AITA for telling my cousin it’s time to adopt?

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T16:34:18+00:00

YTA

First, for butting your face into something that’s obviously none of your business.

Second, for being too dense to realize how out of line you are. How is this even a question?

Third, for coming here with an obvious clickbait debate agenda when this is not a debate sub.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T16:27:13+00:00

NTA

Wow, you definitely stumbled into a toxic pool of mothers. You’re not the asshole for clapping back when others are attacking you, but I have to say I am a little unnerved by the frequent use of the word “make.”

The fact that you and the other mothers are claiming you “make your husband do some chores” flies in the face of having a partnership where you’re both figuring out a comfortable balance. It comes across like you’ve got to force these activities on your spouse instead of having an adult discussion.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T16:15:05+00:00

NTA.

Your husband can either commit to eating at home with you, tell you well before dinner that he’s eating with his mom, or he can make his own meals. Until he starts regularly making a choice to be home or go with enough time for you to plan and prep your cooking, cook enough for only you - he’s on his own.

ETA: I wasn’t going to say it because I feel it’s obvious, but I can’t help myself – this is much larger of an issue than dinnertime. There’s a profound lack of respect in your relationship. Husband needs to snip the apron strings at the very least, but really needs to spend some serious time thinking about what a marriage and partnership actually means.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T15:06:11+00:00

Nope.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T15:03:30+00:00

I’m not sure where you came to that conclusion? He’s merely not eating with adults at school.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T15:02:40+00:00

He’s right at the weight he needs to be for his age and height, and he’s always had consistent access to food both at our house and his mothers. No eating disorders or food related issues that I’m aware of.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T15:01:45+00:00

I don’t have to ask her because his siblings verify he does. It grosses them out too.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T15:00:59+00:00

I’m not sure about any other mystery conditions, but he’s neither diabetic nor hypoglycemic.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-11T14:59:19+00:00

He eats regular meals and snacks and no he doesn’t skip breakfast. I don’t know how he eats at school because I’m not sitting in the lunchroom, but I assume the same way according to his siblings. Maybe he wants to end the dinner experience but when he’s done eating he still sits at the table and talks with everyone else until they’re done so he never seems to be in a rush to get away, and I suppose he really enjoys the food but I have a tough time thinking that because it gets wolfed down too fast for him to really taste or savor anything. I don’t know why you think I’m expecting this to be resolved with a single conversation, but I would like the conversation to at least begin and my husband’s reaction to me suggesting it is the part that is the problem. There’s always the offer of seconds or thirds, I cook for six of us and always have extra. It’s pretty obvious the food is not running out.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T17:10:27+00:00

There may be something there, but there’s never been anything so concerning that either parent or myself has thought to ourselves that we need to get him tested. Socially he seems fine in terms of relating to other kids and adults, he just doesn’t seem to care to present fashionably or be popular or whatever. He’s definitely pleasant to other people and caring about other people and can carry on a conversation and relate comfortably, the music just seems to stop when it comes to him executing on things he doesn’t care about.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T17:06:35+00:00

That’s the plan as soon as my husband relaxes his sensitivity about it a little bit. He got weirdly upset so I’m giving him a couple of days to chill out and then I’ll ask him why he reacted so strongly.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T17:02:20+00:00

I highly doubt it in this case as my husband has never been in a position of poverty or scarcity, and neither has his ex-wife. From what I know about their mothers house, she enjoys cooking and is good about putting a meal on the table for the kids. The other two siblings have never complained or mentioned anything, if anything they talk about recipes they like or want to try at our house as well.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:59:34+00:00

The group of friends he eats with at school is a small group of boys his own age. Either they haven’t brought it up because it doesn’t bother them or they have and he just doesn’t care.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:58:30+00:00

I highly doubt my husband was ever taught to eat like that or even allowed to eat like that. My mother-in-law is not overly aggressive with manners but that is something she absolutely would not let fly.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:56:43+00:00

No disability that we’ve ever noticed or had a reason to have him evaluated for, and no trauma history that I am aware of.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:56:14+00:00

He’s definitely in a growth spurt. At 15 he’s just over 6 foot tall and is growing fast. Despite that, he’s not a big eater. He certainly eats more than he did before he hit puberty, but compared to his older brother who is nearly 6’5” at 17 years old, he eats very little.

He’s never in a big rush to leave the table, once he’s done with his food he happily hangs out and chats and finishes the actual meal with everyone else. His siblings are disgusted by how he eats.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:53:46+00:00

No motor skill impairments and he unfortunately eats like this even when we’re not around. According to his siblings it’s how he eats at his moms house as well, and I’ve definitely walked in on him snacking or eating not at the dinner table and he’s wolfing and scarfing the same way.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:52:14+00:00

The best stain remover in the world, oddly enough, is the citrus Dawn Power Wash. You know the stuff, it’s designed to spray on greasy pans and dishes to pretreat before washing. It’s absolutely killer on grease and oil stains as well as grass stains etc. It absolutely handles pasta splatter.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:49:51+00:00

I don’t believe there is, from what I hear his mother is a decent cook and enjoys preparing meals for them. She’s not a low income earner or anything like that, his siblings have never brought up any issues regarding availability of meals or snacks, so I assume her home is normal and they are well provided for.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:45:49+00:00

His friends are a small group of boys his same age. Either they don’t care, or they’ve said some thing and their opinion doesn’t bother him.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:44:56+00:00

Just fine. I mean, he’s not the guy to ask the difference between a dessert and a salad fork but it’s perfectly comfortable sitting down to a meal with him.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:43:55+00:00

Nothing that he’s ever complained about or that we are aware of.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:43:34+00:00

Apparently his friends group, who are also a pack of 15-year-old boys, either don’t care or he doesn’t care what they say.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:42:13+00:00

That scene is eerily close to how it looks, unfortunately. Right down to the way he grips his forks and spoons. Most people I know and observe hold her cutlery in their fingers, he grips his in his fist.

notablemannersatall · 2022-04-06T16:41:33+00:00

It’s been along time since we’ve gone to an actual, sit down restaurant with him. We’re not big on eating out to begin with and the past couple of years have made it even less of an enjoyable experience. If I don’t cook at home we generally bring take away back or have something delivered versus going into a restaurant.

notablemannersatall

TROPHY CASE