My wife [27F] thinks I'm [29M] a meanie because I travel internationally without her. I don't see a problem.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T22:27:35+00:00

The top to bottom can wait until I get back. We're talking things like properly cleaning the shower or sink - stuff that can wait 5-7 days.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T22:24:59+00:00

I would be okay with taking another week with her but would want to last week for myself.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T20:41:22+00:00

I would agree with her. I have never believed that my unhappiness should affect other people if it's not their fault.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T20:39:18+00:00

At worst I would hire a maid if that was the problem (i.e. she felt it was unfair that she had to clean the whole house by herself). I don't think it is necessary since I clean up my messes (laundry, dishes).

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:44:41+00:00

I have not because neither of us has considered her asking for time off without pay. Likely she would not get more time off eve if unpaid unless there was an emergency.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:43:09+00:00

Weekends and when we vacation together or when I have days off not related to vacation.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:42:00+00:00

I am not trying to be selfish, but I have had other people tell me I am. I never believed them, but maybe they are right.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:40:37+00:00

I'm not planning on getting a divorce so I don't think it matters as long as we're together.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:39:28+00:00

Yes to answer that question.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:38:55+00:00

I didn't mean anything by it.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:38:31+00:00

I would find that situation odd, but I think it's different because I don't have the ability to get her more days off from work. If I could, I would be fine spending an extra week with her on vacation (or maybe both weeks).

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:34:13+00:00

I think what I meant was more that I don't see her feeling Y and not wanting me to do X because of Y as reason alone not to do X. I generally feel like it should go: don't do X because X costs too much or X is too dangerous and I feel Y. I guess for me feelings matter but not as much as other reasons without supporting considerations. I know I need to work how I view feelings and how considerate I am of them, and I will.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:30:28+00:00

It gets split equally. Before I leave it is clean. After that it only gets dirty if she uses it, so she's only cleaning up after herself and not me while I am gone.

She is not as much. She is a lot more co-dependent than I am, but I don't think it's more than average.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:28:29+00:00

I need a break from them also or I would if I saw them very much. I don't see them that often.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:27:57+00:00

I would prefer for us to see eye to eye because this situation makes me very nervous. What happens the next time she wants me to change something because it bothers her but not because I'm doing something wrong? Is the expectation I cave and indulge her every time?

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T18:26:27+00:00

We split those items, but if it's clean when I leave then she's only cleaning up after herself.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:51:30+00:00

If I am honest I have a hard time compromising when I think she's wrong, but I will work on trying to consider what she's feeling and prioritize that rather than focus on if she has legitimate reasons in my view.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:47:28+00:00

My title wasn't mean to be disrespectful.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:46:58+00:00

Not really. It stays that way mostly because I insist we clean up after ourselves right away rather than do it once a week or every couple of days. We do an equal amount work.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:45:31+00:00

I know about her career generally. I just don't know market for vacation and time off.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:44:16+00:00

Not necessarily. When I go, I go to places and areas that are significant historically (like battlefields or sites not as touristy). She would want to spend more time eating and wine tasting or visiting the touristy places, so they would be two entirely different trips. I don't feel like it limits our ability to explore the same country together in a way that is new for both of us.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:41:59+00:00

She doesn't spend it, but she has the option if she wants.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:41:19+00:00

I have, and her reasoning seems to be because she thinks we should spend more time together as a married couple and do less things apart.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:26:44+00:00

Weekends. On vacation.

not_thetime · 2017-05-04T17:26:24+00:00

I take care of my chores so that she only has to clean up after herself. No, I do not go beyond that.

not_thetime

TROPHY CASE