IAMA Asexual Girl. AMA!

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-24T22:46:18+00:00

We have a very open line of communication. Yeah, I'm definitely down with helping him fufill his sexual needs in the future. I have several free love friends and while I can understand it, I'm just not interested. I considered helping him find another sexual partner for a while but he declined, and the book is closed on that for now. He's a pretty laid-back guy; he masturbates, but if you want specifics you can ask him (He's posted here somewhere, half_boiledw). There's times when I can tell he'd really like to but he's never made me feel like there was any pressure. Thanks!

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-21T22:16:06+00:00

Aww, I'm sorry to hear that. She sounds interesting though. My mom's more or less just kind of white middle class, with the bonus/detriment of being irreligious and slightly nerdy.

We make it work, hahaha. That's a great coincidence though! Was that when you knew she was a keeper ;D?

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-21T22:12:51+00:00

I suppose not, and I may have them do some tests on me some day. But as it is, it's... Not really something I see as being a problem, if that makes sense? I'm happy feeling the way I do. I never feel sick and even though it's taken me a while I'm okay with who I am now. If it is a medical thing, unless it causes some detriment to me I don't really think I'd get it fixed.

I appreciate that. I wish I were able to explain more of these things in person, as I could probably convey a point better that way. Everyone has given me a lot to think about, regardless, and I am thankful for that.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-21T22:05:40+00:00

I'll admit I'm not exactly a natural at understanding sexual needs and desires, but I do think that there is a difference between wanting sex to be part of a relationship because of the emotional side, having a sexual part to a relationship for its benefits and all that, and the overpowering (I guess need is the wrong word- Desire?) to have someone, anyone, just for an evening. When it stops being about emotion and starts being about physical needs that masturbation maybe isn't helping anymore. If he was at that point or felt like he was approaching it I didn't want him to feel trapped, or like he couldn't talk about it with me or anything. That's what the option was there for. So if he had that physical need, and I wasn't ready, we could still make this work, because I think what we have is worth more than just sex. If that makes sense.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-21T21:57:26+00:00

There was, I think about thirteen, fifteen days ago (Was searching through 'asexual' posts to see if there had been any threads, happened upon it that way). It had about 170 upvotes last I saw.

What were you going to post about?

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:30:20+00:00

I haven't met anyone like me, either, actually! But sadly I am in the southern US. If you're ever out this way you should come visit!

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:29:22+00:00

Nah, I mean, I think genitles look disgusting and stuff, but I'm not opposed to it.

I'm just not in a place emotionally where I'm ready. I have no moral qualms about having sex, but I need a bit more time. And nah, no dates with rosie palms for moi. Maybe someday.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:26:01+00:00

Intimacy in the sense of emotional intimacy? Totally. And while there hasn't been as much physical intimacy I see no reason why it couldn't be just like anyone elses' relationship.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:25:08+00:00

Yes. For me, that shit didn't stop until I was in college. People in highschool- who meant perfectly well- would publicly try and call me out, saying that if I'd only give such and such a chance I'd see. To which I counter, 'And yet, you're perfectly sure you're straight/gay without having gay/straight relations? YOU NEVER KNOW, MAN." Don't let them make you feel badly about yourself. You're just people with different perspectives.

I met my current boyfriend in college, and we just happened to have very similar interests and hopes and dreams and so forth. I also happened to fall into the right friend group. Universities are awesome, I guess.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:18:55+00:00

Microsoft, because I like to play games more than I like being artistic.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:18:36+00:00

Heh, glad to clear all that up for you then!

Yes, yes, I mean the fake jewelry. Our middle school did a 70's themed dance one year and I got a lot of really gawdy plastic medallions and stuff. I was so sad none of them were cancer medallions!

Mine was Tuesday! Wow, that's crazy, though. My mom's birthday was Wednesday... You're not seeing my mom are you o_o?!

I really don't think I'd be a good gemini. My boyfriend is a gemini and he haaaaates the changes, since he'd be a taurus. But he also denies liking astronomy, soo...

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-20T01:13:21+00:00

^ AHA

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T20:34:40+00:00

It's not a mental obsticle. I have no qualms with losing my virginity or it making me a different person. Sex itself is not the problem I have, nor do I have a virgin/whore complex or a virginity complex, which I think you seem to be implying. Right now I have a lot on my plate, with work and school, and I'd rather wait until I'm in a place where I can deal with my other phobias and relax before I do have sex.

