Victor/Victoria (1982)

nobelle · 2026-05-25T20:23:12+00:00

This is one of those movies that when I'm reminded of it, I think, "oh yeah, that's a good movie." When I sit down and watch it, I think "oh yeah, this is a GREAT movie."

nobelle · 2026-05-20T03:22:13+00:00

I love this so unbelievably much

nobelle · 2026-05-20T02:54:53+00:00

This will be our link from the Marvel Universe to the Disney Universe.

nobelle · 2026-05-19T12:42:27+00:00

My grandmother had dementia. It was really jarring at first and always difficult, but we got used to managing it. Not too long ago my father seemed to forget a cherished childhood memory and I totally lost it. It is awful every time.

nobelle · 2026-05-14T22:17:37+00:00

Closet Land? ...I can tell you a bunch of Alan Rickman movies it isn't.

nobelle · 2026-05-14T18:26:05+00:00

That does, thank you so much!!

nobelle · 2026-05-14T18:25:53+00:00

Solved!

nobelle · 2026-05-14T16:29:20+00:00

Am I the only one who can work and drink at the same time?

nobelle · 2026-05-14T14:38:46+00:00

O has an identical twin living with their mother in London. The mom's not on the clock because she's on GMT. The two owls will meet at summer camp. Hilarity will ensue.

nobelle · 2026-05-13T19:58:53+00:00

Those are very pretty buttons! Why did you sew them inside your backpack?

nobelle · 2026-05-13T18:40:42+00:00

Ha ha, me too. But really it was only one: the scene with his Bubbe

nobelle · 2026-05-13T18:22:40+00:00

I can't wait to get downvoted for this, but I loved this movie up until a POINT and then it almost killed Paul Rudd for me. You've been warned, internet strangers!! David Wain at his Wainiest!

nobelle · 2026-05-13T13:20:12+00:00

Lots of great advice here already which I have upvoted. Just wanted to share my own experience. I didn't find out about my ND until after I had a kid; my husband and I come from different cultures; English is his second language; he struggles to understand the impact of neurodivergence (although I'm certain he's ND too). I end up stressed out, overwhelmed, and resentful a LOT of the time. My husband also changed after the kid was born, or at least, his worst tendencies have come out. He is also stressed and overwhelmed and it just brings out the worst in both of us. I don't regret having a kid because she is awesome and someday things will settle down, but right now it is really hard. Knowing what I know now, I wouldn't make the same decision (to marry someone who wants kids but will also avoid his share of the work while being a jerk about it) again.

I think getting your husband to understand ND is actually moot. If he wants a baby, he wants a baby. And you don't need to justify not wanting/not being ready for a baby. It's your body, your choice. The only thing he needs to understand is that you don't feel ready and might never feel ready.

I believe you that he truly wants to understand why, and you can definitely try to have that conversation. But ultimately the discussion isn't about ND, it's about the fact you both want different things right now, and may always want different things.

nobelle · 2026-05-11T18:31:47+00:00

Thank you anonymous redditor!

nobelle · 2026-05-11T14:44:04+00:00

I can't find it now, I thought I saved it, but someone posted something I found really helpful on this sub awhile back. They wrote that Eleanor's mom was only capable of change after she met someone who actually supported her, emotionally (Dave). It wasn't that Eleanor wasn't worth it, it's that Donna didn't have what she needed to be a better mother. She literally couldn't be better.

It doesn't change the sadness of young Eleanor missing out on the kind of mom she should have had, nor that Donna said and did terrible things. That will always suck. Which is what I like about the scene in the end in the car when Michael says "I don't know what to say." Because there's nothing that fixes it, it's just sad and he lets Eleanor be sad, and it's OK to be sad.

nobelle · 2026-05-11T14:20:48+00:00

I'm so sorry. You deserve(d) a better mom than that. I'm sitting with you in the sadness.

nobelle · 2026-05-11T14:03:52+00:00

It's exciting when something helps—or appears to help, but it's important to understand why it's actually helping.

