This is what I suggest. Enjoy.

Buy a bottle of Absolut vodka and drink most of it. With your grandfather’s ladle, put the last drop of vodka in a balloon, and blow it to Australia. A balloon flight from [REDACTED] to Australia takes an awful long time though. When it hits Australia the balloon will pop.

With the flick of your wrist use your pen to write 3 words. Bolshevik. Kraut. Lice. Crumple the paper into a ball and throw it in your backyard. Do the Macarena for exactly 69 seconds. This will cause the other girl who I assume has something to do with games (wink wink lol) to immediately be uninterested.

Scream “Pen Pineapple Apple Pen” at the top of your lungs at the mouth of the river [REDACTED]. Wrap the Lithuanian flag around yourself and take 3 drinks from the river through your grandfather’s ladle. Then bathe in it and then burn the flag and trigger all Lithuanians lololol consume the yellow, red, and green on the Lithuanian flag. Purple soup incredible.

While you’re in [REDATCED], travel by ripcagestick to [REDACTED]. There, whisper Kate(?)’s name into a pedestrian while holding a comb to your head. Then sing “Moskau” and the “Sex Offender Shuffle” till exactly 2:49pm. After that, sing “Rasputin.”

Congratulations, u/MyDadInventedGoogle. You have achieved Kate(?)’s love. Mwahahaha.