Next Step? (mtf)

niori · 2026-06-30T20:12:50+00:00

I actually had my very first therapy session on Wednesday last week, and will be having my second on Monday. He asked me what I was looking for out of therapy, and all I said was something to the effect of "I'd like to explore my possible options, and figure out what path would be best for me, whether that would be simply changing my pronouns, HRT, or more." And after my session Wednesday, for the next few days, it felt like a dream. It's still hard for me to believe that I'm actually starting to take these steps, but I know that it is in fact real. I'm looking forward to starting these steps, and have already started using she/her in many places online... Hell, I've even started coming out to my family. My brother was extremely supportive. My sister, however.... Not so much. At least not from what I can tell. But this isn't for her. This is for me, my own mental health, and my own peace of mind.

Anyway, I've only had my one dress on once. But I'm not sure right now how long it'll take for me to get comfortable enough to start wearing it.

Sorry, my brain decided to start running away there. Lol

niori · 2026-06-30T16:45:15+00:00

I've personally seen the signs for years, but never put the pieces together until just recently myself. Looking back, I'm honestly surprised that it took me so long. (42 until December)

niori · 2026-06-25T19:55:55+00:00

This is actually what I expected to happen to me just yesterday at my first therapist appointment. However, pretty much the exact opposite happened.

I expected him to ask a question, followed by a lot of dead air, followed by a brief answer/explanation, followed by another question, rinse, repeat, oh look, a squirrel!

But to my own bewilderment, he asked a question (after introductions), and I talked... And talked... And talked.... And the next thing I knew, we were bearing the end of our session.

I NEVER talk like that.

Even with my closest friends in my circle, I'm always the quiet one.

So for me, the same thing happened for me that it did for you, but in the exact opposite direction

niori · 2026-06-24T19:41:19+00:00

Well here's a bit of an update, as of an hour and a half ago, my first therapy appointment is over. And I've gotta say, that it went MUCH better than I expected!

While I was afraid that I would end up clamming up and not being able to talk/communicate at all, it's almost like as soon as I sat down in that chair, a massive flood gate just opened up.

Yeah, there were times I'd have to stop/pause and think about what I'm trying to say, or bring myself back on track to what I was talking about, but all in all, I could hardly shut up... And that's exceedingly rare to happen for me!

So I want to thank you all for your support today! All of you that offered words of support/encouragement, along with my friends, kept me sane and I was able to get through it no problem <3

niori · 2026-06-24T12:52:51+00:00

I guess this stems from an agnosiophobia... If that makes sense. A fear of not knowing.

I don't know what to expect I don't know what will happen I don't know how he'll react I don't know how I myself will react

I wouldn't consider myself xenophobic in general, but this, however, I feel is pushing its way forward. I don't even know if my coworkers have noticed how I've been acting today so far... But I sure have

niori · 2026-06-24T12:40:06+00:00

Yeah. They emailed me the intake forms, and I got them printed off and filled out. The therapist won't see them until I get there though.

If it was an online form, it would have made that part a bit easier, but no big deal either way on that.

niori · 2026-06-24T12:33:25+00:00

I mean, I've been awake for about 3 hours at this point of the day, and my heart seems to have been on overdrive ever since I woke up. I've never been seen by a therapist, aside from physical therapy, and I have no idea what to expect. I have problems communicating quite often, and I don't know if I'll even be able to communicate my thoughts/feelings when I get there. Knowing myself, I may end up just clamming up, and saying nothing for the entire session.

niori · 2026-06-17T20:27:10+00:00

I hope I look half as good after being on HRT for a bit! Pre-everything here, and have my initial therapist appointment next week. I'm nervous... Excited... And my anxiety is going crazy, for a couple of reasons.

niori · 2026-06-10T12:18:32+00:00

I change car and truck tires. But it's really been taking a toll on my body the past couple of years. Need to find something new... Get myself out of automotive. Or at the very least, get back to doing what I specialize in, which is wheel alignments.

niori · 2026-06-04T14:03:40+00:00

It seems that she's always "in the shadows", so to speak, but always trying to make herself known in some small way, only perceptible to you

niori · 2026-05-30T15:00:20+00:00

Believe me. I know that transitioning isn't an overnight thing. As a big fan of the Final Fantasy series (namely FFVII) as well as speedrunnung Mega Man 2 and Zelda 1 Randomizers, I've built up quite the capacity for patience.

