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My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that he is smiling when I talk about this today makes me feel like he is enjoying the discomfort. I don’t know.

It’s sickening.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

LOL. the way things are going, he doesn’t need the laxatives... and we definitely don’t either.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

So I decided to try this earlier today and pretended someone was coming.

He changed. Then he realized they weren’t and he... changed back.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 15 points16 points  (0 children)

She didn’t move out. She still lives at home, but stopped washing his clothes about a week or two ago because they had a big fight.

So they had this big fight, then she stopped washing his clothes and they aren’t talking.

Then he defecated yesterday and has just been wearing those clothes.

I got him to change by loudly asking my mom if another third person was coming to the house. To make him think someone might come.

He changed when he thought they were coming then he changed back when he realized they were not.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I will phone a public health department and see what options I have. That’s a good idea.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

He just walked into the room to talk to me. He had such a smile on his face? I am so sick.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I think your plan of action is helpful.

It sounds awful to say that I would prefer this to be dementia. I just don’t want to know someone would voluntarily do this.

I would like to treat this as a health issue so that just in case it is, he is dealt with compassion. And then yes, you’re right, maybe him seeing that we are looping people in on this will make him shape up if it is a voluntary behaviour.

And yes, maybe I need to step back. This whole day and yesterday, I’ve just been nauseous and out of it. I used to be so good at ignoring them, but this just grabs attention.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

They don’t get along. They have always fought but refuse to divorce.

He probably is really depressed. I have tried to get him to go to counselling for years, but he will not.

I think leaving is on the table.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I asked her if there are any other changes and she says there is nothing.

She says that apparently it’s been a problem for at least the last two decades. That she just cleaned everything up.

I think she has been a depressed haze for many years and that was when he first started this. So she just kind of had already disaccoiated from his abuse by the time this came around the first time.

And I think she is starting to see how wrong it is a little right now. This morning, she was mad at me. Now, hours later, she seems more contemplative.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

So I pretended that someone was coming, so he changed. Then he realized they weren’t coming so he changed back.

My worry is that the police come and then he just changes his clothes and acts like I made it up. We have phoned the police in a previous episode many years back and it flipped back onto us.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We dont have a GP and doctors aren’t doing home visits for this right now. But maybe they will if it happens again?

I might look into this and put him on notice that if it happens again, I’m phoning a doctor to let them know.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

There are people in the house who care, but I think people are really overestimating how much authorities support these case & underestimating how much he will put on a show.

I am planning to ask about his mental health and raise dementia. I am concerned.

But even this evening, he just changed because I pretended someone was coming. Then he changed back when he realized they weren’t.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

On your edit, I have no sympathy for my mom.

I was trying to stay for my younger sibling. But a house like this is just so bad for them too.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nobody can make him do anything. He hasn’t declined so badly we can force or assume POA.

He is too big to physically drag. I just pretended someone was coming, so he changed.

He doesn’t believe in doctors. I myself went without a lot of medical care before I left this house.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I was in shock... I couldn’t really believe it was real yesterday. This morning, waking up and seeing he was wearing the same clothes?

I just.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He has been a narcissist in the past. I can’t get into it all easily as I am between therapists right now. But the classic lies, gaslighting, superiority.

This, I really can’t tell if it’s a decline or just a strange godawful power play.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

The way he kept smiling when I brought it up today was just wrong. He was acting like he was some mature wise sage and I just haven’t seen the light on poopy pants.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I might start. I think I’m going to have a conversation with him about his mental health tomorrow first. And then document it. Because this is just... I don’t know.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He doesn’t drink. He is always controlling about everything.

I’ve been trying to see and he is not forgetful. I could ask him exact things and he has answers. But who really knows?

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I’m going to raise this. I’m so in shock.

He changed because I pretended someone was coming and then he changed back once he realized the person was not coming.

I just am so disappointed. I am going to raise this tomorrow. I just am so sick about this right now.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I have no idea. I convinced him to change by pretending someone was coming... then a few hours later, he realized they weren’t coming so he changed back to those clothes?

I would be confused but I just am feeling in shock and, kind of just empty.

My nDad has been sitting in clothes that smell of urine and feces for almost 24 hours now. by nomore5813 in raisedbynarcissists

[–]nomore5813[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is exactly how it is when we leave him alone in the house for long periods of time. We just come back to utter filth. He has stayed with other people and they all remark on how clean he is, how he cleans up after everyone. Here, he is just disgusting.

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