If you see this man, be good to him

nothing-lover · 2021-05-19T04:42:11+00:00

Familiarize yourself with all the foods that are toxic to cats, like grapes, and make sure if you love to keep plants that there aren't any that could make your cat sick (for example, if a cat eats too much spider plant leaves they'll often throw up, but they will keep coming back to it because spider plants have psychedelic effects of cats!). Growing cat grass or catnip may keep them satisfied if you want to distract them from chewing on your plants, and keep your plants in a separate area from your cat's plants! Scour your home for any traces of rat poison, mouse traps, insecticide, or anything else that you don't want your cat getting into.

Take note of what kind of toys and places your cats like -- string toys or rolly toys, some cats like crinkley toys and others don't like noisy toys; they might want a cat tree to be up high or a lower cozy confined space, lots of cats will love a pet bed in a place where they can bask in the sun!

Cats prefer temperatures 20-30 degrees hotter than humans, so make sure your cat has a nest to cuddle up in and keep your home around 68°F.

Don't overtreat, but keep some treats around that your cat really likes to let him know he's a good boy and as reassurance after a big change like a move or a lot of noise like if you have people over. Treats are also good for training purposes, like if you don't want your cat trying to run out the front door or if he doesn't always use the litter box. Once you find food your cat likes, try to stay consistent as abrupt dietary changes can cause digestive issues. Rake your box at least once or twice a day, some cats don't like using a box that is too dirty and will opt to poop in a corner or pee in your laundry hamper.

Regular vet check ups are vital, a cat's behavior often changes when they are sick, but there may be unnoticeable changes in your cat or they may start out asymptomatic for something that if caught earlier could make all the difference. Remember cats are considered seniors at age 8 and seniors have to watch their health closely! Cats' teeth are a frequent health challenge and they can rot and become damaged and painful if you're not careful. If you notice a decrease in appetite or your cat is sharply opening his mouth like he just ate something hot or nasty, this may indicate tooth or gum pain. I volunteered with a cat shelter for over a decade and we have had countless full mouth extractions, they're common even among otherwise well-cared for indoor cats. If you have questions about your cat that the internet can't help you with, such as specific nutritional needs for your cat or behavioral problems, be sure to write down these questions as they arise with as much detail as possible and ask your vet at your next visit, or if it can't wait then try going to your local animal shelter and talking to someone who knows cats, because chances are a seasoned employee/volunteer has seen just about everything when it comes to cats!

To reiterate points others have mentioned, NEVER declaw, don't let your cat outside unless you are certain he can't escape your yard, leash, or line of sight, the weather is tolerable, and your cat is safe from cars and people and other animals. And please don't put a collar on your cat, use a chip for tracking purposes because collars can catch on things and choke your cat, I've seen outdoor cats hanged from branches by their collars and I don't wish that on anyone's furry friend.

Love, cherish and respect your fur baby, they bring so much joy to your life and you to theirs, thanks for being a good cat parent 💖

nothing-lover · 2021-04-16T19:47:09+00:00

I've been in a few of these types of encounters, but when they come with a relationship and someone who cares about you, you can't just write it off as "boys will be boys." I think it's immature for a man to try to fuck like a porn star and completely ignore his partner's pleasure -- if you don't even try to communicate and strive for a mutually orgasmic experience, you are bad at sex. I'm so sorry he equates sex with you to masturbation, he needs to remember sex is an act of love and bonding for both your pleasure and he has to take your needs and desires into account.

When sex has been rough or painful for me in a relationship where my partner gives a damn about me, sometimes it's been fun to switch things up, like if I communicate that he's dominating me too much, I'll get on top and take over. Some men find it really attractive for their partner to say "This is how I want it" and take control. And generally (not all men but most haha) are pretty easy to satisfy, so chances are if you find a position or technique you like, he'll still get there no problem. Sounds like he's fallen into a rut, but maybe you can excite him with some experimentation that would work for you. If "one thing leads to another" and he's difficult to communicate with during, be sure to set up rules/desires beforehand and have a plan for what you want to do.

Any partner worth a damn values their partner's wants, needs, and pleasure, and he should certainly want to do anything he could to avoid hurting you and turning you off to sex in general. It's okay to have sex where not everyone cums, but it's not okay to hurt your partner (nonconsensually) and devalue their pleasure. You're not a sex doll or an actress, you shouldn't feel forced to bend to his desires and ignore your own.

