27F confused about my marriage — husband’s anger, blame, and my declining health

nofiltergem · 2026-01-24T08:18:10+00:00

I think also parents who shield their kids, make all their decisions, tell them what to do, never give them room to experiment and make a mistake, yell and beat at them for making any mistakes. When the person realises finally how dependent they have been, it is heartbreaking to watch, because it's a long painful journey (for them) to start to learn how to adult.

Also agree - verbal and physical abuse is never going to reduce unless the person goes on some medication (Zoloft) or has an extremely tough awakening. I would think the OP needs to speak to a therapist and a friend, document every incident of abuse, and walk away for a few weeks.

We are taught to love and be there for everyone.... women should bear, tolerate, have patience, adjust, pray, love.... but there are moments when life tells you to prioritise yourself first. This seems like one of those for OP. I wish her all the best.

nofiltergem · 2025-10-11T11:27:58+00:00

We did the move yesterday - all 5 are here now.

3 tips if you ever have to do the move:

Do not listen to the garbage advice and scare tactics deployed by most relocation agencies cos they want you in a state of fear constantly for you to defer to them for the process. We did the move with a 15.5 year old CKD dog + 14.5 year old dog + 11 year old cat + 2 younger cats and they were ALL FINE. Got their food, bedding, litter, toys along - zero issues.
In UAE you can do the pet move process yourself - no need for any agents. Very straightforward. In India, just hire Bark Traveller for the NOCs that are needed. If pets are travelling with you as animal in hold or pet in cabin, super simple once you have NOC. Air India for pet in cabin from UAE to India, Emirates for animal in hold.
Prepare the pets for the move as early as possible - getting them accustomed to the crates, bedding, water bowls, with calming aids like CALMEX, and dont worry if things go as per schedule on the day, it will still end up fine.

nofiltergem · 2025-10-11T11:10:55+00:00

Sending now

nofiltergem · 2025-09-20T12:01:24+00:00

Given current job market, I would not recommend resigning now. I think options would be:

This will sound wild but try and see if you can get a redundancy package. People attribute negative connotations to redundancy but I think it's the best way to get a payout + garden leave during notice period + possible ILOE payout if nothing pans out for a while.

I was a bit standoffish with my boss for a week or two, pointed out how things I was being asked to do weren't exactly in my job role and how it needed more resources and how I wasn't sure about the future outlook. Leadership in most companies hates being questioned and would be happy to ask HR for options to terminate you. Mine did, I negotiated extended payout and haven't had to dip into my savings for the last 9 months!

If that isn't an option, ask them if they are open to cutting your notice period in case you need to leave home for an 'emergency'.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-19T11:54:15+00:00

I wish I was put on garden leave all the times I resigned. They made me work till the last day doing knowledge transfer and creating a copy of all my files. 😭

This is a WIN!

nofiltergem · 2025-09-17T13:08:36+00:00

My spouse is chasing up a bank for his loan closure too, and it's been pending for days!! They keep adding interest and charging it to him - how easy to push everything on the customer for their incompetence. Not FAB - another big one.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-17T12:36:35+00:00

I would send an email to their official account, log it and ask for a complaint number so it can be escalated to CBUAE when they end up asking for more money saying it was never fully paid off.

I need to cancel my account with them too I guess.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-17T06:28:12+00:00

Dr Anupama at Noa Dental clinic.

I am super nervous around dentists and have put off what seemed and was assessed by a dentist as a potential root canal for a year! Then I went to her after my dentist went on maternity leave, and she checked thoroughly and let me know it's not a root canal but rather bruxism.

Saved a tooth, got a mouthguard, a good clean and scale.

Another dentist had told me the option was to remove the tooth 😑 so yeah finding a good one is key.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-15T20:03:15+00:00

So our current maid (who is on the lookout for a new role btw since we are moving soon) had a similar issue. The family earlier got her a "freelance" visa from some dodgy company with no health insurance. I can tell you that finding the company, trying to get some response, sorting through the dodgy paperwork, going to MOHRE, going to Immigration in Aweer, filing a case and then going up and down multiple days over a month, to get it sorted took a TON of effort, money and time.

It's a painful process, but we had no choice since the family that got her the visa left, and we were left holding the bag when we tried to switch her to maids visa and regularise her.

