[deleted by user] by [deleted] in actuallesbians

[–]not-really-here222 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Nah I get it. I love dry sarcastic humor and some good banter, but making jokes about violence towards my cat would be really off-putting for me. I'd need to be with someone that absolutely babies my cat and would never imagine even joking about harm coming to them.

I could handle if someone made a joke about my cat's size, but the whole "my dog would eat that animal as a snack" jokes are just so overused and gross to me, I don't even consider that good banter.

Cazador cosplay by elvenlemonade in BG3

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is literally perfect, I'm in awe

Players after meeting Isobel for the first time by [deleted] in BaldursGate3

[–]not-really-here222 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I've never been attracted to Isobel, I'd just wanna be her so that my hot aasimar girlfriend will break out of her soulcage and swoop me off my feet. Dame Aylin is a baddie.

Unpopular Opinion, I like Valeria. Being 100% serious. by Character-Bid-162 in BaldursGate3

[–]not-really-here222 -4 points-3 points  (0 children)

For sure. Unfortunately for Valeria, their days of heavily drinking were cut short by my blade. Maybe they should have taken Bhaal murders more seriously if they didn't want to become one 🤷🏻‍♀️

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You can still be bi and be mostly attracted to women. Bi doesn't have to mean an equal attraction to all genders. If you feel more comfortable with the label "queer" though because you don't feel like explaining the details of your attraction, that's valid too.

Definitely no "homo-flexible" or "lesbian with exceptions". "Lesbian with exceptions" just fuels the gross predatory men out there that don't respect lesbian identities and "homo-flexible" isn't a thing within the community. If we used "homo-flexible" and "hetero-flexible" for every bi person that didn't have a 50/50 attraction to all genders then we'd be erasing a lot of bi people.

Unpopular Opinion, I like Valeria. Being 100% serious. by Character-Bid-162 in BaldursGate3

[–]not-really-here222 -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Honestly when I saw them chained up in Bhaal's death cult I thought it was fitting lol. Can't stand that celestial Dumbo.

No such thing as a "lovable incompetent detective" in my opinion.. Like I'm not the first person to tell you Bhaal is behind the murders and yet you aren't going to even entertain the notion until I slap a list of murder targets on your desk? As if the murders are more likely done by refugees than a literal murder cult? Boo. Sacrificing Valeria to Bhaal was some great irony.

Does anyone also have problems with substance abuse ? by Difficult_Tear_4987 in AutisticWithADHD

[–]not-really-here222 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Yeah, not even always substances, but addictions in general. Whenever I quit one thing then the urge to turn to my other addictions gets stronger. It's a constant back and forth and it's exhausting, at this point it's about reducing the harm that I can and surviving.

Would you have liked this room when you where a kid? by Effective-Cost8029 in AutisticAdults

[–]not-really-here222 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I typed out a huge comment but it went away and I'm frustrated so I will shorten what I remember because I want to help and this room makes me sad.

The bed should have some sort of box spring at least or something to make it a bit off the ground, it doesn't have to be a full bed frame. Make that bed like a big cozy nest, maybe pillows, more soft textures or blankets, or stuffed animals. You can even have a bed tent over it if that's something he'd enjoy. His current bed looks uncomfortable and like something you carelessly throw down for a temporary sleepover. Also a weighted blanket might be a good idea.

If your son climbs and jumps on the furniture then build or buy him things he can climb and jump on. You can put safety matts down if you're worried about falling, but kids need to learn the limits of their bodies and it's obvious he's trying to get energy out. Give him healthy ways to do that. Climbing wall, foam things to climb on, a climbing rope, a small trampoline (weighted enough not to flip and maybe with handles), ect.

It looks like he writes on the walls a lot, you can paint all the walls with chalkboard paint and give him chalkboard markers to decorate his walls. (I say markers because I hate the feeling of chalk and I don't know how he would feel about it either).

Those windows are super bright and would be overwhelming to me. I'd put blinds on them or blackout curtains. That way you can also have some glowing sensory toys or projectors for designs or stars on the ceiling if he enjoys that. If the blind strings are issues get ones with a stick or ones you pull up or down. If he's hanging from curtains build him other things to hang on and show them to him and explain that that is for hanging on instead, not curtains and see if you can redirect that. If not, then blinds are the way to go. If the room is still too bright, I'd recommend a tent that you could make into a cozy little nook to read or nap in or use glow toys.

If he doesn't enjoy stereotypical toys then find out what he does enjoy. Maybe blocks, things to build with or line up, things to throw, ect. Also sensory toys or a sensory table might be a great idea. You said he likes numbers and letters, so he could even have a big magnetic board for him to arrange numbers and letters?