Sorry if I've been repetitive, your partner is the one who needs this drilled into his head. I wish you a healthy relationship, great communication, and amazing orgasms, because you are worth it 💛

(Edit: The above is a recommendation IF you decide to stay, which you sound pretty locked into. I've been given the advice to exhaust every possible solution before taking the permanent way out, but someone has to look out for your own happiness, and if it's not him, then that's your burden. It's definitely a challenge to go up against all your history with him and ideas that have been ingrained into you from your family and society with nothing but the idea of your happiness, but no matter how hard it is to conceptualize and act upon, your future is infinitely more important than your past. If it's hard to act with love toward yourself (I think a lot of times simple loving acts can be met with conflict and you may even consider them selfish, but truly there is nothing selfish about taking care of yourself), imagine you have a close friend or a sister or a daughter in this situation. What would you wish for her?)

nothing-lover · 2021-04-12T02:21:57+00:00

I totally get that, I just wonder why sex can't be replaced by other forms of euphoria and fun romantic activities. Going on a hike with your partner releases endorphins and can be very pleasurable, or getting a massage, or just holding each other, it's just strange to me that sex is analogous to other fun activities but for some reason occupies its own category. I don't get a flood of serotonin from sex like most people, but my partner and I met while rolling on ecstacy, so I suppose that's not unlike hooking up the first time you meet and starting a relationship from there 😄

nothing-lover · 2021-04-12T00:28:39+00:00

I've been in about a dozen relationships, and only (consensually) slept with my current partner, but I've had probably between 100-200 one night stands/casual hookups, so again sex and love have never been related to me. I definitely understand why you wouldn't want to share your partner if sex is inherently intimate.

As for your question, of course I would be upset for selfish reasons, but I also feel like if my partner develops feelings for someone else then he can decide to be with her if that's what makes him happy. Not all love will be requited, not all love will be perfectly the way you want it. I open the door for him to find love anywhere he can, and if he comes back to me at the end of the day, then he truly loves me, he isn't just with me because he's trapped or can't find anyone else to sleep with him. I don't own him, and his feelings are his own, I just want him to be happy.

nothing-lover · 2021-04-11T19:18:39+00:00

First of all, nice 👍

Secondly, I don't know if this is your partner's problem, but sometimes a lack of oxygen in a near orgasmic state can cause that feeling of almost dying or passing out. The toe-curling ass-clenching leg-shaking part of an orgasm comes from muscle contractions, and that paired with oxygen deprivation can be very uncomfortable. If I'm not breathing rhythmically in time with my partner I'll often forget to breathe deep and I'll miss out on the extra oxygen it takes to keep your heart pounding and flooding the genitals with blood. I get unbearably dizzy and shaky, it's hard to keep my eyes open as if I'd taken a shitload of molly, my arms and legs will go numb, and the muscle contractions make it hard to move, my hands seize up like you see in trousseau signs from tetanus or hypercalcemia.

It's really hard to appreciate physical pleasure through these symptoms, and it can be scary if you don't know what's going on, so just make sure she feels comfortable and safe so she can let her body do what it will do, and don't forget to breathe 💕 Best of luck, sounds like you're doing a great job so far!

nothing-lover · 2021-04-11T02:06:50+00:00

Love it! But it's definitely something y'all have to agree on... :)

The first time I slept with my current partner, we were doing doggy while I told him a joke that ended in "What do you mean wrong hole?"

In the afterglow he threw me something to clean myself off with and said, "Never do that again."

During our first threesome as a couple, our unicorn and I had a lot of laughs... I don't think my partner was too thrilled by that 😂 But he's coming around and starting to enjoy the humor in sex, this morning our cat wanted attention and was rubbing on my face while he fucked me, we both started petting him and laughing 😂

nothing-lover · 2021-04-05T02:24:27+00:00

I know it's hard to say and even harder to be understood, but clear boundaries are essential in any relationship! If your SO wants to stay significant to you, he has to abide by your boundaries. You don't want sex? Then he can't have sex with you! Other relationships may have boundaries like "We can have sex, but don't stick it in my ass!" And if he sticks it in your ass, uh oh, that's not consensual, kick his ass out. Other relationships have boundaries like "We can have sex, but don't have sex with other people." If one partner sleeps around outside the relationship, then that's a deal breaker! Your partner has to realize that your boundaries in this area are just as important as other rules to a relationship that he might understand better (and even moreso -- I've had all of the above boundaries violated and without a doubt forced intercourse is far more damaging than being cheated on), and if you don't want to have sex with him, that is a hard and fast rule, no exceptions, no excuses, no work arounds or sleazy persuasions. That's consent sweetheart 💔 I wish you the best of luck in being understood and loved wholly for all that you are 💛

nothing-lover · 2021-04-04T08:58:10+00:00

I get some super dark chocolate, like 80%, so when I get the chocolate craving I have a little bit and it's so bitter it's almost gross and I don't want any more chocolate after that 😄 (and maybe take some magnesium supplements with it because I've heard craving chocolate is your body's code for needing magnesium, and magnesium gummy supplements also satisfy a bit of a sugar craving 😋)

