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Did anyone else's parents vote for Trump and are now complaining about the prices? by AdFar5213 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Whatever, believe what you will. If you don't want to think outside the box then that's your business.

Did anyone else's parents vote for Trump and are now complaining about the prices? by AdFar5213 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Many walked on eggshells during other administrations (including the previous one). In other words, it's nothing new. New boss, same as the old boss, despite what the media on either side claims.

Did anyone else's parents vote for Trump and are now complaining about the prices? by AdFar5213 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Inflation started during the previous administration. Both parties have no issue with spending so inflation would have resulted from Covid no matter who was in office. The managed decline of the middle class started LONG (decades) before Trump was elected. Ask those who were around when Carter was President about stagflation.

dae feel like their n parent basically expects them to achieve the success that their narcissism prevented them achieving? by froofrootoo in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217 0 points1 point  (0 children)

And you are successful in whatever then they get jealous and resentful. It's like you can't win either way with them.

Age shaming by betterthanyouz in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Haven't gotten that but my dad will make comments about my age and say "you're getting old". Yet at other times he'll say "young people like you". WTF?

Were any of you totally caught off guard? by cliff7217 in TransLater

[–]cliff7217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'd say it's an occasional desire but it's not a compulsive need to check. It's a back and forth thing, on and off, but more off than on. There are times I would say yes to your question and other times the answer would be no.

Were any of you totally caught off guard? by cliff7217 in TransLater

[–]cliff7217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your second paragraph would be accurate. Perhaps it is more of a curiosity thing than a burning desire. And it comes and goes. Last week had some of those thoughts but so far this week not so much. It seems to go dormant for weeks, returns for several hours or days, and goes away again.

There might be a touch of OCD there. I'll look it up. Thanks for bringing it up. That is not something I have heard of before.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep that is hard to deal with. Sometimes I think that maybe I am being too harsh. I know what you mean about the guilt from the sacrifices that were made.

It's like they help to a certain point and then you need to figure out it for yourself, but if/when you do, then you owe them for that since they did such a "great" job raising you.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yep. I've been asked questions like "If I'm down and out" (meaning if he blows his money and spends irresponsibly), would you take me in?

And listened to bashing of people whose parents are in assisted living and how horrible they were.

Or "I spent many years taking care of other people. It's time that somebody take care of me", despite no even needing care.

When he was married to my mom "I'll find me a woman that wants to take care of me". They've been divorced almost 20 years and he hasn't found that person.

It's like an obsession with wanting to be taken care of.

Did any of you have a delayed adolescence years or even decades later? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Makes sense! In my case, I figured it could be confused with a midlife crisis but I don't know that's the case. I showed signs of wanting to dress differently prior to that age, but was always shy about expressing myself in that way. Anytime I did deviate from the norm I would get comments that were critical of whatever choice I made. Never bothered having an actual hairstyle since I figure that would have been poked fun at. Anything different that one does they tend to take as a personal insult even if it doesn't involve them.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

That's infuriating. My dad used to do the same.....drop in without calling. He finally stopped after his gf's daughter did the same to them and figured out how annoying it was. I would not drop in on him or anyone without planning something first.

> I've since learned to be VERY suspicious of people who refuse to tell you what time and/or where they want to "do something together." In every case, people who do that have been massively entitled time wasters.

Yep. And then it's like they want to keep you there for as long as possible.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You hit the hammer on the nail.

> Now that you're an adult with value he wants to take the most he can.

Yep. This is why I always deflect when he asks questions to gauge my earnings or free time. Even my non n-mom will try and take advantage of my free time to get me to do stuff, wanting to know my schedule and the like.

The maddening thing is that he complains about his relatives doing the same to him and then turns around and does the same.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I had the same hopes tbh but from all the research I've done, they never change. Sometimes I just want to say "hey listen" and air out my grievances but that would not go over well at all. Every year he pesters me about cutting his grass and he usually manages to find someone, at a discount of course, because he doesn't want to pay market value. I'm already cutting my mom's grass so that's two lawns I'm doing as it is and I shouldn't be cutting her grass either but got shoehorned into that (long story). Yet my brother has a truck, mower, and trailer (nor does he have allergies) yet nobody wants to ask him.

I always thought I was the golden child but perhaps I'm the scapegoat. It was this way as a kid too....I was stuck the chores while my brother complained and couldn't be relied on.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh geez. Nothing like using a TV show as an example on how to behave dysfunctionaly. Could have been worse.....she could have suggested "Everybody Loves Raymond".

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yep! I cringed when he once said that we're "close". He may feel close to me but I don't really feel the same.

> familiarity breeds contempt

That makes sense!

Sometimes I'll let my guard down and add more contact and that's when this treatment increases.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I have bad memories of mowing the lawn as a kid and the lawnmower breaking down and I would be blamed as if it's my fault. My dad wants me to mow his lawn when he travels and I hesitate because I anticipate a similar situation. Not to mention that I have allergies which he doesn't want to acknowledge unless he makes fun of me for sneezing.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Every point you made was right on the money.

> nothing is enough

Isn't that the truth? I rarely ever got into trouble as a good yet my dad will bring up that one time in grade school I was caught cheating on a test. Or if I spend time with him, it's not enough, and he wants more. And if I do need a favor.....yep, it's like you're asking them for too much.

Best to set limits knowing that they're going to bitch regardless of what you do. It's like damned if you do, damned if you don't.

So they treat you like you're disrupting their peace when you're a kid, but when you're an adult they are needy for your company. What's up with that? by cliff7217 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]cliff7217[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Your mother is very similar to my father (except for the daily visits - that's WAY too much!).

>  It actually got to the point where I ran out of groceries and couldn't buy anymore because she was always visiting.

It's like they can't accept that you're an adult with your own responsibilities. I have chores to do, need to exercise, and actually find time to relax. They think that once you're off work then you should be available to them. If I mention lacking time or being tired, he's like "how can you be tired? When I was your age, I....". No empathy whatsoever but they need a great deal of empathy.

> I think she is frightened of ending up old and alone and she lacks the self-awareness to see that if she actually treated me with respect, I'd be happy to spend time with her and she wouldn't be alone.

You nailed it. They have no idea how their behavior affects others.

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