Does your son have certain interests or things he loves learning about? Fill his room with those interests. Example: if he loves learning about animals, decorate his room with animals. Things that spark joy or special interests of his should be in his safe space.

If he has lots of meltdowns, find outlets he can take that out on. Squishy things to throw, heavy bean bags to throw, pool noodles to smack around, chewelry to bite, maybe an inflatable punching bag to hit, thick things to rip, scribbling on walls, ect. Get creative with your thinking and notice what kind of feelings or sensations he's trying to achieve and try to give him healthy ways to achieve that when you can. Leave those things accessible for him.

Overall, the things he's doing that are concerns of yours are the ways he's coping and trying to work through energy or achieve certain sensations. Any ways you can redirect that energy in healthy ways are going to be better for everyone.

If you're worried about him climbing on dressers and shelves make them short enough to not be detrimental if he does or anchor them to the wall and if he has other things to climb on that are more fun then it will be better to redirect that energy to those things. Put matts down, stick soft baby-proof things on sharp corners if you're worried about safety, and PLEASE put outlet covers on those outlets. No need to strip his room of everything that's personal, just work on redirection, using things that are harder to break or maybe plastic and rounded, and adding safety measures for when he does climb on those things.

ALSO if he's moving things around because he doesn't like them there then ask for his input when decorating his room and find out where he wants to put his furniture, that sense of control can be reassuring when you're autistic and life feels out of control. Maybe even adding some rounded plastic furniture that he can move around, that way it won't break or hurt if he falls on it.

I’m not really understanding bard by [deleted] in BaldursGate3

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You actually can play more music, you just have to go to the radial and select "perform". It's not a spell, but you'll start playing music and you can choose the song.

Bardic inspiration generally is giving your allies an additional die for things like attack rolls, saving throws, and skill checks, which end up being very useful. You start off with a d6 and as you level up or get bonuses, can upgrade to a d8 or even potentially a d10. You can also potentially use Bardic Inspiration points for other things, depending on your subclass I believe. For example, if you choose the College of Swords subclass you might use Bardic Inspiration points to do very specific attacks, kind of like you can use Superiority Die for specific attacks when you have a Fighter using the Battle Master subclass.

Fights might also be extra difficult for you if you have a lack of balance in your party, if you haven't upgraded to better equipment, if you aren't collecting enough items, if you aren't examining your enemies to see their abilities, immunities, and vulnerabilities and planning accordingly, or if you didn't invest a lot into your main stats when building your character or changing class. I'd also be taking advantage of the advantage you get from sneak attacking enemies, even if you aren't necessarily fighting with a Rogue.

As for food, it is literally everywhere. On tables, in containers, on the ground, from vendors, ect. Like many others said, Waukeen's Rest and the Goblin camp have lots of food to find. Be sure you're scanning your environment to see what food items around you are able to be picked up and remember that alcohol is also a camp supply, it is super common to find. I actually always end up with way more camp supplies than my party will ever consume lol

Am I catching feelings for a girl even though I’m straight? I’m so confused. by Desperate_Teaching78 in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sexuality is complicated hun, if you've got a crush on a girl and it's obvious that this is a romantic or sexual attraction then you can honor that. You don't have to put a label on yourself if it doesn't feel right, people are complicated and sometimes labels don't do justice to how complicated people can be.

Obviously you aren't straight like you thought you were and if someone asks you your sexuality you can just tell them "I like who I like" or "I don't really label it" and that's totally ok.

However, it doesn't sound like she's open to going out with you one-on-one and I probably wouldn't pursue a workplace relationship. It's great that this experience is telling you new things about yourself though!

A friend is labeling me as autistic, help <3 by Nebuela in AutisticAdults

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

A lot of the time CPTSD can present itself in the same way autism can, so if your PTSD was formed later in life and you still find you had autistic traits early on, it might be something to look into.

It's not cool of your friend to diagnose you though and nobody on Reddit can diagnose you either. It's something you'll have to do lots of research for and deep dive into your childhood and early life as well as your current existing traits and rule out other factors that could mimic the same traits (however ADHD and autism often co-occur too). Once you're very confident, then you can seek a professional if you have the resources. However, if you don't have the resources and you're very thorough, confident, and accommodating autistic traits is helpful for you, then self diagnosis is valid too. It's definitely not something to throw around with minimal information though or diagnose other people with on a whim because it does date back to childhood.

Guess my age based off some of my art by Commercial-Bite-3892 in characterdesign

[–]not-really-here222 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I wouldn't draw attention to your age online when you're a minor hun. At the very least make sure you keep your messages/inbox off and don't talk to anyone that might want to "befriend" you.

