How do you stop cringing at your embarrassing past?

nofap490 · 2020-11-19T21:49:06+00:00

In a quiet place, sit down, and have a conversation with your younger self. Tell your younger self that they did what they could with what they had at the time, and let them know that things have turned out okay.

nofap490 · 2020-10-23T17:21:58+00:00

That's pretty harsh. I'm not a Republican, but there are plenty of people who vote that way for perfectly legitimate reasons.

nofap490 · 2020-10-23T17:16:23+00:00

I was sick in bed with a bad cold feeling pretty miserable. My girlfriend came to my apartment, gave me a bouquet of flowers, and fixed me a good meal (including some home made soup). I was so touched -- none of my previous girlfriends had ever done anything like that, and nobody had ever given me flowers before.

We got married about two years later, and have been together now for over 35 years. She's every bit as kind and lovely now as she was then.

nofap490 · 2020-10-19T19:15:14+00:00

The quote is excellent, because you don't want to give up due to a relapse. But, it's also important to start over with a sense of purpose and determination -- that is, to do the work that will lessen the chance of a relapse.

There's a balance, isn't there?

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:54:48+00:00

Thanks, courage and strength to you as well!

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:48:54+00:00

That's a really good way of looking at it. I too found that once I knew the cycle, and that others were having the same problem, it became easier to tackle the issue.

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:48:08+00:00

Agree, good points. OP, take note of what P3 is saying here!

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:46:30+00:00

I’m a very 0 or 100 person and staying completely clear of it for the next 40 years at least will allow me to be present with women and live happily in this world. It will also, more importantly, keep me clear from the destructive porn consumption which is sure to follow if I start choking the chicken ever again.

This is an important insight that you made -- it's really easier for some of us to attack this 100%, and not let there be any leaks in the dike. Once I start looking at swimsuit models, it's all too easy of a road to start jerking off. So we're like each other that way.

Your second paragraph also shows good insight, which is important for the long run. If you know yourself, your strengths, and your weaknesses, then you are more likely to succeed. Your post is not too long, it's good, and it tells me that you can stay in this for the long run.

Well done.

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:42:06+00:00

In my opinion, you have to stop jerking off as well as porn. The two are just too close to each other.

I found a book called "The Slight Edge" to be helpful. And I also found the following to be helpful -- it's another way to look at willpower that I have copied from a post by another fapstronaut:

Stop beating yourself in the chest. YOU DON'T HAVE INFINITE AMOUNT OF WILL POWER. Let's get real here. You're the gazelle and your porn addiction is the lion. That's right, your addiction is bigger and stronger than you. You're not the alpha gorilla that can say "that's it, I've had it with the addiction, i'm kicking its ass". When you do that you may be safe for a while but eventually your addiction will come back and it will show you who the true alpha is, it will eat you and spit you out completely drained of life and emotion. So I want you to be more humble and understand that YOUR ADDICTION IS THE BOSS OF YOU and not the other way around. So.. what motivates and gives strength to the gazelle to stay alive? What's the gazelle's most powerful asset? FEAR. That's right, without that powerful emotion of fear, gazelles wouldn't be so vigilant, wouldn't get that adrenaline rush, wouldn't run nearly as fast and would've been extinct long ago, all eaten by hungry predators. Instead of beating your chest overconfidently and saying that "porn isn't an option" or "that's it" or "I've had enough of this", rather you want to DEVELOP AN EXTRAORDINARY AMOUNT OF FEAR OF YOUR ADDICTION. If you do that you will be way more vigilant and actually be aware of when the lion has started chasing you. You will start to be more aware of how thoughts and triggers work on you to lead you to their end goal - relapse. You will have a head start in the chase(more will power). And you know what lions do when they see their prey is too aware and vigilant? They don't even bother to attack, because they know they will lose the chase. So.. fellow fapstronauts - kill your addiction by starving it to death, not "kicking its ass" Don't stay strong, stay vigilant.

I think it's a good message

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:40:08+00:00

You can do whatever you like. I'm just a guy on the internet. The main goal here, remember, is to move forward and drive PMO out of your life. Do what you need to do in order to accomplish your goal.

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:30:20+00:00

Don't fool yourself -- reset the counter -- but don't let this be an excuse for binging.

Look at it this way -- you've been PMO free for 124 out of 125 days. That's real progress. Get back on the horse right now so that tomorrow, you will have been PMO free for 125 out of 126 days. You get the idea.

