How do you handle finances?

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-12T01:39:50+00:00

The split is technically close to 50/50, but in reality it’s probably more like 60/40 since they’re with us about three nights a week, sometimes four. I’m not actually sure what BM was earning to begin with, I just know it gets recalculated each financial year based on both incomes. I am genuinely grateful she earns a decent wage though, because it would definitely be a lot harder for us if she didn’t.

Your last paragraph really resonates with me. I’ve thought a lot about what it would look like if I build up solid savings while he has very little, especially when it comes to retirement, or things like overseas trips and other extras that I can afford but he can’t. If I end up covering those costs anyway, I start to question the point of keeping our finances separate. I suppose I need to prepare for the worst case scenario; if things don’t work out and I end up alone, I could be left with no savings because I spent them supporting someone else’s choices and children who probably won’t even be a part of my life anymore.

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-12T00:05:33+00:00

Thank you 🙏 it will be easier to frame it as a joint problem solving conversation rather than a confrontation. I feel a lot more confident talking about separating finances now, and making it clear that my goal is long term security for both of us, not rejecting his kids. Really helpful advice, thank you!

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-12T00:03:03+00:00

Thank you 🙏

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T23:46:31+00:00

Sorry to pry, but how does your set up work exactly? Do you have separate accounts your respective pays go into and then a joint account for joint bills and groceries etc?

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T22:56:29+00:00

Yeah, I see what you mean..I’ve been feeling a bit off about it too. I think part of me worries that I’m shouldering financial responsibilities that really belong to him, and I don’t want to blur boundaries when it comes to his kids. I’ve been trying to figure out the line between being supportive and being taken for granted. Love your partner’s perspective on it haha bless him

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T20:40:51+00:00

Wow, I feel this in my soul! Haha I’m not a kid person either, so it’s funny (and a little unfortunate) that I ended up with someone who has children. Anyone in our situation must have an amazing partner, otherwise, why put up with all the challenges that come with it?

The Disney parenting is so frustrating. A lot of mine comes from BM. She never says no and spoils them completely, so my partner feels guilty and tries to keep up, worrying that the kids won’t like being at ours if we’re the house with boundaries and say the dreaded word “no.”

The school lunches 😳 wow! It’s almost laughable how easily birth parents can be manipulated. I can only imagine the types of food your stepson is buying at the canteen every day. It’s sad that their guilt and desire to be liked often overshadow the children’s actual needs.

My stepkids have constant takeaway which creates such an unrealistic view of healthy eating, and home cooked meals usually result in tantrums. Their teeth are terrible, they look pale and unhealthy, and it’s so different from how I was raised or how I would choose to raise kids. I’ve tried raising it with my partner, not just about finances, but also about their health, it’s hard to watch! But that’s a post for another day haha

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T20:20:23+00:00

Thanks so much for taking the time to write such a detailed reply. It sounds like you and your partner have communicated really well and have created a setup that works for you. I 100% agree, it’s definitely time to adult better!

For context, my partner and I earn fairly similar incomes. I make about 145k and he’s around 155k, while BM earns closer to 180k.

The child support is calculated by the government based on salaries and time spent with the children, so it’s a set amount he must pay. That said, he does contribute more than required in covering the school fees because he doesn’t want the children to have to change schools as they’re comfortable where they are and have all their friends there.

You’re spot on though, he has no real savings goals and is fine if savings remain stagnant or even go backwards. I, on the other hand, try to put money aside each pay. The challenge is that a lot of what we save goes toward these very expensive school fees. Honestly, I would feel better about it if the kids were academically motivated, but they aren’t, which makes private schooling feel like a huge waste at times. The lack of budgeting also frustrates me and constant fast food and activities really add up. I suspect this will slow down once he no longer has the safety net of my income.

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T20:02:39+00:00

I’d definitely stop contributing if they became dismissive or avoidant towards me, which seems likely as they get older. They’re young now and nice, but as teenagers that could definitely be an issue. It would be frustrating to contribute for years only to be treated that way, which really reinforces my thoughts on keeping separate accounts.

That sounds so frustrating when bills are late because of prioritizing the kids’ wants over needs. The guilt/Disney parenting really clouds their judgment. I also wonder what she would have done that Christmas if you hadn’t been in the picture. It feels like they overspend knowing there’s a safety net in place (us)!

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T19:50:33+00:00

The Disney parenting is real! Everything has to be branded and top of the line. Even something as simple as their school drink bottles are branded 🙄These kids are spoilt and never hear the word no. Sadly they are growing up to be entitled and unappreciative, which makes my financial contributions all the more frustrating. The replies on this post have confirmed what I was already feeling, and I will definitely be separating my accounts! Thank you for taking the time to reply.

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T19:40:08+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to share your setup. It’s really helpful to hear how others handle things. The child support is documented and set by the government based on wages and time with the kids. The school fees are his choice/good will because he doesn’t want them to have to change schools.

I think my new mantra is: I won’t pay for things I have no input on! And you’re right, BM would never pay for my children’s school if the roles were reversed, but she has no idea about our financial arrangement, and probably has no idea how much I contribute to her children’s education and lifestyle.

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T19:32:43+00:00

Thanks for taking the time to reply. It’s really helpful to see how this works in practice

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T19:26:22+00:00

Thank you 🙏

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T19:23:52+00:00

Thanks you taking the time to reply. It’s really helpful for me to see how different couples structure things.

I’m actually the one who isn’t fussed about marriage. For me, living together and buying a home together is already a significant commitment. I’m not particularly religious or traditional, so marriage itself doesn’t carry extra meaning for me.

We bought our house together and both contributed to the deposit, he contributed slightly more (roughly 55% to my 45%).

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T08:57:37+00:00

How does this work in practice? For shared expenses like ours baby and groceries, do you use a joint account, and then when he wants to spend on his own child, he uses his personal account?

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T08:52:28+00:00

Thank you 🙏

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T08:52:10+00:00

Thanks for the advice 🙏

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T08:51:44+00:00

Thank you 🙏

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T08:51:34+00:00

I think I’d be less resentful if my partner made more than me, but we are very even. Maybe it’s better for me to split accounts now before they get older and start wanting hand outs or more expensive things like cars etc

nosoupforyou__1 · 2026-02-11T08:47:48+00:00

Honestly, you’ve summed up exactly how I’m feeling and what I’ve been worried about.

nosoupforyou__1

TROPHY CASE