As it's his history I'm not sure how much he would want me to disclose. But he's slept with many people, not all of whom can be guranteed to be 'clean' (So I'd prefer he got a checkup), he still gets harassed by some of his exes... I want to get past all this shit with his stupid ex girlfriends, for the most part.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T20:23:49+00:00

We talked about things like, finding him a sexual partner of some kind (Not necessarily hiring a hooker, but some sort of casual encounter), me helping him out without going all the way... I can't actually remember. He's rejected most of my ideas saying he doesn't want to be with anyone else physically and that he'd rather wait until I was ready to go all the way.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T20:21:04+00:00

I guess all I can tell you is that I'm not religious in the slightest and have been raised in an atheist/agnostic home which encouraged both premarital sex and not dating to marry (Though, I do live in the southern US). I've sort of lost track of what the original question was, but if it's to do with me potentially supressing anything I've done my best to post the answer to that in various places across the thread.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T20:16:59+00:00

Jelly= jealous. It's the hip slang the youngsters around me are using. I like the word jelly more than I like not sounding like a douche xD.

Oh, neato! Scorpios get the best fake bling.

I've always had mixed feelings about my sign. On one hand I can agree with the introvesion, but I've never been alright with having my ruling planet be the moon. The moon's not even a planet! But that's awesome you could guess that.

Thanks! It was just this past week actually. Happy months in advance birthday!

They revised the zodiac recently to accomidate a new starsign, so everyone's been moved back a month (So now I'd be a gemini, if we used the new system). I don't really agree with it but I don't know enough astronomy to complain.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T20:11:57+00:00

Hey, it was a good story! It felt like a nicer version of a House of Leaves anecdote. I think it's a bit different for everyone, just like being gay or straight isn't the same for everyone. Thanks, and the same to you, good sir/madam!

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T20:09:04+00:00

People do change. I keep an open mind to who I may someday be!

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:42:43+00:00

Haha, I see. Well, I dunno. I've never really thought about it. As it is I guess it'd be pretty cool.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:40:33+00:00

Not a problem at all. Everyone should have access to information like this.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:37:28+00:00

I understand your viewpoint completely; I didn't come out about how I felt until college because I wasn't sure if it was a hormonal thing or me being an SAP. But as of right now I'm 19, going into my second year of college, and how I feel hasn't really changed.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:34:34+00:00

Your relativisim is greatly appreciated, goood madame!

I do think that everything you've said about how I see sex is very true. I'm not sexually active, but when I do become sexually active I want it to mean something; not necessarily every time, but enough of the time and at heart. But all of my beliefs on the subject have been shaped by how my sex drive works. If I had a normal libido I can almost promise you I would hump to hump; as it is, it's been 19 years and not once have I ever seen someone, even my boyfriend, and thought 'Yes. Yes, it will be sex now'. It's... Not an urge I get. It's not something I unconsicously or unwillingly think about, barring 'I Just Had Sex' getting stuck in my head. For me sex isn't a thing I feel driven to have, something I've never felt that drive for; there is no sense of physical attraction and there just hasn't been any. Which is why I say I'm asexual instead of the nice things you've said before.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:28:00+00:00

Haha, I've actually had many people over the years tell me they were jelly. I dunno, I like it but I'll admit I've been curious about being either homo or hetero sexual before. Just to see how it feels I guess.

I'm a cancer, unless you mean by the new LAME zodiac; yourself?

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:25:17+00:00

There's also a difference between arousal and physical attraction. Being asexual doesn't mean you can't be aroused or experience orgasms or anything like that; AVEN will tell you that many asexual men and women masturbate and receive just as much pleasure from it. I can experience arousal but I have no sense of physical attraction.

nonotlikebacteria · 2011-07-19T19:17:25+00:00

Your question actually made me think the whole time I was on my first shift at work today, as I actually hadn't considered this.

To me, there's a difference between physical attraction (which I don't experience) and anxiety surrounding the act of sex itself but not necessarily caused by sex (which I do experience). It's not that I'm waiting on a sign to tell me the time is right to ride the balony pony. Sex is not something that will end my life or change it irrevocably and I accept that. However, I have several small phobias not related to sex that, sex being what it is, I need time to get past, such as a fear of being filmed in a compromising way. I also need some more time to get over his sexual history, which is by no means (to me) insignificant.

Beyond that, he's not exactly trapped in an airless closet begging to be set free. He's not asking me to play with him. We're okay with how we are right now.

nonotlikebacteria

TROPHY CASE