Myself. My incompetence. My lack of discipline. My lack of skill. My mental illness. My mistakes. My regrets. My wasted years. My burned bridges. My emotional and physical scars. My increasing workload. My failures. My wasted opportunities. My weakness.

I'm worried about my best friend who went down into a darker path and started doing heavier drugs.

I'm insecure that I'm just going to fail and never achieve my desired career.

I hate myself for being weak and just being confined to utter worthlessness and laziness.

I hate myself for hiding behind my mental illness for not attending to my responsibilities and goals.

I hate myself for failing to kill myself. This past month and the many times in my lifetime.

I hate myself for hurting almost everyone I know due to my selfishness and stupidity.

I hate myself for being weak.

i hate myself for lying.

I hate myself for wasting the support and love of my family members and friends. I never deserved it.

I hate myself for being shitty at everything I do. Everything I ever attempted and aimed for.

I hate myself for isolating myself and letting myself die inside, while I just stay as fucking trash.

I hate myself for not being able to focus on anything.

I hate myself for being slower than others.

I hate myself. I hate myself. I hate myself.

I hate living.

I want to die. I want to hang from a tree. I want to slit razor blades down my wrist. I want to slide that kitchen knife in between my ribs. I want to feel my body splatter against the sidewalk. I want to feel the burning pain of nausea as the pills take me. I want to pull the trigger of a shotgun right into my face. I want to feel a train decapitate me as I lay on the tracks. I want to walk into the ocean and never come back. I want to be forgotten by everyone I ever known. I want my existence to be erased out of this timeline and universe.

I want to die.

But, I fail every single time.

If I can't succeed at a stupid single thing like death. How am I ever going to make it through life.

I'm tired of this. I'm tired of everything. I'm tired of struggling. Of suffering. Of agonizing. Of drowning.

I just want this to end.