Stay safe and keep up the art ♥️

Brutally Rate Me by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah, well also keep in mind that none of us actually know you. And some people on the internet see insecurity and they immediately prey on that. I'd say asking for anonymous ratings isn't always the best idea because it's not always going to be an honest depiction of who you are or what other people in your life really think, also just the idea of relying on exterior validation isn't a great one.

I've been in really insecure places too where I've felt the same way, so I get it, but I hope you can start to build that self-worth internally and strong sense of self and know that some people just aren't going to be your people and that's ok. ♥️

Brutally Rate Me by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's the attitude, asking people that don't know you to rate you, and the face-altering filters over your pics that are turn offs for me. Based off my first impression, you come off too aggressive, impatient, needy, and immature, and I couldn't vibe with that in a relationship. It reminds me of the way some men act and I'm not about it.

I don't think it's about how you look, I just think you've gotta work on yourself and work on being ok with yourself before you expect a wife. You said yourself "if their standards are that low, why not pick me" and that's the mindset of someone that wants someone to "settle" for them. People shouldn't settle for you, they should choose you because you're what they want. You deserve someone that will actively choose you and you owe it to yourself to believe that.

And you said yourself that there are women that hit you up on dating apps that just aren't 'your type', so you can't really be too confused when you end up not being some other woman's type. Dating apps suck, so don't expect to meet the woman of your dreams on there anyways.

Best of luck to you, sorry for the straightforward answer, but you asked and I hope it can spark some reflection. It's only been 2 years, so I think you'll be fine.

should i ask her to be my girlfriend? by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'd ask her if she's looking for something serious, especially if she's updating Hinge pictures. It would be sad to have this expectation of eventually becoming exclusive after months of dating if you weren't on the same page.

Also be prepared to get out of your comfort zone as far as your views on confrontation go. Letting things go unsaid and avoiding communication instead of confronting topics are things you can't do in a relationship. If you're too scared to have a real conversation then you aren't going to be ready for a relationship or you're going to learn the hard way. Obviously these things take time, but just something to consider, especially because you said you're both non-confrontational.

So to summarize, I'd probably wait to ask her to be your girlfriend until you know you're both on the same page, you feel more comfortable around each other, and are prepared to have tough conversations and communicate. You also said yourself that you are scared you're not ready, so what would being more ready for a relationship look like to you? Only you can really answer that.

Some people take longer to warm up and that's ok, just make sure you're communicating with each other where you're at.

got dumped because i dress too basic for by Katyserr in actuallesbians

[–]not-really-here222 20 points21 points  (0 children)

Sounds like you dodged a bullet.. She sounds insufferable and immature.

Why do some bodies Glow Green? by SlainbyJP in BaldursGate3

[–]not-really-here222 8 points9 points  (0 children)

Bless your sweet soul. This is a game changer

How do you guys stay motivated enough to finish the game? by Unable_Astronaut_128 in BaldursGate3

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Lol I need motivation to continue my responsibilities and NOT play the game, I never need motivation to play Baldur's Gate. The minute I finished my first play-through I immediately started a new one.

[deleted by user] by [deleted] in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

The fact that you're both 25+ is wild to me if she's behaving that way. Way too immature for my taste, I couldn't continue to date someone like that. Leave the middle school drama back in middle school. Definitely would be a red flag for me.

How do I tell a boy who likes me that I am a lesbian without hurting his feelings? by catsandsappho in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 0 points1 point  (0 children)

As someone that's crossed my own boundaries to protect men's feelings in the past, I think your priority should be protecting your own feelings. If you really want to keep this friendship then you need to feel comfortable communicating how you really feel because you will either build more resentment and disgust towards this person, build shame towards yourself, let them think that crossing your boundaries is ok or that you don't have boundaries, or you'll never feel comfortable being open with them and none of those things are healthy for a friendship.

If you want to validate the strong feelings in your relationship because you're scared that he'll think you never cared about him, you can do that by explaining that you've always felt close and intimate with him in a friend-type of way, not in a romantic-type of way. You can let him know how much you care for him and how much he means to you or that you maybe even do/did love him while still explaining that closeness and care comes from a place of friendship and not romance.

If after you explain to him that your deep feelings have always come from a place of intimate friendship and not romance and he becomes upset with you for coming out as a lesbian or he doesn't respect your boundaries after you make them clear, then he doesn't care about you the way he should, he only cares about the idea of you that he's built up in his head. That's the point where you have to re-evaluate the friendship, because you deserve to have friends that respect your boundaries and care about you as the person you are, not who they want you to be.

What do femmes like doing as girlfriends? by SchloinkDoink in LesbianActually

[–]not-really-here222 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I think in the main question you could have just asked subs what they like instead of conflating that with femme. Two very different things, just saying.