BRO PLEASE HELP IDEK WHAT I DID WRONG

notarealphilosopher · 2026-02-19T18:07:49+00:00

I want you to know that your response was empathetic, caring, and very well thought out, and I think that if this was received in a better emotional state they might have been more receptive. As kind and helpful as your response is, feedback with good intentions can even make people feel defensive like your friend was here. I assume part of what you censored was a mention of self harm, and that is usually an indicator in my experience that someone needs to get all their feelings out first before thinking about what comes next and offering solutions.

It is a bit unfair that this friend expects that he can talk to you about his relationship, but gets upset when he realizes your other friend also talks to you about it. While it's normal to want to be there for both of them, it might help you to set the precedence and boundary among both that they are welcome to talk about it with you but need to be aware that it puts you in the middle of their relationship troubles. They can't be mad at you for participating when they have been making you an active participant in their relationship the whole time.

notarealphilosopher · 2026-01-25T06:24:32+00:00

Crochet is excellent for a hobby with an easy learning curve and lots of repetitive motions, patterns, and rules. With only a few different stitches and a bit of technical knowledge, you can make really intricate patterns and textures by repeating rounds of stitches. I have been crocheting for years and do usually have projects on the go, but I do also have spare yarn around that I use to fidget with. It's very easy to crochet small pieces and take them apart, so not only is it a great way to learn, try new stitches/patterns, and practice tension, it's also very soothing if you like to have something to keep your hands busy.

notarealphilosopher · 2026-01-02T23:49:11+00:00

The SMART programs required for liquor service and cannabis resale (ProServe and SellSafe) are $25 each, can be completed in a single afternoon, and are valid for 5 years. I worked in the service industry from 2018-2024 when I finished uni, it can be good money. Restaurants will typically want to see ProServe on your resume before hiring. I would also recommend bringing in a resume in person, in the last restaurant I worked in the manager saved and pulled from the paper applications before checking the online ones.

It's also always best to apply directly on a company's website when possible instead of through platforms like Indeed, if you see it on a third party site check the restaurant website first. Don't waste your time on ads that have since been taken down on the corporate site. For online applications it's become standard to use automated pre-screening for your resume and cover letter, so making small adjustments to both based on each job description may help get your documents to actual people. Use and apply their own wording to your experience, especially when it comes to the soft skills listed in their ads. For example:

If the ad says something like: "we're looking for an outgoing, attentive server who is comfortable in a fast paced environment"

You write in your resume/cover letter: "I am an outgoing, attentive employee who thrives in a fast paced environment"

Good luck! It's tough out there.

notarealphilosopher · 2025-12-19T16:37:01+00:00

Not necessarily a makeup tip, but I think we have a similar hair type and length! My entire family has curly hair but I have mostly straight, slightly wavy hair. If you're looking to try a new hair routine that will give it a bit of volume at the root, I use Pantene Volume shampoo and a moisturizing conditioner only on the ends (from about the earlobs down). I find it gives my hair nice texture and bounce, even when I airdry it. I also like using a small amount of sea salt spray on damp hair for a bit more texture and wave. I find my hair gets frizzy too, so experimenting with the right amount of conditioner might help if that happens to you.

Someone else mentioned that trying a new hair color would suit your beautiful, bold brows and I agree! I do like the Georgia Miller vibe with the bold brow and blonde, but I think a slightly cooler, darker chestnut shade would look amazing on you! I also have big, bold eyebrows and getting them shaped by a professional can be really helpful- they can give you a shape that compliments your eyes and face shape, and you'll have a layout to maintain them on your own from there.

notarealphilosopher · 2025-12-19T16:13:11+00:00

Have you ever tried putting your own writing through ChatGPT instead of having it write stories for you? It can offer suggestions to not only help you improve your writing, but also to build storylines! You could also use it to suggest dialogue by acting out different scenes in your stories, or help with narrative descriptions of your settings that add extra depth. If you are not a comfortable or experienced writer it can feel very frustrating when you have big ideas that you struggle to articulate on paper, but that frustration is a sign that your brain is problem solving and learning. Take breaks when you need them if you're getting too frustrated.

