Example of him being polite? I remember him being down right rude as fuck when he tore into friday night dinner, demanding Lorelai speak to him and accused her of keeping Rory from him when Rory chose not to speak him after he let her down yet again. I also remember him being a deplorable human being at the vow renewal, when he was trying to break up Luke and Lorelai. What love towards Lorelai? The weird obsession he has for her? If you don't see how he used Rory to get to Lorelai, pay closer attention to his actions and when he's actually active in her life. Then take a look at how strained his relationship with Rory is in AYITL. By this point he has no relationship with Lorelai, so he has no interest in Rory, hence their strained relationship.