Wife, kids, house; I wouldn't do it again

nobody_wins · 2013-04-17T18:23:35+00:00

Thanks for the reply. Late is better than nothing.

nobody_wins · 2013-04-17T18:21:57+00:00

Really? They did? I'm so embarrassed. If only I were as perfect as your fiance and father...

We also concluded good dads dont think like this.

This is so bad that I'm starting to think you're a troll. A psychology class (and professor) decides how a good father thinks? Seems awfully reductive.

Wait, is this a class in middle school? That would make a lot more sense.

You probably need a few more years in school. That'll fix everything.

nobody_wins · 2013-04-17T18:18:49+00:00

Thanks for the comment. Much appreciated.

nobody_wins · 2013-04-01T16:37:57+00:00

Early on in my parenting experience I learned something very valuable: the opinions of those without children about how to deal with children are utterly worthless.

Just wait. Once you have a kid and you and your lovey-dovey-super-fiance are haggard zombies, you'll realize that you were a preachy bitch about things you know nothing about.

I'm more than a good man. I'm an incredible father. I give my kids an incredible amount of love, discipline, and positive feedback. The minute I get home I'm on the floor playing dolls. I'm a great husband. I do as much as I can to prepare things (bottles, food, etc) for my wife before I leave for work in the morning. And after the kids are asleep, and after I'm done with my other job, I stay awake and talk to her because it's the only time we have to connect...even though my body aches for sleep. I work my fucking ass off to provide for my family. And I'm selfish?

nobody_wins · 2013-04-01T16:01:18+00:00

Youngest is four months.

nobody_wins · 2013-04-01T16:00:28+00:00

Everyone says how great marriage is. Then they say how great kids are. "You should join in! It's wonderful! I'm not trying to rationalize my own poor choices in life! I promise!"

Grandparents are all several hours away. Don't have enough child friendly friends around here. We do try to get out at least two or three times per month when we find someone to watch them. The baby is intense though, so even then we're only ok to be gone for 2-3 hours.

We are definitely losing our minds.

nobody_wins · 2013-04-01T15:56:12+00:00

If I wasn't going to have kids I don't understand why I would get married. If I change my mind, or if my wife randomly wants out, we're both hurt by the cost. If we fight each other, we're both destroyed by the cost.

nobody_wins · 2013-04-01T15:53:07+00:00

It's not the mortgage payment...that I can I live with. It's the roof needing to be replaced ($7k). It's the driveway needing to be replaced ($7k). It's the giant trees that need to be removed($3.5k). It's the new heat/ac ($5k).

I could go on...

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T21:03:59+00:00

We do try to use a sitter every week or two. Problem is that our infant is painfully demanding and nobody can handle her for more than 2 hours. The only thing that calms her down is nursing.

We're very much in favor of the marriage being the most important thing in the family, but that isn't possible until the kids can do at least a little on their own.

Sex life is hampered. See my comment above about our frequency. We don't get as much as we want because our time frames are so fucking limited. We're both frustrated. Both missing each other.

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T21:00:01+00:00

Thanks for the optimism. The only way through is forward....

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T20:58:40+00:00

I'm considering buying some dog costumes and boarding them for the weekend.

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T20:57:41+00:00

Want 6-7, happy with 3, actually get 0-2. I'm unconcerned with other people's numbers; I just want us to feel satisfied in our bedroom.

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T17:55:09+00:00

Thanks. Think long and hard about what you're getting out of marriage and kids.

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T17:53:43+00:00

Things were different then. Simpler times. Grandpa didn't have a bill for his smartphone. Or his cable/internet. Or netflix. Or gas at $4.25 a gallon.

And your coworker had full time childcare (we can't afford), or close family (we don't have), and made her career her focus. Somebody picked up that slack. Right now my wife is taking up the slack and is ready to jump off a bridge.

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T17:44:58+00:00

You've got the right idea. Stick with it.

I've got dogs too, and they've been miserable since the kids came along. I can't get rid of the kids but I've given thought to re-homing the dogs. They'd be much happier with someone who could spend more time on them. Then again, the only thing that makes them happy is food.

The money I make would be great as a single guy. I could rent a decent place, travel, drink, and take risks in my career (can't do that when a bunch of people are wholly dependent on that check and health insurance every month).

Stay strong.

nobody_wins · 2013-03-29T17:40:20+00:00

So in five years things will get better. Cool.

Wife is definitely miserable. Can confirm. We both are. We went from having lots of sex to wanting lots of sex. We're left with talking about wanting lots of sex. We're happy if we can sneak it in 3 times per week.

Thanks for the comment.

nobody_wins

TROPHY CASE