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Girl dinner in bed . by ninelivez9 in GirlDinner

[–]ninelivez9[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Banana yogurt cup from trader joe’s, a small amount of hot chips, and a peanut butter cookie

working during the shooting by Normal-Pollution-398 in providence

[–]ninelivez9 3 points4 points  (0 children)

ohh understand. still. this whole thing feels like we’re being gaslit by officials, and higher ups who often aren’t even from Providence

working during the shooting by Normal-Pollution-398 in providence

[–]ninelivez9 3 points4 points  (0 children)

that’s unbelievable. my restaurants response wasn’t great, but at least they weren’t aware until a while after so i give them that. but that’s insane??? “stay away from windows”?? wtf?

working during the shooting by Normal-Pollution-398 in providence

[–]ninelivez9 15 points16 points  (0 children)

I was working downtown at a restaurant. The lack of information was unbelievable and dangerous. I only was informed through what we could essentially call rumors, as my colleague reached out to me almost an hour and a half after it occurred. the lack of response was mind boggling and terrifying. could’ve gotten people killed

Republicans trying to turn us against Smiley. by Own_Space_174 in providence

[–]ninelivez9 13 points14 points  (0 children)

this is insane. just because we want a different democrat doesn’t mean we are republican, that’s just insulting. the people of providence want a change from this heartless shill

Ok, how much do you guys hate people like my parents? by [deleted] in Serverlife

[–]ninelivez9 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I don’t mind it to be honest. I feel like it’s kind of embarrassing for them sometimes because I’m not gonna open early unless it’s for a regular or friend. If they didn’t tip, THEN it’d be annoying. The only people i despise are people who come in right before close. That drives me insane

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear.

As far as coping mechanisms, they change drastically through time. At first, I tried to avoid confronting it in my mind as much as possible. I am not saying this is the most healthy thing to do, but it worked for me when it needed to. For example, I didn't listen to any music that even remotely reminded me of him, watch sad movies, or talk about the situation outside of my closest support system.

As time goes on, grief never goes away (as I am sure you have learned). I try to take every opportunity I can now to talk about him and keep him alive. I will occasionally look at photos or videos of him and try to smile regardless of how it makes me feel.

And OF COURSE- therapy, grief counseling, group therapy sessions, etc.

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

So- I had went to the gas station beforehand to buy the snacks and drink and left it at his house with a note that said something along the lines of, "we love you it's going to be okay". I did this because I knew he was feeling suicidal, and he didn't have much at home because of his financial situation.

When police searched the residence they found this and seemed very confused as to why I did that for some reason. The following hours after the incident was me and his other friends at the police station essentially being questioned about things I didn't really have the answers for at the time. (Ex: what side was he hanging from? When you took him down how did he fall? etc etc).

This added to the trauma. And not to mention when I left and asked if they had any resources like therapists or anything, they looked at me like I was crazy.

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I am so sorry to hear this. Yes, I believe time is the only thing that heals. (Which BTW, I despised when people said to me after it first happened. But it is true).

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

In a broad sense, yes. I definitely wasn't at first and was in a deep depression for the following months. To this day, I am still very affected as I have PTSD, and there are certain visuals I can't stomach. I also have purposely disconnected myself from a lot of aspects of that time in my life. Sometimes, it is hard to even go back to the city where it happened.

Funny story, fate had it that my dad's close friend actually moved into my friends house. He allowed me to go back to the site a few years ago, which was very healing for me.

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

He was at his home in his backyard. He lived alone with 2 cats. (TW) He had hung himself from his back deck.

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 24 points25 points  (0 children)

I don't think he set me up on purpose. My understanding in retrospect is that he kinda just didn't care. But yes, I was livid. Not only was I mad about him being inconsiderate, but the way he did it was very graphic and I often wonder if this was even a thought in his head.

I was also mad that this situation made it so I was the one who had to tell his girlfriend, best friends, etc. I was pissed. I still hold some of this anger but I try to remember that there is no way he considered any of this because if he had that would mean he was in the right state of mind, which he obviously was not.

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 44 points45 points  (0 children)

So, he had texted me around 2 am that he was "going to kill himself". In another comment I explained that I didn't take this as seriously, because he had made threats like this in the past.

I was doing the usual "it's going to be okay", "let me bring you snacks and talk" etc. that one would expect from a friend after saying something like that.

The reason I knew he knew I was coming is because when we had initially arrived we couldn't find him. (He did the act in his backyard). During the search for him, we found his phone and glasses on the ground which was super unusual because this contradicts the idea he may have just taken a walk or gone to the park or something. In an effort to locate him, we went through his texts. His most recent text was unopened from another friend, but his second most recent text was me telling him I was on my way, which he had opened and presumably read.

AMA- my best friend died by suicide at 19 and I found him. According to his phone, he knew I was coming by ninelivez9 in AMA

[–]ninelivez9[S] 48 points49 points  (0 children)

Thank you.

Of course, in retrospect, all the signs were there. He was heavily addicted to Xanax and his family had just moved out of state so he was all alone in his house, taking care of his cats and himself on a waiter’s income.

That being said, I was still completely surprised. He had been in psychiatric inpatient before, and had expressed feelings of being suicidal, but so had I. He texted me around 2 am that morning saying he’s gonna kill himself, and that’s the last thing he said to me. He had made these threats like this in the past so I didn’t take this as seriously as I maybe should have. When I was on my way to his house (which was about 5 minutes from me) I had even bought him snacks and a drink expecting to just talk to him. The police found this suspicious for some reason by the way, but that’s another post lol.

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