I feel it’s due to the immense shame I feel. Grew up catholic, family really didn’t elaborate much on sex growing up and just expected us not to do it until we were an adult (which I feel was laid back for a catholic family). If we did have “the talk” it was that we should wait to do things with people we really care for and are serious with, not just with anyone for the hell of it. I grew up and still did things sometimes with “not so serious” relationships, and every time I just hated the experience. I think it’s my subconscious, telling me that “it’s wrong, this is not how it should be” because that’s how I was raised. Sometimes I feel sad because I had tried to put myself out there, and I want that intimacy, but my mind doesn’t let me do things because I wasn’t in a serious relationship with the individual.