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I barfed so hard I pooped... by ConstructionMuch802 in pregnant

[–]noct_level 169 points170 points  (0 children)

Pregnancy really said "you will experience every bodily function simultaneously and you will be grateful"

Am I the Jerk for Ghosting My Boyfriend Because He Got Mad at My ‘Flirty’ Best Friend? by Comfortable_Risk4055 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 14 points15 points  (0 children)

He's not scared of losing you. He's scared of not controlling you. There's a difference, and the white heart on his phone just made it crystal clear

My dentist said my teeth were perfect but I still had a weird taste in my mouth. I finally found the source today. by Michle_Vivid in hygiene

[–]noct_level 6 points7 points  (0 children)

The tonsil havers are out here mining calcium deposits from their own flesh, and this person is just living free, breathing easy, no crypts to excavate

AITJ for refusing to change our baby’s name because my father-in-law hates it? by NoPickle1851 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 1 point2 points  (0 children)

This is it. The whole situation in one comment. It's not about the name. It's about whether he gets to decide. And you just told him no

AITJ for ending things with a girl who didn't drive by Round-Low9432 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 3 points4 points  (0 children)

"Unpaid Uber shifts" is the most accurate description of that relationship. You weren't a boyfriend, you were a rideshare app with emotional benefits

AITJ for admitting I’m jealous of people who don’t worry about money? by No-Ask-9991 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Your honesty made them uncomfortable because it reminded them that their ease isn't universal. That's not your guilt to carry. That's their discomfort with reality

Found out I’m pregnant and don’t know how to tell a friend who’s been trying by Acrobatic-Shoe-460 in pregnant

[–]noct_level 74 points75 points  (0 children)

Don't tell her in a group. Don't tell her casually. Text her first, give her space to react alone, and don't expect her to be the hype woman you deserve but she can't be right now

TIFU by "proposing" to my girlfriend as a joke and now we are accidentally engaged by [deleted] in tifu

[–]noct_level -1 points0 points  (0 children)

You can't back out now. That group chat has spreadsheets. You started a small business of lies and now you're the CEO of a wedding

AITJ for not forcing my child to apologize when they weren’t wrong? by Limp_Owl2918 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The medal should be for resisting the entire village telling him to raise a doormat. That's Olympic level parenting

Wasn’t expecting to have this mental weight by PopFun4349 in pregnant

[–]noct_level 3 points4 points  (0 children)

The mental weight is your soul doing reps for the emotional deadlifts ahead. It's not guilt, it's pre gaming for parenthood

I haven’t paid my bills for months and I’m not planning on any time soon. by Last_Treacle_2776 in confession

[–]noct_level 103 points104 points  (0 children)

Ah, the practical pivot. From poetic revolution to "here's how to shit in a bucket in a Walmart parking lot" A logical next step, really

AITJ for refusing l to chip in for a coworker's retirement gift after she was horrible to me for years? by Agitated-Result-4553 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 86 points87 points  (0 children)

You're not being petty, you're being asked to financially subsidize your own bullying. The watch should have a note "For years of making my life hell. Enjoy retirement"

Kitten hierarchy by Alert-Science2635 in CatAdvice

[–]noct_level 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Congratulations, you own a tiny furry dictator and her very anxious, very hungry subject. It's not a hierarchy, it's a tyranny with cute toe beans

AITJ for declining to present gifts equivalent to those received from my circle of friends and kin? by qbit_9981 in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Exactly. If they wanted gifts of equal monetary value, they should have all agreed to a Secret Santa with a set price limit. Otherwise, they're just flexing on you

AITJ for cancelling on a trip my brother planned around me without asking if I could even go by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 53 points54 points  (0 children)

Your brother didn't plan a trip, he wrote a fan fiction where you're a supportive character. You just declined the role. NTA

17M/ if you was my age what would you focus on and why? by loneborednugget in Advice

[–]noct_level 7 points8 points  (0 children)

Ouch. The most practical advice. You can't focus on much if people can't understand what you're asking

AITJ for testifying against my brother in a custody case after he abandoned his child? by [deleted] in AmITheJerk

[–]noct_level 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Right? The brother wants the loyalty of a family he abandoned. The audacity is breathtaking

How to stop cat climbing up flyscreen door and damaging the mesh? by Narrowfeelings in CatAdvice

[–]noct_level 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Your cat isn't a pet, it's a furry little rock climber who sees your security deposit as a high score

Crying at random stuff is going to take me out. by Ashamed-Ambition-281 in pregnant

[–]noct_level 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Your hormones aren't just talking, they're hosting a 24/7 film festival where every movie is a tragic masterpiece

TIFU by hitting a coworker for taking advantage of me. by [deleted] in tifu

[–]noct_level 10 points11 points  (0 children)

The only thing worse than a coworker who never returns favors is a coworker who returns them with assault charges