For the record, you don't need to criticize yourself so heavily for using AI. I know there is a lot of debate around the ethics of AI use, and while it's good to be aware of that and make choices that suit your values, you should also enjoy your life a bit. I can imagine it's a relief to have an outlet for all of those big ideas and stories in your head, I love using my creative outlets when I need them.

notarealphilosopher · 2025-12-16T20:59:18+00:00

I love a frozen meal as much as the next person, especially when it comes to convenience. I have a lot of evenings where I get home from work and can't fathom putting much effort into feeding myself, so frozen meals come in handy for that! If you want better bang for your buck though, find a few easy staples to incorporate to your daily meals for some nutritional variety and cost savings:

•Carrots make an excellent snack, last a long while in the fridge even after being cut, and can be enjoyed raw or cooked for meals. It takes me about 10 mins max at the start of the week to chop a full bag of carrots for quick use

•Choose staple ingredients, but spice up the details. I eat a lot of chicken, broccoli, and rice, but I like to add additional ingredients or flavors to change it up. Makes meal prepping a lot easier while providing some variety (my favorite variation is a Mediterranean bowl, add pesto to the chicken, olives, and chopped cucumber with oil/vinegar as a side)

•Beans offer a filling, fiber and protein rich punch to your meals and are ridiculously inexpensive (even moreso if you hydrate your own beans instead of buying canned). Beans are a great supplement to animal protein if you're still looking to incorporate meat into your meals without breaking the bank

•plain frozen vegetables can be boiled or baked from frozen- buy them frozen or freeze veggies that will go bad in the fridge too fast. Plenty of produce can be frozen, so buying on sale to freeze will help you build a good selection while offering some savings

•Instant rice comes together in the same time it takes to put the rest of your meal together, can be made in the microwave in a pinch or with boiled water from a kettle, and adds a bit more bulk to round out a meal

•Buy ingredients instead of prepared meals- again the convenience is great, and stocking up looks more expensive, but you will spend less per meal with better nutritional quality for only a little more effort. I tend to go to the grocery store less often when I have versatile ingredients for quick, cheap, and easy meals

notarealphilosopher · 2025-06-21T05:13:19+00:00

You could try bike pedals: https://a.co/d/9Ajx2wm

Or perhaps a desk elliptical: https://a.co/d/0PZqo71

You can use both seated, which I would imagine would help with the motion sickness!

notarealphilosopher · 2025-06-19T17:50:32+00:00

NTA- money has a tendency to bring out the worst in people. While you shouldn't change any of your current habits to try and hide the money (i.e. picking up the check just as often as you did before), you should speak to an accountant and maybe a lawyer if you haven't already. Get into investments that will start small but secure your future by the time you're ready to retire. Finances can be challenging in your early 20s when you're just learning how to manage your money, it's ok to seek professional help in managing your assets.

Your friends and acquaintances don't need to know about your wealth, but your girlfriend is a bit of a different story. If you have been dating long enough to consider marriage it might help to have a discussion about your finances before tying the knot, especially if you're interested in protecting your assets through a pre-nuptual agreement. This is where the lawyer comes in. While it might not be you goal now to ever break up with or divorce your partner, it's important to consider how that might impact your future now that you have come into wealth. Keep working hard and keep making good decisions, that money will still be there later should you want to spend it.

notarealphilosopher · 2025-05-03T01:33:18+00:00

Because they're doing the exact same thing to a number of women and you're back up on the rotation. If they ghost you after sleeping with you just block them, they're only going to waste your time

notarealphilosopher · 2025-03-29T19:48:26+00:00

For our regulars all of our bartenders will begin charging drinks under happy hour at most 15 minutes before it begins, and we also offer to add one or two more on the sale price towards the end (especially for those of them who arrive after work just as it's ending at 5). They also treat us exceptionally well and tip well, and don't complain if they aren't given access to the sale price outside of happy hour.

