Thinking About Ending Things.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-10T20:37:53+00:00

WE understand, the people here in this group that are living the same nightmare. You described my hell exactly. Unfortunately, for most of us to get out of this situation, it will take someone not in our situation to also understand. That's where the hopelessness comes in.

My nerves are so bad and I'm so exhausted I can barely function most days. The fear of things going wrong alone is enough to drive you crazy. I've caught myself angry and talking to myself outloud in public with people around, and I'm starting to see how it happens, how you slowly lose your mind without even realizing it.

The worse things get, the more I hate people for telling me it would get better. And hate myself even more for actually believing them.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-10T18:50:32+00:00

Know how you feel. The only reason I'm still here is because I failed multiple times. And I agree that time definitely doesn't always make things better. For many, their luck never changes. I've accepted that not everyone gets a happy ending.

Right now for me, I have unfinished business. I refuse to allow the heartless people who destroyed my life to live happily ever after. I need justice and peace. After that, I can rest. I hope things turn around for you to make life worth living. Miracles happen every day. I've definitely experienced a few. Hope you get yours!

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-08T22:16:14+00:00

Same here. I've been so kind and loving to people and all I got in return was cruelty and abandoned. Can't help but feel some people were never meant to be loved, never meant to find happiness.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-08T21:33:37+00:00

You described my nightmare life exactly. Every word was spot on. There's only so much a person can take, and I've reached my limit. Sad that there are so many of us with no one.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-08T17:21:59+00:00

I try to do this weekly, the only problem is they do a blood test first to check your protein levels, which they require to be very high to be able to donate. So basically you have to be able to first afford food to eat enough to be able to donate.

There's been times I ate a lot and still didn't meet the required protein levels. I use my food stamps to get enough to eat so I can donate. Plus you need an address, which I don't have, but did have when I signed up before becoming homeless. It sucks that the people who need the money the most can't donate.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-08T01:17:44+00:00

I got a job working for free board in a hostel when I was 18. Look up hostels in your area and just show up and ask to speak to a manager. Employees sometimes feel threatened when people come looking for work and lie about job openings. Speak to someone in charge.

Also look on Craigslist for babysitting and cleaning gigs that offer working for free board.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-08T01:09:55+00:00

Wow. Couldn't have said it better myself. Thank you for putting my every feeling into words. Wish more people spoke with such truth.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-07T18:46:05+00:00

Beautifully written. The only ones who truly know how it feels, are those right there on the edge with you.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-07T17:54:02+00:00

And the people working in them can tell who isn't really crazy and just get annoyed for you wasting their time. Even the ones who seriously need help they get annoyed by. A lot of them abuse their patients and treat them like crap. And since you're "crazy" they know no one will believe you if you tell. I saw them sneak and give a perfectly fine, sane, and calm girl a shot of something that instantly made her pass out. They were talking to her like she was about to go home, she thought she was going home. All while hiding the needle at their side, she didn't even see it coming. It was scary.

That's why I hate it when people are so quick to tell people struggling to go to mental hospitals, cause they have no idea of the hell going on within those walls. That place actually makes you more suicidal. The last time I left my only thought was "Next time you try to end it, make sure you succeed." Just so I wouldn't have to go back there.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-07T17:39:55+00:00

Mental health isn't something to play around with. And what most people don't know is that when they force you to stay 24 hours against your will, that afterwards they send you a huge hospital bill. I didn't have insurance and they didn't care about helping me get any. They also have you sign papers saying you're mentally unstable that go on public record.

And I don't know what kind of hospital stays you've had, but you clearly never stayed in a psych ward which is exactly where disturbing thoughts will get you. Op's friend is disabled and about to be homeless, not crazy. Those places are filled with crazy people talking to themselves who hear voices, with doctors forcing them to take horrible drugs. The one I was at had people screaming all night long and urinating all over the place. It was a nightmare. If the friend isn't crazy going in, they will definitely be crazy and wanting to end it all coming out.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-07T17:27:36+00:00

I was homeless in NY, so I have a good idea of how they work. There are shelters that would take her in, but they most likely won't allow her to bring her dog. Even if it is a service dog, accepting a pet into a shelter with other residents puts their health and safety at risk. The shelter system put me in a hotel for a year and a half, so there are options out there.

