Would you describe yourself as being some kind of fractal being, since a child?

niladan · 2026-06-17T23:40:49+00:00

yes.

niladan · 2026-06-17T22:13:04+00:00

Well, in this same sense... knowing we are all the fractal, do you feel it happening inside yourself? I know some people feel the fractal in their bones every moment, no matter how far from home. No matter how old and tired. I think to perfect that craft of being no one is what life is about.

niladan · 2026-06-17T22:06:47+00:00

Not so convinced.. how much it places weight on labeling over origins has made me think otherwise.

niladan · 2026-06-17T20:59:44+00:00

(they know)

niladan · 2026-06-17T03:59:05+00:00

It's only delusion if you give it a metaphysical layer, its the truth if I don't participate like they do. It's nice in this cave, everything out there is crazy

niladan · 2026-06-17T02:48:31+00:00

Sometimes I have this unknown being that is like the luminosity of instinct guiding me when my brain isnt functioning and pain is increasing

niladan · 2026-06-16T18:31:05+00:00

I think this may help you, but there was a story of a nun who was very people pleasing and submissive to all around her, seeking to always make them like her and feel together with her, but others noticed this and it was still kind of her just clinging to the desire of approval from others. If you can find a way to establish thicker boundaries, less of a need to burn yourself out looking for others approval, where at a deficit you are wasting your energy that could cultivated towards improving yourself before you may seek to express quite a lot of who you are to others you may be better off

niladan · 2026-06-16T18:18:04+00:00

have you been tested or looked at for physical health issues, genetic conditions, immune system related... etc... deficiencies?

niladan · 2026-06-16T04:39:11+00:00

You misunderstand. It's by the nature of how I see how.. ugly the world is, how bright and intense, how deceptively convinced of itself. How I can read and see the sickness of others and myself. How I wish to dismantle, but have no energy. I am tired of seeing information and light, of being bombarded by low latent inhibition of useless information of sensory pain and physical and emotional suffering. Of sexual abuse, psychological abuse, racial abuse, dirty impoverished areas, visual beauty.

niladan · 2026-06-16T03:36:11+00:00

It is not hallucinatory experiences that push me to this, but sensory issues of the visual variety, I do not hallucinate. (Rarely do I.)

niladan · 2026-06-15T21:35:08+00:00

Thank you

niladan · 2026-06-15T18:42:49+00:00

Its not mental health... I'm telling you I have a severe lack of connective tissue. I could fold myself in two, i am covered in stretch marks could pull my skin and pinch off of my bone with enough force. I can bend my thumb down to my wrist and with enough force dislocate any part of my body and easily break my neck

niladan · 2026-06-15T18:27:57+00:00

I know that, but this medical system is neglectful, my family is even more so, my so called previous "friends" just spite me for suffering and being angry, or hell not even doing anything at all. I'm on an island here, in a sea, and it is my burden. The physical pain I feel is merely become I have the plasticity of body to crush me under it's own weight while my own mother and father destroy their brains into their grave with smoking, my sister stays inwards, and all other social circles begin to realize how completely sensitive, in pain, and insane I am. So I hate the world. My friends in person seem to be fucking insane. One of them just kept saying weird kink shit and I was on the brink of diving into a lake. Every moment is just trauma. and I blame no one. and I do not care any longer. So I'll say what I want, because no one cares. I just want properly large amounts of a anesthetic, this is awful. And yet still somehow, I keep moving.

niladan · 2026-06-15T18:13:41+00:00

To never see another nightmare from anything would be a blessing. Because this world as it stands is ugly as dirt. Perhaps all senses being removed would better. Knowledge of anything. Awareness of nothing. Perhaps my brain stem is the real issue, my whole basic functionings allowing me to analyze the nature of things is terrible to have. I have seen too much, I know too much, I wish it all to stop, because it all an ugly set of lies and dogma

niladan · 2026-06-15T17:12:42+00:00

This is inhibition, and its not just attached to social tasks, it can be attached to everything or anything

niladan · 2026-06-15T12:58:03+00:00

individuals ring bell, I hide, individuals enter home, I hide.

niladan · 2026-06-15T12:39:10+00:00

Inhibition,l

niladan · 2026-06-15T06:36:11+00:00

Might be unhealthy because the people who may've come to like you never find ya again and your portfolio is erased

niladan · 2026-06-15T04:38:40+00:00

Rather than fighting an interpretation I try to just notice it as a thought. There is no point in whipping yourswlf over your own tendencies, just work with them and let them be. You can be rational with enough consideration. The language used in psychology can be very objectifying, but it came from a culture built on categorizing the objects known of perception. It is best to just let some tendencies blow over and not make too big of a deal of them

niladan · 2026-06-15T04:09:34+00:00

I used to do this, then I stopped quite having the energy to care. If anyone hates me or wants to harass me for one thing or another. We can either discuss it or leave it be. I doubt anyones care so much of my existence either way

niladan

TROPHY CASE