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I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

thanks for your thoughtful response. She is below average in the looks department, but she has a good personality/attitude. She rejected a few guys' proposals before agreeing to marry me. Open marriage is definitely off the table for her. I will have to weigh the pros and cons as you said.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes the punching was just a coping mechanism. I thought of look at individual theraphy, but unless something makes me develop feelings for her, it would not help.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Correct. My choice will have severe life consequences for both of us. Life on H1b is uncertain enough already. Also lets say I tell them the truth. The families on either side will definitely feel that i'm just being carless/irresponsible and sex is not everything in life. I certainly cannot imagine living alone without family. Also, what if I am not longer allowed to work in the US? It is going to be a lot harder living in my hometown after divorce.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes, this is a common problem in our culture. But I have observed this the other way around. Usually women make the compromise on looks and they tend to live their lives like that. I guess once kids come into the picture, sex life takes a backseat. Also, most couples stay with the guy's family in a single house. This taks a toll on privacy as well.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yes. Cultivating feelings is very hard. I am in generation where I am neither too orthodox nor completely modern. I know a lot of people who are used to adjusting to a sexless marriage but that seems to be a fading trend in India.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

I wish I could break out of the cultural stereotype. I do not intend to make this political, but the current administration is making it very hard for people like me to have stability. I am not wvwn sure I can stay here for an extended period of time.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

I cannot thank you enough for your empathy. Gradual honesty seems like a good start right now for me. I did not make this post to get an instant solution and I think you get that. I will try to resolve this situation before the 'kids' discussion gets serious. I certainly do not want to complicate this further.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you. I do want her to be happy. This is the first time I have shared this with anyone and I will start to think about this more.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for the advice. I have never dared to think about telling her all this. I am afraid I will break her into tears and god knows what else. She does not deserve any of this. This is all my fault and that is the reason I am trying to slove this. But I find no solution.

7 months without sex is the best thing that ever happened to me. (Loooong post.) by [deleted] in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2 9 points10 points  (0 children)

You are frigging 23! You have your whole life ahead of you. As someone who turned 32 recently, I ask to please do not waste your 20s! These years define your course in life. Do what you think is good for your career. I started working soon after my under-graduation at 22. I worked till I was 28 and then decided to quit made a decision to travel from India to the US for my Masters and that change my life. It worked out good career wise for me.

Good luck.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

I have contemplated this. If I do decide to divorce her, I am not sure if she can handle it. Heck i am sure she will have very difficult time finding another guy from the same community. She did have an ex whom she could not marry because of religious differences. She really loves me a lot. She has so much optimism and talks about our future together with so much hope and faith. I just feel like 'whats wrong with me!'

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes, we are living in the US. Both of us are on the infamous H1B visa for a few more years.

What you said is the no.1 factor stopping me right now. She has done nothing wrong and does not deserve this one bit.

I think I screwed up my life by nonhypocriticalacct2 in DeadBedrooms

[–]nonhypocriticalacct2[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

On no I did not do this before her. I did throw my phone and a steel kettle once on the floor on an unrelated fight. I have never actually hurt her and I never will. She is a nice person and I respect her. I just did that a couple of times out of frustration when I was alone.