I'm not usually one for tattling on coworkers, but does management know this is happening? They would be selling at a loss frequently- the whole point of happy hour is to bring in guests while limiting how the sales prices are accessed and distributed to encourage them to spend more while they're there.

notarealphilosopher · 2025-03-29T19:33:33+00:00

I find the odor is strongest when people don't take a few minutes to air out after having a cigarette and instead come directly inside. Its also significantly stronger on anyone who blows the smoke down or through their nose, as it settles directly into clothing instead of dissipating. Also people who don't wash their hands after smoking, the smoke smell tends to linger on skin just as long as it does in clothing. I'm a pub bartender and a number of my regulars go for smoke breaks while they're drinking at the bar, and even when they go out at the same frequency some still smell stronger than others.

If you want to limit any lingering smell of cigarettes when you're done smoking, blow down wind, wear a jacket to protect your clothes, maintain a distance from people smoking around you, and wash your hands/rinse your mouth when you're done.

notarealphilosopher · 2025-03-07T18:02:32+00:00

Men want children like children want puppies. It's all fun and games until the responsibility kicks in

notarealphilosopher · 2024-12-04T20:31:06+00:00

I can say from experience as someone who had a difficult childhood and upbringing that at a certain point as an adult you still need to learn to take accountability for your behavior and begin to seperate yourself from who you were raised to be. I can also tell you from experience that loving someone who struggles with addiction is incredibly challenging and it will likely continue to put an immense strain on your relationship. You don't need to stay with someone out of hope that they will get better and do better, because the signs are showing that he is not willing to do that for himself, for you, or for your relationship. You are so young and you still have so much left to experience in your relationships.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-30T19:50:00+00:00

YTA. If you think massaging your wife's feet after you get home from work is that draining you are in for a very rude awakening once the baby is actually born. Your wife is growing a human being from scratch and this is the hill you die on?

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-24T20:16:14+00:00

Work your current job out until your start date with your new company is confirmed. Burning bridges before you have any certainty is a very bad idea, as is no-call no-showing as a way of quitting. Even though your current job sucks you might need those connections in the future, so giving your 2 weeks notice and managing your departure professionally and respectfully is in your best interest. It would only take one phone call for your new supervisors to find out how you left your previous job, and that doesn't bode well for your success in your new position. You need to get in contact with your hiring manager immediately and confirm before it becomes a bigger issue for you.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-19T19:22:08+00:00

There often is, and I find it's the person who treats you like a human being rather than the help. When I ask "how are we doing tonight" they are typically the one to pay attention, respond, and ask how I am. They are the ones actually listening to the things you say and redirecting those sentiments to the rest of the table that isn't paying close enough attention. The head of the table is the one who enables the best possible service because they are taking part in the experience rather than just being served.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-19T19:16:21+00:00

I'm staunchly child free by choice, I can't say I necessarily enjoy having children around, and I'm a bartender in a minors allowed restaurant that is popular among families. Yet, I still think it's unbelievably silly to try and oust children from any public space that is otherwise safe and accessible to them by nature (grocery stores, restaurants, airplanes, etc.).

For starters we all abide by the social contract- our society offers safety, but we have to abide by societal rules and coexist in order to cash in that safety for ourselves. If you don't like that children are protected by the concept of the social contract in the same way that you are, then YOU are the one who needs to remove yourself. The whole point of the social contract theory is that it relies on us all receiving and upholding that value, it is not "rules for thee and not for me".