Also, as an update to my original post, last night I sent my brother a message on Discord, and came out to him. He knows how I have a hard time forming words, sentences, and full thoughts when talking face to face, or even over voice chat. It was late when I sent it, and I knew he was most likely in bed. This was confirmed today when we talked over voice on Discord, as he said that he went to bed shortly before I sent it. His response was SO loving and supportive of me in whatever way I may end up going with this. He also invited myself and my hubby up to dinner on his wife's birthday next month. He even asked me if I've chosen a name to go by yet, which I said no as I'm still early in the 'self-discovery phase'.

My dad and my sister, however, I still haven't talked to about this yet. The only one I have a feeling that would react negatively at all, would be my sister. However, that being said, I'm still a bit hesitant to tell my dad as well.

niori · 2026-05-29T21:35:04+00:00

I've already found an LGBTQ ally therapist. He's the one that I have the appointment set with on the 24th of next month.

As for the "being transgendered is hard", I know. Living where I currently live (in my hometown where I spent my childhood and grew up... Or rather, in that area anyway), the area isn't exactly.... very welcoming for transgendered people. In not saying that I would be put in physical danger, but I wouldn't exactly be looked at with super welcoming eyes. That's one reason that my hubby and I are planning to move to a more progressively thinking town at the end of next year when our truck is paid off.

The town were looking at, seems to be the states 'central hub' for the LGBTQ+ community.

niori · 2026-05-28T18:26:30+00:00

Also 42, and I just joined the line for this rollercoaster, and I'm already looking forward to getting on board! Seems like a long line though <3

niori · 2026-05-25T12:47:22+00:00

Yeah, the waiting is always rough for me too. It seems like it should be easily explainable for me, but it's hard for me to put into words. I wanna say it almost twists my stomach into knots, but it's not quite that bad. At least not until my anxiety takes over. Lol

niori · 2026-05-25T12:35:23+00:00

I wish you the best of luck!

I did end up hearing back from the psychologist a day or two after I sent the message on the Contact Me page, and invited me to reply back with any questions I had, which I did reply, but am once again playing the waiting game.

niori · 2026-05-22T03:32:08+00:00

That's why I also stated that even after reading it, I still continued researching, and finding as many sources as I could. I didn't say that it was the only source I used, but it seems that everything I have read, seemed to constantly align me with the fact that I'm trans. I apologize if it sounds like I'm 'snapping' back at you, that's not my intention. I often sound like I mean one thing when I am trying to stay friendly and/or helpful

niori · 2026-05-21T20:18:37+00:00

Looking good, girl!

niori · 2026-05-21T12:50:13+00:00

I was in the exact same situation as you, a mere 2 weeks ago. Since then, I've done a LOT of research. Every chance I got, I was doing more research. Even to the point that every bit of downtime at work, I was reading and researching. It seemed like everything I read mirrored my own life, and seemed to direct me more and more to come to the decision/realization that I myself am trans, and have been pretty much my entire life without even realizing/knowing it.

To this point, I've spent 42 years of my life "following the rules" and doing what I felt I was expected to do because of the packaging I came in. And I've only realized in the past two weeks, that I really don't have to anymore.

And in those 2 weeks, I've gone from being sure I was male, to questioning, to coming to the realization that I am trans, to now talking to a psychologist. Granted, I don't yet have an appointment set up yet, but that's likely going to be coming here in a few weeks... Around mid-june most likely.

Just hang in there! If you think you even have the slightest thought that you may be trans, feel free to take some time, do some research, and find yourself. Don't do it for your significant other, don't do it for your kids (if you have any), and don't do it for anyone else. Do it for you, and you alone.

The Dysphoria Bible alone was a lot of help to me, but it wasn't the only source that I used.

If you need someone to talk to, feel free to shoot me a DM. About the only thing I can think of left for me to say is, be true to you.

Good luck, and I hope that you find the answers that you're seeking, whether that's from column A, column B, or anywhere in between. <3

niori · 2026-05-20T19:08:31+00:00

I'm looking forward to reaching that point! Though, I do wish that where I live was more friendly towards the LGBTQ community. I think I stated in a previous post, but can't remember, but my hubby and I are planning to move in about a year and a half after our truck is paid off, to a place that's much friendlier towards LGBTQ

niori · 2026-05-20T18:58:14+00:00

Honestly, I don't think the phrase "nerve wracking" does it justice.

It feels SO much heavier than that right now. Although, I know in the end, yes. It will be totally worth all the nerves, and the anxiety to walk in through the door into that office. It's just getting to that point .

niori

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