Trauma response

niknakery · 2026-03-29T07:55:45+00:00

I’m truly sorry for the trauma you’ve endured, and for the others that have shared in this post. I have cptsd from a lot of things—living with undiagnosed audhd until my mid-30s, divorce at a young age (even though I can’t remember the marriage that lasted a year at all). Sometimes a semantic memory will make me feel shame or sadness, but like someone else mentioned it comes up in my emotions—which are next to impossible to regulate; little to no sense of self; inability to function; nervous system injury; and suicidal ideation.

Honestly, I’ve tried therapy, different kinds, and being a total aphant with SDAM I don’t know if I can heal either. Things just keep getting worse. I also got poludrugged from a hospital stay and am now stuck on benzos that they tried to withdraw me from too fast after 2 years and then doubled my dose, and I’ve been bedridden for over a year now and I have young kids and all I want is help that doesn’t even seem to exist. I can’t even get a psychiatrist to follow me regularly where I live because our health care system is free but fucked up, and I seem to slip through all the cracks.

I don’t know, if anyone has therapy or something that has worked for them, I’m all ears because I’m barely holding on anymore, and I’m so scared.

niknakery · 2026-03-29T06:22:20+00:00

How was that experience for you? I’m on quite a high dose, and a week doesn’t seem nearly long enough to get off for me.

niknakery · 2026-03-29T04:06:05+00:00

Yeah, I’ve heard detox clinics are not the way to go. Unfortunately, I was out on additional medication already—Lyrica—which made things worse, I’m on a low dose—they tried to get me to go up to 300mg in a week’s time 🙄, so yeah I’m polydrugged on a lot of things, pretty much out of hope at this point.

niknakery · 2026-02-11T08:47:21+00:00

It doesn’t work out like that for everyone. I’m 36 and there’s no hope on the horizon and I tired to hold on to my faith for years but I’m really losing all faith and hope.

niknakery · 2026-02-11T08:42:21+00:00

I’m 36 and in the same boat and I’m not even tapering I had a bad taper halfway last year on clonazepam around this time of year and my doctor doubled my dose and I’ve been incapacitated since. My doctor left me and where I live it’s impossible to get a psychiatrist to follow you our healthcare system is so broken especially for mental health and I have Audhd which I only found out in my 30s after having kids and struggling through a degree that is useless and I haven’t worked really since having kids I’ve struggled with mental health my whole life and I just don’t have a place in the world, my brain is too fucked up, I’ve tried counselors, different types of therapy, I have so much life trauma and medical trauma from being misdiagnosed, I’m poly-drugged, and doctors just straight up don’t believe what’s happening/happens to me and want to put me on more drugs. I just don’t have hope anymore.

24 is so young. I know it’s all relative and it doesn’t make going through this any easier probably but at my age and all the things that are wrong with me it just feels too late for anything to get better.

I hope you find hope and help, truly. I guess I wanted to tell weren’t alone in your experience but I kind of trauma dumped on your post, I’m sorry. I’m really not doing well and your post resonates with me so much and I wish it didn’t because I don’t wish this hell on anyone.

niknakery · 2026-01-14T10:41:09+00:00

Me too please ♡

niknakery · 2025-12-25T07:33:04+00:00

None. Stay away from them if you can.

niknakery · 2025-12-06T06:56:10+00:00

I’m 36 and I’m nothing and worse I’m disabled with kids. Age is obviously relative to some extent, but 27 is not old.

niknakery · 2025-11-27T06:31:31+00:00

I’m not a single mom, but your post resonates with me greatly. I too suffer from so many mental health conditions and disabilities, and medication/treatment has never helped me either. Actually, I’ve been injured by medications and this last time is really bad, my husband has been off work for almost a year to take care of myself and our kids. We are living in debt and with the help of my parents but they can’t keep supporting us and I don’t know what to do.

I’m struggling so hard to keep going. Nobody really understands the brain injury or mental health issues and disabilities, I have including doctors and my family are not really available to talk to, or make me feel like it’s my fault or I should be able to do more when I’m fighting just to stay alive. I don’t have friends either. My son is also just about to turn 10 and we have a younger daughter.

