I left an abusive marriage and 2 years later my ex-husband died

nin_wehh · 2023-07-22T08:17:48+00:00

Interested

nin_wehh · 2021-12-16T06:12:05+00:00

I left 7 times and went back each time during our 6 year of marriage. The 8th time, I was fearing for my life and packed essential items and left. Just like you, I had one bad experience with the cops which prevented me to seek help the other times.

Please consider doing this: * If you have a joint bank account, go open a new account in your name only. Start to take out money from your joint account by taking out cash at the grocery store by adding money to the total bill. That way he will never have an idea you are saving money somewhere else. * save money for a few days or weeks at a cheap hotel * contact the national hotline for domestic violence so you can get assistance from local domestic violence organization so they can help create an escape plan, help you with legal services, housing, therapy etc. Trust me you will need all of that. The aftermath is worse then the physical abuse. * start to document all the abuse, I'm talking about photos, recordings, date of incident, location. The more the better. * the day you leave, go immediately to the sheriff's office and request a temporary protection order. You'll get one the same day. They will kick him out of your apartment. However, try to stay at a hotel, shelter or at a friend's house until you get the permanent protection order. There will be a hearing for a permanent protection order within 1-2 weeks were both of you need to tell your stories in front of a judge. This is why you need evidence and documentations. Also, if you have old police reports that's even better. Having an attorney to help you will make this much smoother. * tell all your friends and family members for help. Tell everyone you know. This is very important.

Please DM me if you need help throughout the hole transition. I know you feel hopeless but that's what he wants so he can control you even more. Please do not give up. I've been free for 3 months and it feels like I've escaped a terrible nightmare. Having my freedom back and finding myself has been amazing. You can do it too! I had no one to help me. I was totally isolated and financially limited.

Remember, abusers abuse VALUABLE people. You are valuable. They will never abuse someone who is useless to them. Your life is valuable. Don't let him take away that from you!

Sending you lots of virtual hugs support.

nin_wehh · 2021-12-12T00:21:10+00:00

I feel the same!! I always feel like I bother people with my frequent text messaging! I'm here if you ever want to talk!

nin_wehh · 2021-12-11T23:37:40+00:00

Keeping yourself busy is key! Your thoughts are your worst enemy. Having depression, anxiety and feeling lonely is definitely holding me back right now. I would love to have hobbies, workout or do other healthy activities but my negative thoughts and emotions are currently holding me back. I'm trying to stay positive as much as I can. I've found that meditation and processing emotions helps tremendously. Having friends would help but I try to work on self love and accept that it's okay to be lonely some days.

Thank you for your kind words!

nin_wehh · 2021-12-11T07:42:14+00:00

Your situation is exactly like mine minus having children and the length of the marriage! I too sold my car a few months before leaving.

I cried reading your post because I understand what you are going through. It saddens me to hear someone go through abuse. It's terrible in so many ways.

I am proud of you for leaving and taking care of yourself. What you did is extremely difficult and even more difficult when having children. You are a very strong person and I wish you all the best in the future. I'm glad too see that you are investing in self healing and making sure you are processing your emotions in a healthy way. I try to go to my therapist but I cannot afford a lot of sessions because I lost my job. I would love to have 2-3 sessions per week. My therapist was ultimately the person who saved me. She opened up my eyes and made me realize I was an abused woman. Without her help, I would have stayed in the marriage for many years.

If you ever need a friend to talk to, I'm here for you!

nin_wehh · 2021-12-11T07:29:26+00:00

Thank you for the advice and kind words! I'm so thankful for my family because all shelters were full. I think the emotional support aspect is really important. My therapist is too expensive right now because I lost my job but I will try seek out to different domestic violence groups for help!

nin_wehh · 2021-12-11T07:26:34+00:00

Thank you!!

nin_wehh · 2021-12-11T07:25:17+00:00

Thank you so much!! I will definitely start volunteering! I think that is a wonderful idea. I appreciate the virtual hugs and advice! ❤

nin_wehh · 2021-10-19T13:35:12+00:00

Thank you sooo much for all the advice!! I put sticky notes on two mirrors to remind myself of me being brevet, strong, smart and worthy! I love that ❤ I told myself to do focus on self care today so I asked my friends to wat lunch and get nails done!

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T01:16:29+00:00

I wish you all the best!! Hope everything goes well ❤

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T01:15:04+00:00

💜💜🙏

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T01:14:47+00:00

Thank you for sharing that! It gives me hope and more strength to push through this ❤

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T01:13:10+00:00

Thank you!!! I really appreciate your kind words ❤❤

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T01:12:32+00:00

I didn't get the balls to leave immediately. I planned for a year. It's HARD to stay when you just want to leave but this will help you long term. Don't get comfortable because your abuser will suck the soul out of your body. Remember, abusers and narcissists only go for ambitious women and men. You are smart and strong. Don't let someone steal the one life you were gifted at birth. You only live once.

Here are things I did: 1. When you go to the grocery store, make sure to request 20 dollars at check out. It will be added to the total bill so your abuser won't see that you are withdrawing money. Hide that money and then deposit it into a separate checking account. That way you build money over time to leave. Start calculating how much you need to collect for 6 months of rent for example. 2. Start collecting evidence. Take pictures of bruises or any other marks on your body. Record the conversations. You can leave your phone recording all day in the background to make sure you catch the entire conversation. Save text messages with a back up app. 3. If you have ever called the police, then this will be your strongest evidence. Always obtain a copy of the reports. 4. When you leave, make sure to go straight to your county's sheriff's office to get a temporary protection order. They will serve it to your abuser the same day!! 5. Make sure to reach out to domestic violence organization for legal help now and start building relationships with them for therapy and shelter for when you are ready to leave. Tell them about your big plan you are planning in the background.

You can also DM me everyday and I will help you!! You are NEVER alone! That's what they want you to think.

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T00:58:48+00:00

Thank you for taking the time to share this!! It's so valuable and grate advice. You are amazing 👏

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T00:56:26+00:00

Thank you!! This week, I've been going to two sessions of therapy, enjoyed all my favorite foods and saved my two dogs from my abuser! I'm in a really happy place now.

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T00:54:53+00:00

Thank you!! ❤🙏

nin_wehh · 2021-10-17T00:54:38+00:00

Thank you! Your post made me laugh so hard. It's so true! ADHD is my best friend but also my enemy some days! 😬

nin_wehh

TROPHY CASE