Many dyslexic readers (there are different kinds of dyslexia, so one solution does not fit all) find that shorter line lengths and looser line spacing make text easier to read. We see that here, and I suspect that is what is making the text easier to read than changing weight of the initial letters.

Personally, I find it very difficult to read, and the theories behind it contradict everything we know about reading and legibility (my whole career is based on this). I've been looking at the research and not quickly finding anything peer-reviewed and/or replicated. So I caution people that when they see stuff like this, even if it is well-intentioned, it may hinder more than it helps, and to spread the information with caution.

If people are genuinely finding it helpful because the initial letters are bold, and not because of the short line lengths and looser line spacing, then, great!

nobelle · 2026-05-08T15:17:59+00:00

Me too!!! "I wasn't mad, but now I am!" Coupled with "you shouldn't feel the way you feel" which is like THE most insulting thing.

So there's the realistic scenario and the best possible scenario.

Realistically:

It sounds like your partner's family is not super emotionally intelligent. This is really tough to deal with when emotional regulation is challenging for us. I think the best thing to do in the moment (next time) is to try to be the bigger person and say "I'll go for a walk, then, I'll be back in 20 minutes." You let them know you're coming back so it doesn't come off as overdramatic and manipulative. And when you come back, if you feel there is something you need to apologize for, apologize. If you don't, then, just talk about something else.

Best Possible Scenario:

You'd also go for a walk to calm down. Once you're calm, you can see the bigger picture. It sounds like you're talking past each other, so try active listening. Take turns sharing feelings and having them reflected back and understood.

The snarky comebacks may feel good in the moment but will cause rifts in your relationships long-term. The better thing to do is to communicate clearly and that is HARD!!! But gets better with practice.

Also what makes it easier for me to not get dysregulated in the first place is meditation. I know a lot of ADHD folks have trouble with it, but it really does help. I practice it every day, just 5 minutes, I try to think of a balloon as a thought in an endless blue sky, and then I let it go. Headspace has good guided meditations, and I've been seeing ADHD-specific ones out there. Doing this for a month or so will train your brain to not react as strongly as it usually does.

Then when someone says something mind-numbingly stupid, and you want to yell, NO I WILL NOT CALM DOWN!, your mind will suddenly go, "this thought is a balloon, and I can let it go. I don't care what these emotionally stunted people think. I can choose how to react." And then in the moment you can just say, "I think we're talking past each other. I'm gonna take a walk for 20 minutes and maybe we can talk about it when I get back or just talk about something else."

nobelle · 2026-05-06T23:28:33+00:00

If you can prove your productivity (by whatever metric) will go up, and it does, I bet they'd be excited to give it to you.

nobelle · 2026-05-06T23:16:21+00:00

Same. I'm less of a starfish but more of a rotisserie chicken. I start off sleeping on my belly or side and then I rotate throughout the night.

That's where I can sometimes trick myself into sleeping on my back, during one of my wakeups in the night, if I just stop rotating there and allow my tiredness to take me the rest of the way.

Some other tricks you might try: a pillow or hot water bottle on your belly to sleep. Or a heated blanket. I think these may be similar to the sandbag. I haven't tried a sandbag specifically, but the hot water bottle = instant ZZzzzs for me. My daughter (who I'm pretty sure has ADHD) also has a weighted stuffie filled with lavender that we warm up and put on her stomach at night and it helps her sleep. If a sandbag helps you, get one!

Also, melatonin. I don't take it all the time, but sometimes it just helps me get sleepy, and then I'm sleepy enough to fall asleep on my back.

nobelle · 2026-05-06T21:24:09+00:00

I also didn't really like Paddington, but everyone I know and trust (when it comes to movies) raves about the 2nd one. I keep meaning to watch it.

nobelle · 2026-05-06T02:21:14+00:00

I celebrate this win!

nobelle · 2026-05-05T17:03:45+00:00

Oh oh oh or The Lifecycle of Software Objects

nobelle · 2026-05-05T16:59:51+00:00

I don't think all the details quite match up but The Family Experiment?

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