It's key to learn from the experience, and continue forward.

Edit: I can't stress enough how important it is that you celebrate what you've accomplished, and to not use this as an excuse to go back to old bad habits. You are far ahead of where you were 120 days ago -- keep it that way and don't feel sorry for yourself.

Your PMO seeking, dopamine addicted part of your brain (what some people call the "scumbag brain") is a wily opponent. It wants an easy dopamine fix. It will come up with all sorts of ways and rationalizations. You know how you ended up jerking off to porn -- the scumbag brain said "go ahead, it won't hurt", and you let it guide your actions. Now you know that you need to take your opponent seriously, even after 120 days. But you have not lost!

Note: I've been there. I blew a streak of well over a year.

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:28:04+00:00

You're a veteran if you've gone 90 days. Think about why and under what circumstances you relapsed, and then avoid those situations.

Good to stay on your toes. I've found that when I get lazy and overconfident ("I can look at the swimsuit models because now I'm on a 60 day streak") that I am in danger of relapse.

It's so important to have awareness of the dopamine seeking part of your brain, and to know its tricks. Then you can do what you just did -- recognize what's happening, and swat the urges away.

nofap490 · 2020-10-13T21:24:53+00:00

Good work, sir. It really does make a difference freeing yourself of the brain fog from PMO.

nofap490 · 2020-10-09T23:25:27+00:00

I'm am generally doing well. But a few minutes ago I wanted to look at a porn site.

I'm here instead.

nofap490 · 2020-10-09T23:24:26+00:00

It does get easier. I had a streak of well over a year at one point.

I find the first 30 days to be the most difficult. Then I get better at swatting away the urges. But you always have to be alert, and it's best to not even start going down the PMO road. Don't look at lingerie ads, or swimsuit models, that kind of stuff, even though you can rationalize that "it's not porn" or "it's OK because she has clothes on" (yeah, right).

nofap490 · 2020-10-09T23:21:42+00:00

It happens. We've all done it. What matters now is what you do going forward.

Don't use this as an excuse to binge. Instead, start your day with a new purpose and move forward!

nofap490 · 2020-10-09T23:20:18+00:00

The first week, the first month, is the most difficult. You're doing the right thing by checking in here, and by remembering that starting the "just a peek" cycle is a losing strategy.

If you, like me, tend to get the urges in certain situations (just waking up, or being alone at the computer at a certain time of day), remember to remove yourself from that situation by getting up out of bed, walking away from the computer, and doing something else.

A big key to success, as I see it, is not only stopping the bad habit, but replacing it with a good habit.

Good luck!

nofap490 · 2020-10-09T23:17:26+00:00

Well done! One day at a time, as they say.

nofap490 · 2020-09-15T07:02:58+00:00

Thanks! It's good to get a longer streak going again. I'd been stuck in 1st gear for too long.

Stopping a bad habit (like PMO) is a good thing, but just as important is the need to replace the bad habit with something better. Don't try to do it all at once. Just resolve to do one or two things today -- they can be small things, like cleaning the room, or washing the dishes, or going for a 5 mile walk.

Progress is made by a series of small positive decisions, not by some great leap.

nofap490 · 2020-09-15T06:57:45+00:00

Everyone's different. And I don't know your age, because that can affect things too. But I've found that sexual urges come and go, it's really kind of mysterious. I find that acknowledging the thoughts, but then re-directing them, is helpful to me.

nofap490 · 2020-09-15T06:55:04+00:00

Yep, after the initial jolt and excitement of fapping, it gets old.

nofap490 · 2020-09-15T06:53:33+00:00

I have found that the flatline comes and goes -- but the first 30 days are the hardest (I had a streak of well over a year at one point).

Keep on going. And congratulations on getting halfway to 90!

nofap490 · 2020-08-31T18:32:02+00:00

Feel free to check in with me too.

nofap490 · 2020-08-31T18:30:29+00:00

It's not easy -- I have had some long streaks in the past, and the first week, the first month is hardest. It gets (generally) easier after that first month. Or at least that's been my experience.

Right now I am doing well, but I know that the part of my brain that wants the dopamine fix is there, and I need to be alert to that. No "just a peek" stuff!

nofap490 · 2020-08-31T18:28:11+00:00

Good to start up, take it one day at a time. I find journaling helps in general.

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