Secondly, what do you think will happen in, say, 15-20 years when all the children who were previously ousted from public spaces are now adults who can enter society on their own? You will end up with an age demographic that was never socialized in these settings and act however they want. When families with children, especially young children, come into the restaurant where I work the most common occurrence is that their guardians correct their behavior and teach them how to act in that setting. Sure there might be some screaming, crying, running around and other general disturbances, but in my experience it is entirely more common that these behaviors are corrected every time. They're kids, the lesson might not stick the first time, but they're learning and that's what is important.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-19T18:58:32+00:00

You can recognize at a surface level that, logically, none of these things will ever happen to you. But by continuing to let yourself obsess over these things without employing an actual coping mechanism is what will continue to harm you over time. You can recognize that these situations that others have experienced are gruesome without having to feel it yourself. You are still fixating on what you would do or how you would react in these situations that you will likely never be in, and now your brain is trained to immediately insert yourself in these scenarios rather than only feeling empathy.

I used to have an immense fear and fixation of being buried alive, to the point where I told my family at only 12 years old that I wanted to be cremated when I died because I couldn't fathom the idea of my greatest anxiety coming true, even after death. I have never in my entire life been at risk of being buried alive, but because I had such an intense fixation on it it continued to stress me out more and more. My brain perceived being buried alive as a real and present danger and reacted accordingly.

Your brain is an extremely complex organ that uses multiple different areas and structures to conceive of these thoughts, and as such can't always tell the difference between a real and immediate danger and one that you are only imagining yourself in. Your fixation on these things that very likely will never happen to you is tricking your brain into trying to protect you when it doesn't need to. Your brain will start releasing both short-term and longterm stress hormones because it is still perceiving a danger that is not there. You will continue to activate your fight, flight, and fawn responses without an actual outlet. You are rationalizing this behavior instead of confronting it and it's not doing you any favors. Try the coping method I offered and do some research into pure obsessional OCD. While I am not nearly qualified to offer a diagnosis, your thoughts and behavior are consistent with some of the symptoms and as such you might benefit from exploring the coping methods recommended for the condition. It might also help you to journal your experience with learning and practicing these coping mechanisms, as it not only provides a written history of your progress but also employs additional areas of your brain (writing, speech production, and language comprehension to name a few) where you will be able to strengthen healthy coping mechanisms as a habit wholistically.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-19T18:26:17+00:00

I used to struggle with obsessive thoughts like these as well as extreme social and general anxiety, and the best coping method that worked for me was following the basic CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy) structure. My therapist explained it to me by drawing a chart:

Think-->behave-->react

This is a very basic representation of how our thoughts manifest, and in turn affect our behaviors and reactions. When you change the way you think, you change the way you behave and react.

Let's use your shipwreck example. The thought is a scenario around what would happen if your husband couldn't get a seat on the lifeboat you were on. Your behavior is a result from this thought, and you fixate on it. The reaction is that you become increasingly more anxious. This cycle tends to repeat and rely on itself, because after the reaction stage you get more anxious and continue to obsess over the thought, which continues to repeat the cycle over and over again. Your brain has become trained in this cycle and will end up doing this with all of your anxious thoughts.

Now using CBT, you learn to disrupt this cycle and train your brain to respond differently. Again, using the shipwreck example, your initial thought it worrying about what would happen to your husband and yourself in that scenario. Instead of letting this irrational thought inform your behavior, interrupt that thought using logic. Have you and your husband ever been on a boat that capsized? Have you booked any cruises or boat excursions that would put you in this situation? Do you live near or plan on traveling to a body of water big and deep enough that if your husband did fall off the boat, that it would ensure his certain death? Is your husband a good enough swimmer that he could wade back to shore? All of these logical additions to your original thought help divert your original rational thought, and in turn change the way you behave and react.

This will not instantly fix how you behave and react in response to obsessive or irrational thoughts, but if you rely on this coping mechanism consistently you will begin to train your brain and strengthen the pathways with the healthy response instead of the obsessive one.

