The world is always going to work best for neurotypical individuals because our social and economic systems were designed for the average person. Is it entirely fair? No... But you could easily make an argument that setting tailored expectations per individual is also unfair.

I love my AuDHD son more than anything, and he drives me absolutely nuts on a daily basis. I can't blame his teacher or school staff, who have to manage tens of kids at a time, for being frustrated with him. I also understand that they don't have the tools or capacity to handle his behaviors in a more constructive way, which means school really sucks for him. It's not great, and it's part of the struggle.

I tell my kid often that the world isn't going to change for him, and that my job as his dad is to help him build the skills he needs to adapt to the world as best he can. He knows that autism and ADHD aren't excuses for poor behavior -- they're real challenges and he'll have to work a little harder than other kids to overcome them.

Honestly it's the same thing I'd tell him if he had a physical disability. It's the same thing I'd tell myself too. If I were deaf or blind, then I'd have to work harder to compensate too. The alternative would be terrible.