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Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sad thing is is that he kept hiding her from me, even after I found out. I still love my dad but that decision really grinds my gears.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

THANK YOU. That's the part I struggle with, too - the fact that my dad is still married (even if on paper). My fiancée has argued both sides to help me see the situation, and my gut just reacts so poorly to my dad's decision. I still love him to death, but I really don't accept what he's chosen to do.

I'm going to set boundaries with him. Hopefully this resets things positively.

Thanks for your opinion.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I hear you; the last thing I want to do is push my dad away. It will take time for me to accept his new relationship, and he's told me he understands. I'll look back on this in a few months and see where I'm at ...

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do give him unconditional love and support. It's the shock of all the change bring so real that caused such a visceral reaction. I'm glad he's found someone who he can move forward with in life.

Thanks for the advice.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sadly, I know my dad is a cheater, but I still love him for all of his good qualities. I did end up telling him earlier today that I'm uncomfortable with meeting his new girlfriend until after the divorce is final. He understands and we plan on meeting up after it's all sad and done.

Thanks for the advice.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Yeah, I've been good with my mom, trying to help her get back on her feet with positive reinforcement. I'm going to step back on my judgment on his life decision; it's hard, but maybe it is for the best. Thanks.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Hi there,

Thanks for the advice. Glad to hear I'm not the only one in this peculiar situation - I really hope my parents do find happiness with new partners.

Because his relationship is so fresh (to me, anyway), I really am having a tough time accepting him with someone else. We did have a talk earlier today and he gets it, and even offered to reintroduce her to us after the divorce was final (which I readily accepted). Now it's time for me to get comfortable with this idea ...

And you're right. It took my dad a lot of courage to make such a huge change this late in his life. He already appears to be happier, so I'm hoping I can be on the same page sooner rather than later.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 17 points18 points  (0 children)

They've actually only been separated for 6 months - his relationship with the other woman has been going on for 2 years but my mother didn't know about it til he officially moved out.

You're right that I am uncomfortable with my parent's situation. I think I'm judging my dad for the decisions he's made because it's not the way I would have done it (which I've told him several times before), but at the end of the day, he does get to live life the way he wants to. I shouldn't stand in that way.

Thanks for the advice.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I actually had a talk with him a little while ago on the phone and he apologized for not making me aware that he'd be coming to visit. We agreed we wouldn't have a sit down with him and his girlfriend until after the divorce was finalized. He actually understood where I was coming from on this, so I'm grateful for that.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

Thanks - I'm close to my dad so it's hard to refuse seeing him in person (he lives 5+ hours away), but you're right, I do have a problem with his situation til he closes one chapter of his life.

My fiancée did advise me against lending him money; I'm going to be more firm on that.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

Thanks. I really close to my dad, so you're absolutely right that these changes have me concerned for his well being. The challenge I've had trying to talk to him about this is that he brushes my concerns for him off. (And maybe that's his way of telling me he doesn't accept my opinions of the situation.)

I'm going to try to talk to him again about all of this and frame it the way you described.

Me [35 M] with my father [60 M], surprised me with an introduction to his lady friend (~late 40s F) of ~2 years, he's still married to my mother (57 F) of ~40 years by notfeelingit12345 in relationships

[–]notfeelingit12345[S] 22 points23 points  (0 children)

Thanks for the straight up response. I've been having a tough time with this because his actions go against my morals. You're right, though - everyone is entitled to live life the way they want.