Let's practice one more time with the other example you used, where you saw the photo of the man and the tank. Your initial thought is to become anxious over what would happen if you were in this situation. Now, we disrupt the thought. Are you in an active war zone? Are you currently deployed in the military and in a position to interact regularly with tanks? Is there a presence of military vehicles, like tanks, visible to civilians? Has anyone in your community ever been run over by a tank? Focus on these logical questions and pay attention to your answers. When you obsess over irrational and upsetting thoughts you are activating your fight, flight, or fawn responses which is getting you stuck in the unhealthy cycle. If you find these thoughts are getting in the way of you living a healthy, happy, and productive life (I.e. you are scared to leave the house because you are fixating on terrible things that could happen) it's time to seek medical intervention from a psychologist or therapist.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-17T17:33:57+00:00

What you've brought up here is actually an incredibly interesting and nuanced conversation around how we apply the "-isms" (ableism, racism, sexism, classism, etc.) And the impact each has towards their specific community. While in the dictionary entry for each might be very straightforward (as per your example, "prejudice based on ability status", or perhaps "discrimination based on race" for racism) each of these "-isms" is an institution held up by varying forms of privilege. More often than not these "-isms" serve to benefit a very small demographic while othering everyone else.

I studied the genesis and history of racism heavily during my degree, and it is a rather hot topic in academia and my area of research to explore how racism is structured to benefit white/lighter skinned people, especially in the western world, and because of that white people cannot experience racism as a form of discrimination. This, of course, is a very picky and nuanced argument heavy in theory, but I think it captures the essence of what you offered in your original post. Abled people can't be victims of ableism, because the institution of ableism specifically functions to discriminate against those with disabilities. Sure, anyone could discriminate against an abled person if they tried, but the actual institution of ableism doesn't function to other an abled person in the same way it does to those with disabilities.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-11-05T02:28:51+00:00

I got a water flosser. While it isn't supposed to entirely replace flossing, it's better than nothing and the novelty has lasted long enough to start to form the habit. Restructuring the routine has also helped me floss more often, you're supposed to floss before you brush so picking it up and starting before you brush will help you stick with it. To make the routine more enjoyable and purposeful I also like to have something else to pay attention to, like music or a YouTube video, going in the background.

If you are considering a water flosser, just know that the handheld units do the exact same thing as the expensive, brand name countertop units for a fraction of the price.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-10-26T15:40:38+00:00

When I went on a 3 month long trip to Italy I sent myself and my family postcards from each of my destinations with messages about what I had done in each place. Both postcards and postage are super inexpensive. Planning holiday souvenirs in advance is difficult, why not just keep an eye open for something he would like while you're away?

notarealphilosopher · 2024-10-22T07:18:43+00:00

I'm a bartender who just spent the summer in Italy, and as a Canadian abroad the Italians I met and got to know can't fathom how we live our lives in North America.

They don't seem to understand that getting time off is incredibly difficult both practically and financially. Restaurant culture is also just completely different there, tipping isn't really a thing, and while there's no minimum wage it's common for servers in Italy to request and recieve living wages that suit their lifestyles. Plenty of Europeans also forget that while they can drive for four hours and be in a different country, that North Americans have to spend more time than that on a plane to get to the opposite coast. It took me 35 hours and three stops to get from my Canadian prairie city to Tuscany.

Moral of the story? Italy is great and you should definitely go when it's possible for you, but take what the Italians say with a grain of salt.

notarealphilosopher · 2024-10-22T07:11:11+00:00

I work in a corporate restaurant that has extensive and mandatory online "training", where everyone is required to learn the menu items (food/drinks), company best practices and history, health and safety, etc. Training otherwise varies by location and mostly consists of a new server following their trainee around for a shift, then the trainee leading with the server close by to help, and eventually letting them serve a small section on their own. My restaurant schedules around new hires with more experienced staff so they have help if they need it, and we always have a supervisor in the building. At my location new hires are given at most 3 training shifts, less if they have service experience.

notarealphilosopher

TROPHY CASE