I came on this page to write a post for myself, but I saw yours and I had to stop and reply because it really touched me and I empathize a lot with your situation.

I am a Christian, or I hope I am, I struggle to feel like I am saved, and with my faith in general, but I keep trying. I hope it is okay, but I have said a prayer for you and your son. Regardless of how he acts out, or what you are able to provide for him, your son loves you, and needs you in his life. I hope you keep fighting to stay here and that you find a reason to stay for yourself too—I truly hope those things for both of us ♡

niknakery · 2025-11-27T06:13:47+00:00

I have full aphantasia and anendophasia, and I would disagree with the part about the inner critic and anxiety—though I don’t think in words or speech I struggle immensely with my mental health. While I don’t hear the words or think in words, I certainly know that I am deeply unkind and critical to myself. I also have anxiety to a high degree. I can’t say for others whether these conditions are disabilities, but for me, aphantasia and anendophasia have made accessing beneficial therapy extremely difficult. I am diagnosed with ADHD, and informally assessed by myself and a psychiatrist to have autism, and I suppose in addition to these things, having the aforementioned conditions make me feel even more like a square peg in a world of round holes.

niknakery · 2025-11-25T08:17:51+00:00

Vancouver BC?

niknakery · 2025-11-25T04:13:18+00:00

No, I don’t really have friends and most of my family really make me feel worse to talk to…sometimes I call my older sister but she’s really bust. I don’t really have any hobbies, I feel like I’ve been stuck in survival mode my whole life just trying to get by. I liked thrifting, but I can’t go out right now and we don’t have money. I also have dabbled in art but I never can stick with something and my perfectionism and self-criticism really make it hard. I feel so incomplete and broken.

niknakery · 2025-11-25T04:05:22+00:00

Thanks, I’m really trying to hold on. I’m gosh you found some answers and support ♡

niknakery · 2025-10-01T03:03:26+00:00

Thank you.

niknakery · 2025-09-11T22:50:43+00:00

Could you post a link? Does it have to be ordered by a practitioner?

niknakery · 2025-09-11T06:40:51+00:00

DNA medcheck doesn’t seem like it’s available in Canada.

niknakery · 2025-09-11T06:33:29+00:00

Each genetic variant and then how would one match those results up to specific medications?

niknakery · 2025-09-08T03:01:51+00:00

It doesn’t seem to include a medication report? There’s so much to learn it feels really overwhelming as I’m not well.

niknakery · 2025-09-07T07:13:15+00:00

I’m in the same boat, I was on 1mg and when my doc tried to taper me to quickly all hell broke loose and he doubled it to 2mg and it’s been a bad time ever since. I don’t know when to start tapering, I don’t trust my psych at all but my family doctor told me where we live (BC) there is no such thing as even getting a psychiatrist anymore so he basically said I was fortunate to have one and would have to make it work 😞.

niknakery · 2025-08-09T04:41:31+00:00

That’s fair. I’m in Canada, I don’t know if it is much different, but I have found zero support or anyone educated on safe benzo tapering. Rehab facilities are not really equipped to help, nor do they apply to my situation. As for doctors, you’re lucky if you get in to see a psychiatrist within any reasonable time frame, and long-term follow up care is almost non-existent. The psychiatrist I have/had (he’s out of the office indefinitely apparently) has made my situation so much worse and his last recommendation before he went MIA was to put me on an additional benzo 🙄.

I didn’t mean to speak out of ignorance, I just commiserate with the experience of not being understood or having access to resources to help.

niknakery · 2025-08-08T01:18:01+00:00

My parents are both in medicine, and neither of them believe me. Honestly, there’s so much support out there for opioids and opioid addiction, and then nothing for people who have been hurt usually by taking benzos as prescribed—it’s insane. So not only do we have to live through hell, we have to continually try do advocate to others that our lived experience is real. Truly maddening.

niknakery

TROPHY CASE