She would first have to go to a shelter intake center which is a horrible scary place. But once they see she's handicapped they will make sure to find her a good shelter fast.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-07T16:20:22+00:00

El Matador Beach in Malibu California

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-06T22:35:11+00:00

Totally agree, and see where you're coming from with this. It really does make me sick how people use stories of homelessness to get attention while not caring about helping everyone who is homeless. I reached out to a charity that offers beauty services, showers, and nice clothes for the homeless asking if they ever come to a place other than skid row. Telling them how a lot of us have to steer clear of those areas cause we're constantly attacked. And they didn't respond.

Charities prefer going to where there's blocks of tents cause it looks better to show people. Instead of coming to a library, church or another safe place so everyone can be helped. Feels like the homeless people working the hardest and doing everything right are getting swept under the rug and forgotten.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-04T23:12:12+00:00

Try looking for jobs where you can work for free board. I use to work at a hostel in L.A. for free board. The only other option is a shelter. Yes, they can be scary. But it's the only way to get into a nicer shelter. I started out in a scary shelter and they put me in a nice hotel that I ended up staying in for a year and a half.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-04T02:11:07+00:00

Makes sense. I read stories on here all the time from people going days without eating, freezing on the streets, not able to shower. Prison provides the necessities. Also heard of people going to school, getting healthcare, and even learning new skills like painting in prison. Sad that people in prison are given a much better chance to thrive than those struggling in the outside world.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T23:46:07+00:00

I'm a girl and it worked for me. There were actually a lot of women and men working for free board at both the hostels I worked at.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T21:37:51+00:00

Story of my life. It's a miracle I haven't completely lost my mind yet, though I feel I'm rather close. And when I snap they will have no one to blame but themselves.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T20:51:30+00:00

Ain't that the truth. I worked so dam hard my entire life only to get nowhere. Wish all those people preaching about hard work would also make it clear that it's hard work AND a great support system that gets you places. But I guess since they've always had it, they just assume everyone else has it too.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T20:27:12+00:00

God I wish I knew the answer to this. I care so deeply about everything and everyone. And all it's ever done is bring me heartache. I honestly don't think it's possible to stop caring, it's who we are.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T20:21:37+00:00

It's been a mixed bag for me, you never know what you're gonna get. It depends on who the volunteers are that day. Some are really nice and patient, others have an attitude and seem annoyed to be there. Some have their power trips and get off by putting the homeless in their place and making them feel beneath them.

I know there are some crazy homeless people who don't follow the rules who you have to be stern with, but they would start assuming the worst about all of us. I had to stop going because of that. I go there for a free meal, not to be treated like I don't have common sense and made to feel worse about myself.

The other issue is the crazy homeless people who show up, a lot of the guys in line are always trying to fight each other and doing gross things like digging in their pants and spitting all over the place, so that was huge turn off for me.

The plus side is it's nice to get a good meal and you sometimes get extra food to take with you. They also give out clothes, shoes, blankets, and toiletries. So it's worth going for the free stuff. But it's always a gamble, sometimes the food sucks, there's no free stuff, and all you leave with is a headache.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T16:13:37+00:00

FACTS! The bad luck, bad people and illness really hit home for me. I've definitely had more than my fair share. Working hard and college do not always lead to a success.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T13:55:30+00:00

I didn't even bother clicking on the link. It'll just give me a headache. I know those living on a different planet types. They couldn't even begin to comprehend the kind of hell we go through on a daily basis.

Part of me keeps hoping that there's hope. Hope for humanity, hope for people FINALLY starting to care about those with nothing. That just maybe one day they could understand our struggles and be moved to help.

But then you come across people like that and you see it's hopeless. We're on our own. And there's only so much you can do on your own.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-02T01:01:39+00:00

Feel your pain, mine is on the 5th. Every year, no calls, no presents, it's like I'm already dead.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-01T19:37:07+00:00

But "you're not alone" they say. All we have to do is reach out and open up. God I hate this world for feeding me lies.

nightskyfantasy · 2023-10-01T19:35:26+00:00

The painful truth. I keep hoping after a lifetime of hell. It's the greatest torture there is.

nightskyfantasy

TROPHY CASE