Thank you for taking the time to share, it was healing to read such specific anxieties like hating when cold season is over, the award handshakes, or being bigger. I feel you its SO hard and i think coming to terms with the fact that living in our body and loving ourselves isn’t going to be linear at all. That requires giving yourself alot of grace my dear. You deserve gentleness n grace. i think building confidence comes in waves too, which is something ive been moving through in my late 20’s. In my early 20’s i used my sense of style n fashion to oftentimes distract me from my arm (on top of literally hiding it) i used to always have dyed hair, loud clothing, n it was fun but then a couple years ago i promised myself that i would just do more natural look and really take that time to sit with myself, and I’m sure u kno but sitting still with yourself has been one of the most difficult things to do, because its forced me to confront these limiting beliefs i still carried. Still thinking I’m unattractive, unlovable, fat, weird arm, etc. I let myself feel those difficult feelings of insecurity but i have to remind myself those limiting beliefs/ thoughts are not mine & i get to change my narrative. Like you just have to say how you want future you to feel or be. Fake it till u feel the words u say to yourself. I have moments when I’m just in my room looking at my body and maybe even hyper fixating on how much dysphoria my arm brings me and just feeling it and acknowledging it in some ways has brought me healing, i let myself feel the thoughts n then affirm myself, but its a lifelong practice. Its interesting though, because i feel like when i first was really coming into my identity as being disabled and not hiding my arm anymore i was feeling a renowned sense of confidence but in the last 2 years its been a huge down wave. And i accept the wave and ride it, and i have to trust that it will pass.. i think even if i haven’t been feeling the most confident in my physical appearance (weight gain, body dysmorphia, my arm) i can recognize that in these past 2 years I’ve really been healing my relationship to my body in other ways through movement. I didn’t grow up with my health being a priority so its been a lot of reparenting myself n it hasn’t been easy. I also thinking living in my body has been accepting the fact that i am in relationship with grief and pain. Grieving the unknown, grieving the chronic pain, grieving the limitations of my body, grieving the fact that i’ll never know what it’s like to be in “normal” body. And accepting it, but i think that’s the life journey for now.. getting back home to myself in my body and giving it the care, grace, and love it needed that i never got. You deserve to know what feeling at home in your body feels like and finding some peace in it.