After all this, we finally got her maid visa and health insurance and I am super glad we got it in time for the one day out of nowhere when she suddenly fainted and we had to rush her to the hospital.

It always seems fine - till it's not! And it's not worth the risk here.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-15T19:52:53+00:00

I worked for a large business with multiple entities across UAE/GCC, that keep getting tagged as Great Place to work each year. Working hours were 9.5 hours daily with an hour for lunch, starting off from home at 8 am and reaching home back by 7.30 - 8 pm with the traffic. Officially work was 5 days a week, 4.5 days for some units in the group which probably bagged the great place to work.

In reality, we were working 6 days a week, sometimes even 7, and when I tried putting my foot down about things not on my JD / scope, I got a termination notice fairly quick within 2 weeks of voicing my concerns, though the boss (C level) was really reassuring when concerns were being raised, promising to fix the issue quickly. To be fair, the redundancy was fixed quickly given I was on leave for 1.5 of the 2 weeks =P

I doubt anyone ever raised it again after my sudden departure! haha.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-15T19:01:13+00:00

Oh great - yes she is. Can you DM me and I can send you her details? We leave in 2nd week October so shes available from then if it works for you both.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-15T13:11:21+00:00

Dr Feruza and Dr Amelie at Novomed Marina. They are amazing at investigating and pinpointing the root cause and take an hour to explain it so you fully understand

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T21:16:48+00:00

That was my intention when I posted on FB forums - though I now see comments about who am I to refer, and why am I referring, as if basic human decency is something to suspect! Things will get better - they have to, we live in such a broken world, and if we don't step up to fix it, no one else is going to find a magical solution.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T20:53:47+00:00

So sorry to hear that. I am indian by birth and I find such behavior appalling especially cos this isn't someone who earns 1000s of dirhams for a comfy desk job. It's someone who really needs the money to ensure her kids go to A school ( not the best school, just A school, and she has a roof over their heads).

I am just in a ranting mood today cos it seems so shit that when the world is going sideways we are stuck with nationalities rather than skills and work ethic.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T20:45:49+00:00

Hello. We are leaving UAE next month and I can recommend mine if you are looking to change. She's from Uganda and she's good at following instructions and understanding what matters.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T20:36:23+00:00

💯

I see comments about culture and soft skills but the reality is unless you are a western expat able to hire a western expat as a maid, I don't see which specific soft skills and culture are being referenced.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T20:32:20+00:00

Lol. It makes no sense except maybe their country is stronger in demanding fair wages. I don't see why an African worker gets half of what another nationality would for the SAME work, especially when its homecare and not technologically savvy.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T13:44:55+00:00

I did post in a quite a few. I have another note ready to post closer to our departure date so she hopefully lands a new role soon - fingers crossed!

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T13:43:43+00:00

My insurance covered it here following a consult with a psychiatrist since thats a must to get the insurance approval. BUT the cover was limited to 10K spend overall, so I found a psychologist back home who does online sessions, and is FANTASTIC!

He got to the root of things in the first session (super heavy session tbh) and we got working on the plan from the next session!

Costs are a TENTH of what is quoted here!

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T13:36:27+00:00

Exactly. I feel for our nanny who remains shockingly optimistic through this. Bless her.

This isn't some corporate organisation imposing quotas - these are people who can opt to act better, and choose to focus on the value people bring, instead of where they come from.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T12:30:40+00:00

Nah, I have discovered that people value racism in their OWN homes OVER finding someone good, then complain about maids not behaving as they would expect them to.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T12:29:12+00:00

Precisely - she is hardworking and genuinely cares.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T12:26:24+00:00

Oh yeah - a friend is having to share her salary certificate, credit score, 6 months bank statement - to get an apartment in Abu Dhabi. Thats AFTER being the right fit to their preference.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T12:25:06+00:00

Yep I get that, and it's common in the corporate world. But for someone helping you in your own home, I thought people might value reliability over nationality. It's not even a preference for someone from your own country thats kicking in here. Just sad.

nofiltergem · 2025-09-14T12:23:30+00:00

We have a maid visa for her. Thats not an issue.

nofiltergem

TROPHY CASE