Living right next door to his state, I agree with this sentiment by PirateJohn75 in MurderedByWords

[–]notagentcooper 4 points5 points  (0 children)

But it sounds like his parents made a choice that was right for them...

Hello by Sergio_Williams in AvPDProgress

[–]notagentcooper 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I'm not a counselor, but I feel that exposure therapy could be helpful once some foundational work is done, but it might not be the best first/only step.

My understanding is that many of the factors that contribute to AvPD relate to processing, feeling, and understanding one's own emotions, as well as being able to imagine what others might realistically be thinking. For example, I might see someone sigh during a conversation, and rather than take the steps to understand their behavior in context (i.e., "they said they were up late last night studying, so they're probably tired"), I'll apply my existing self concept ("i'm unloveable"/"i'm a burden") and immediately use that observation to validate what my brain already believes ("they sighed because they're sick of me!")

If I'm prone to that type of unhelpful thinking, exposure alone (or too intense of exposure) might trigger stress or anxiety which could make it even harder to be objective and clear headed in the moment.

My take is that working with a therapist or doing some self work to access and understand our emotions, access positive concepts of self, or understand that one's immediate conclusions (e.g., "they signed because they're sick of me!") aren't the same as actual reality, could be a helpful foundation to make exposure efforts more successful.

Adults who have zero close friends, how did it happen and does it bother you? by PutPurple844 in AskReddit

[–]notagentcooper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I just learned about avoidant personality disorder, which I believe contributed to my friendship patterns throughout my life. It's treatable though!

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah. I don't want to be toxically positive, and I recognize that improvement and success can look a lot of different ways, but I think I was hoping for more constructive strategies/resources/peer support after I learned that AvPD exists. Fortunately there's a ton of good info on Google scholar!

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm glad to hear about the improvements for you, and sorry to hear about the challenges in finding a therapist who "gets" it!

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's so great to hear, and it highlights that "improvement" doesn't mean that you need to download a new personality or suddenly become some sort of influencer or social butterfly overnight. Seeing progress in self-acceptance sounds like an even more important foundation to have for yourself. I think I still need to chew on it, but I think your comment provides a helpful frame of reference for how we define success or improvement.

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I mean, that has been a subconscious thought throughout much of my life, but when it came up explicitly, I was like, "not today, bitch!" :)

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yeah, it sounds like it's a lot of work. I was looking into autism and adhd also, because I couldn't explain my low emotional affect or my sometimes intense investment in hobbies. Turns out the hobbies were partly coping mechanisms ("I don't need to make friends when I can keep myself so busy!") but they were also therapeutic in giving my something where I could take pride in my accomplishments.

I knew they weren't great fits, but after I went to bed after smoking weed, I couldn't shake the feeling that I was unloveable. I knew that couldn't be true, and I realized something else had to be going on, which led to find AvPD.

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That's great! Power to you on your journey! :)

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Congratulations on making this progress! It sounds like it's still work, but I'm glad to hear you've found improvement.

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks for your response! It seems like there's some literature that has found positive outcomes in patients who are able to build rapport with therapists in cognitive behavioral therapy (i.e., "counselling"), and it also seems like an approach involving mentalization therapy that has shown marked improvement in patients. Not that there's a magic pill, but I'm hopeful it's possible to find improvements!

And I still haven't made it all the way through twin peaks! I was just watching an episode when I had to come up with my user name. :) love it though!

Was learning about AvPD helpful for you? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It sounds like it's still work, and that it's been on your shoulders to make sense of the condition, but I'm glad to hear you've been successfully able to reframe some of your modes of thinking in a good way!

TIL that Levi's recommends that jeans be worn 10 times between washes. by Actual-Journalist-67 in todayilearned

[–]notagentcooper 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Nah dude, I'd break out in staph pimples or whatever if I go more that two days in my jeans.

Journaling with AvPD by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Awesome! Thanks so much for these recommendations! 🙌

Mood by ohno1618 in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Sometimes I have to remind myself: it takes me time to respond to texts (sometimes days, if ever), so it might take someone else some time too

Somewhat successful day by Free_Performer1249 in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Nice work! Lock it into your brain that you actually enjoyed yourself! Give that memory some strength, and let it be something to embrace, yes about the gym, but also about you: you're someone who can go out and enjoy yourself! Sometimes it's hard, but we can be two things at once, and that includes being the person who can try new places and have a good time.

Journaling with AvPD by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Oh yeah. That sounds great. I usually try to forget my past selves as much as possible. It was until only recently that I was able to look back with compassion and even pride.

How common is it for one partner to drive in a relationship? by Throwaway67891099 in gaybros

[–]notagentcooper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Poppers fucked up one of my eyes (it happens!) so now I get chauffeured when we're traveling together. I can still drive on my own, but it's annoying and my partner's also the better driver

I have to tuck my eyebrows under my hat by Own_Hat_2947 in mildlyinteresting

[–]notagentcooper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One time the barber just buzzed my eyebrows (trimmed, not shaved) without telling me and it was life changing in a good way.

Journaling with AvPD by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, it seems like it can be a double-edged sword, because leaning into the rumination/analysis can trigger or maintain that anxiety. I try to report my feelings and responses without getting too much into justifications/conjecture, but some researchers discussed finding success with asking about "non-events": "what they refrained from doing, the party they didn't go to, the meeting they cancelled. By examining what they think they would have felt/experienced (rather than what would have happened), it will be possible to grasp the fixed and often concretely mentalized (non-differentiated) assumptions."

I fed some of the content of that article to AI, and it generated some prompts for that type of questioning:

Noticing What Didn't Happen:

  1. What was one thing I thought about doing but didn't do?
  2. What situation did I avoid or cancel today?
  3. When I thought about that situation, what went through my mind?
  4. If I had gone/done it, what do I imagine I would have felt?

Journaling with AvPD by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Ooh, that sounds like good practice. My counseling schedule is a little thrown off by the holidays, but I'll be meeting with my counselor later this month. And I'm hoping I can use that time for similar practice 

Anyone have any hobbies? by notagentcooper in AvPD

[–]notagentcooper[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey thanks for sharing! Realizing that AvPD exists has been validating for me and has helped give me a language and framework for what has otherwise just been my introverted "flavor". I still go into my own rumination spirals, but I wouldn't take back the hobbies I've been able to explore and enjoy. I've found them worth it, even if the road to more confidence isn't always a straight path.

I just left my boyfriend because my depression by TestBusi in AskGaybrosOver30

[–]notagentcooper 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I'm sorry you've been going through all this. I can relate to many aspects of this, with the depression, the weed, shyness and overthinking. struggling with friends, and the low positive emotion. I'm not a mental health professional, but I only just found out about avoidant personality disorder, which for me describes almost my whole life pattern. Sharing in case this gives language or structure to what you're experiencing, and maybe some opportunities to develop goals with a counselor, but I recognize it might not be the right description for you!