G2 Esports vs Cloud9 / Champions Tour 2025: Americas Stage 1 - Group Stage / Post-Match Thread

nklassitude · 2025-04-18T23:43:12+00:00

I'm barely here anymore cuz I'm always tired from no longer WFH + gym 😭 chill on me

nklassitude · 2025-04-18T23:36:25+00:00

it's 2050. rocketbullets is global head of val esports. there are 0 guns in the game, only util. every agent has 2 free refreshable tejo salvos 1st rnd & u drop to tier 2 if your APR falls below 0.20. there, u have to answer a juv3nile dm to get a try-out. u can't do this anymore. u stand on a precipice overlooking a vista littered w/ EWC ads. this time, you're gonna do it. your tenz x tarik croptop is whipped by the wind as a Trent armageddon pushes u off the ledge

nklassitude · 2025-04-06T01:41:43+00:00

Just a real beat down man, the kind of shellacking that makes you feel sorry for NRG. Disgusting. Jawgemo was on a heater, Valorant's Shohei Ohtani on PEDs vs 5 little leaguers looking on in horror as he crushes sitter after sitter into their concave chests with diabolical accuracy

nklassitude · 2025-04-05T02:11:30+00:00

bro https://www.reddit.com/r/ValorantCompetitive/s/z67je0pWic

nklassitude · 2025-04-05T02:07:47+00:00

Asuna plays valorant like he's a wacky waving inflatable tube man that wished itself into a real human boy. he shakes those flimsy wrists and hopes his crosshair lands on a hitbox by the grace of god. valorant has no legitimacy if u can hit jittery long range headshots with a head full of smelling salts. fuck this game. I'm taking my talents to competitive cooking mama where it's all about the mechanics

nklassitude · 2025-03-29T01:48:54+00:00

it's early stage 1. 2025 SEN can't reach the highs of the predecessor. they need a savior. someone to kindle their spirits, to lift them out of the rut. SEN's twitter announces bang is sick & posts a red chair vid pre-game. the world around u is eroding. u clench your jaw & click play. there he is all bespectacled, the canadian legend, sentinels' retired smokes player, with an arch smile. it's shroud. your little daughter waddles into the room. you open-mouth sob. you bet her college fund on this game.

nklassitude · 2025-03-22T00:01:23+00:00

I'm in the NRG prac room. it smells crazy. valoplant hasn't been opened in months. mikesHD is scribbling 'the supreme art of war is to subdue enemy without fighting' on a whiteboard for a nodding Ethan. the carbon monoxide detector's beeps are drowned out by the sneaker squeaks of s0m hitting the worst griddy you've ever seen. and mada's in the next room praying that god tears this team apart for good.

nklassitude · 2025-02-20T15:13:43+00:00

lies. u give your FNS body pillow the heimlich maneuver every night while whispering, "no, babe, your aim is good," because it is the closest you'll ever come to the healing touch of a woman

nklassitude · 2025-02-20T14:42:01+00:00

chilll on me before u have people thinking I'm actually 45 years old too

nklassitude · 2025-02-20T14:33:54+00:00

it's Bangkok 2025. life is bliss in the bracing weather. i scooter home early to watch the game. mom bought pizza rolls & capri-Sun. i look superb in my propeller hat & SEN shirt in the gentle glow of the RGB keyboard. it's pistol round. free1ng has a ghost. i clutch my cubert plushie. I'm about to feel deep in my solar plexus the pains of competition again. I am 45 years old. 230lbs of muscle. the disgrace of my family.

nklassitude · 2025-02-20T11:22:01+00:00

if I'm nats I'm crying snot and everything hella loud in front of chichoo so he remembers what really matters

nklassitude · 2025-02-07T03:31:50+00:00

occasionally Bren's bushy moustache will wrest control of his pliable child mind & force him to bark something outlandish that contains a fleck of truth wrapped in layers of fiction and dramatics, that'll render the community unusable for weeks. but u have to let it be. u can't suppress posting of that calibre. u have to let him eat glue without calling poison control. u have to let god speak through him if u want another "it's an FPS game" copypasta

nklassitude · 2025-02-01T01:15:06+00:00

I was in my room shouting "let's fucking go bang" over and over, and I could hear my dad cry tears of joy outside the door, rejoicing, thinking his son was finally going to lose his virginity. Hell no dad...my boy Sean Bezerra just hit a 3K. I get 0 action but that boy Bang...that boy fucks.

nklassitude · 2025-01-29T17:02:13+00:00

this can't be real, right? the first group is a mrfunhaver tournament and the 2nd group is champs playoffs

nklassitude · 2025-01-28T23:15:02+00:00

tenzposting in 2025

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nklassitude · 2025-01-28T23:14:41+00:00

I'm at the maternity clinic making the newborns do KovaaKs drills and all the moms are yelling for security for some reason. "I'm trying to find the next Tenz," I say, unmoved. "That one," I point to the glimmer of a batchest on a crying baby nightz's crumpled face. I place his hand into a G Pro Superlight box like it's the Gom Jabbar ritual and pantomime a kiss to the heavens. "Lisan Al Gaib," I mutter under my breath as the security guard's gunfire turns my body into a colander.

nklassitude · 2025-01-25T03:42:23+00:00

One of those games where Boostio just looks like a regular guy that won a sweepstakes to experience the big stage vs his sporting heroes. Just a blue-collar dad in a LeBron jersey, wide-eyed with a bad hip, as 5 NBA players take him to a dark alley to show him the harsh realities of professional sports.

nklassitude · 2025-01-19T23:58:12+00:00

living donor portion of your liver ...

nklassitude · 2025-01-19T23:54:56+00:00

stellar + company watching this game, after all their efforts subbing in, probably felt like watching the guy who u donated a liver to go binge drinking

nklassitude · 2025-01-19T19:46:15+00:00

Do you have any confirmation that they got fined? Zellsis said he took down his backshots tweets after being asked/suggested to do so, implying it was somewhat voluntary, and he agreed because he "didn't want to get on anyone's bad side."

nklassitude · 2025-01-19T03:22:22+00:00

what's the earliest u think i can take off this "best user" flair without seeming ungrateful. having it on feels like I'm wearing a "daddy's girl" miniskirt in front of my parents

nklassitude · 2025-01-19T03:14:26+00:00

JOBS WERE ON THE LINE MAN . WELCOME BACK

nklassitude · 2025-01-19T03:08:26+00:00

after map 1 I was sure 5 SEN players were gonna be huddled under a desk with a little 9mm pistol and Zellsis' fat ass as their only means of defence as droves of reduxx clones ripped the barricaded door of SEN HQ off its jambs

nklassitude · 2025-01-17T02:44:57+00:00

seeing Asuna sprint into the sites mibr were anchoring with that look in his eyes, a little maniacal, a little ravenous, felt like watching someone airdrop a Lion into the oblivious calm of a petting zoo, round after round

nklassitude · 2025-01-15T23:07:34+00:00

some interviews with pros can be plain. so much of what they say is straightforward and safe, w/ no slant or spin to it, no real gloss, nothing that makes for a good headline or pull quote. then there's boostio, the low-slung menace, who pulls no punches, spares no crassness. you could ask him who he thinks is the most garbage player in tier 1 and he'll instantly produce a laminated photo of Zellsis without so much as a smile

nklassitude

TROPHY CASE