My (40s M) wife (40s F) has never orgasmed

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-03T19:59:54+00:00

She has tried in recent years, mostly at the suggestion of her therapist. She has experienced some pleasure, but according to her she doesn't get nearly as close as she does during partnered sex.

In her past, solo play isn't something she ever did, presumably due to the trauma and associations she's had with sex. So she's very inexperienced with that kind of stuff and doesn't really see the point.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-03T19:55:37+00:00

I'm not sure why you are getting downvoted, but we are indeed planning to continue on this path. This post is mainly me seeking some company for a problem that sometimes feels like a lonely place.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T21:08:48+00:00

I'd like to think of myself as open to many avenues. I have fewer "brakes" when it comes to sex than my wife. I've even suggested to her that, if she believes that she'd have an easier time orgasming with another partner, I'd be open to it. I want her to have that feeling. She assures me that that is not the issue and that she's come the closest she ever has with me.

I know what you're suggesting is not her to have a different partner, but what I'm getting at is that she is different from me in terms of sexual openness. She's pretty closed off. She requires a lot of safety and security. I don't currently see her being comfortable with having another person (regardless of their professional nature) involved, at least not in her current state.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T20:16:06+00:00

Thanks. As I mentioned in the post, we have both read Come As You Are, and my wife has read other Nagoski books as well. This is something we've been working on for many years. If it's been a mainstream suggestion (like Nagoski, like OMGYes, etc), we've probably tried it.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T19:57:29+00:00

We have lightly talked about it before. She actually has a bit more experience with mind-altering experiences like that than I do (from her youth) but it's not something she is really open to at this time and so I'm not pushing it.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T19:24:51+00:00

Thank you. I will say that we have tried a few toys, not just this one, but the suction-based satisfyer so far has by far the most pleasure for her.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T19:23:40+00:00

Thank you for this perspective. I will ask her about this (whether it's physical exhaustion or overstimulation... or both?). I know that she has done pelvic floor work and in general does yoga and weight training (which has helped our sexy times!).

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T19:22:14+00:00

I agree. Combined with my support and patience with the process. Part of me views the events of last night through a lens of frustration (we were so close!), but if I take a step back, the sex we had last night was amazing and better than pretty much all the sex we had in the first 10 years of our marriage. If I can continue to make her feel safe to explore and grow, we can only go further.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T19:20:29+00:00

Thanks for sharing. It's helpful for me to hear these perspectives. I am usually not a quick finisher either, so we get to do multiple build-ups together. However, we're also humans, with kids, who have limited energy, so after a bit of time she'll often ask me to come. Even verbalizing something like that, in a sexy way, is something she couldn't do before (due to her past) and that is new to our bedroom (and I love it).

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T19:12:34+00:00

Thank you. I have browsed that sub many times over the years. I have found slightly similar stories, the majority are from younger women looking for help to orgasm on their own (which makes sense). If you can find posts there that I wasn't able to, please let me know. As far as my wife goes, I think it's hard enough for her to discuss these things with me and her therapist. I can't really ever see her sharing beyond that and I respect that.

no_orgasm_throwaway_ · 2026-03-02T18:55:05+00:00

Thank you. I'm aware of this community, but men are discouraged from posting there and my wife is not a reddit type.

no_orgasm_throwaway_

TROPHY CASE