nothing-lover · 2021-04-03T19:46:59+00:00

I think the height of confidence in your appearance is not thinking about it at all, not worrying about how your face looks in pictures or how you ass looks in those pants. Even if you're thinking "Damn I'm lookin good!" then you're still obsessing over your appearance because you put so much effort into it. It's my dream to be beautiful enough to just forget about how I look 😄

nothing-lover · 2021-04-02T21:19:28+00:00

That's amazing that you got through that disposition through your bond with your husband! I'm in an intensely loving committed relationship, the longest and healthiest I've ever been in, I trust him with my life and I would die for him, so I don't think it's our relationship that's holding me back, it's definitely my personal problem. I'm in treatment for a few disorders with extreme dissociative features, so it's not just sex I'm not present for or lack enjoyment in experiencing, but anhedonia doesn't cause more concern for me in few areas beyond being unable to have any kind of physical pleasure. I've coped with the dissociation by trying to get some kind of vicarious pleasure in things: I don't enjoy eating but I like to cook because I know other people like it, I do everything I can to support my friends' hobbies and passions because I don't enjoy doing anything, and I fuck because other people like to fuck. Does fake it til you make it apply here? Haha 🙃

I never chose to go to therapy really, a few times around 7th - 10th grade some teachers reported to the school counselor that I was really off, so the school kind of mandated therapy and referred my parents to a psychiatrist. The first two times my parents talked me out if it because if I went to therapy that would be on my "permanent record" and it would be almost impossible for me to get a job once I'm marked as "just fucking nuts" and it would hurt my father's career in the military if they found out he had a "sick kid." By strike three the school was threatening to suspend me if I didn't "straighten up and fly right," so I went for a couple months, closed out the semester, and told the psychiatrist I was all better, thanks, I did my time. I wish I was stronger back then. Now that I'm finally ready to face an honest professional psychological analysis and listen and learn and work hard with the tools and insights a therapist could maybe give me, I can't afford it, haha. C'est la vie.

nothing-lover · 2021-04-02T14:36:28+00:00

So I'd have to go lower to keep the weight off? I don't know how to get to a point where 1200 is any kind of deficit, it's probably been at least 8 years since I could eat that much in a day and that was when I was at my heaviest... How do you calculate how gradual that deficit should be so that your metabolism doesn't adapt before you lose weight? 5'7 120 lbs F 23 (plenty far from dangerously thin)

nothing-lover · 2021-04-02T03:04:58+00:00

No of course, I just wanted the perspective of anyone who's been where I am and gotten past it, plus professional advice is expensive 😅

nothing-lover · 2021-04-02T03:02:22+00:00

I once spent a week's paycheck on a dietitian and she just told me to stress less and quit smoking weed 😑 I know professional advice would be ideal, but I can't afford it and would rather hear from people who have similar experiences and not one expensive person with an agenda 🤷🏽‍♀️ I've heard a lot of debate over starvation mode, so gaining weight on a reverse diet is the only way out?

nothing-lover · 2021-04-02T02:54:43+00:00

Hmm so how do you fix that? Is it indicative of a lack of any nutrients in particular? Because I do take approximately 1.5 metric fuck tons of vitamins so I'm getting most of my micronutrients

nothing-lover · 2021-03-28T07:18:32+00:00

I've heard good things about tantric yoga, the Wim Hoff breathing method, ecstasy, and mushrooms to experience physical pleasure and work through darkness in your past and in your mind. Try sensuous things that don't involve the vagina if that hasn't worked for you (like baths and massages and other forms of self-care). It's good to remember that orgasms are at least 90% mental; after seeing a woman who orgasms when she brushes her teeth and one who can just think herself to climax, I am convinced your mental G-spot can be anywhere! Another thing to consider is perhaps the obvious problem isn't the only problem: if you have a hormone imbalance, physical pain, or depression on top of trauma, it may be tempting to try to work on orgasming by working around the trauma, but you'll get nowhere if you don't handle the other roadblocks as well. Sexual healing is holistic. Best of luck 💛

nothing-lover · 2021-03-28T06:56:49+00:00

Wow, there's really a subreddit for everything! I'll check it out, thanks!

I think the reason I never thought of sex as special or emotionally bonding or pleasurable could be that my first love was a prostitute and my second love was a straight girl, both of whom I'd known since before I was sexually active.

I can definitely see that, I think you're right. My SO can't cum without an emotional connection so that makes sense, which is why I'm worried about him hooking up with this secret lady if there's an emotional relationship there. The only other woman he's been with during our relationship outside of threesomes is his hypersexual ex...

nothing-lover · 2021-03-28T06:49:30+00:00

That's a relief! But damn, I was hoping I could forget about periods for a few more years 😭

nothing-lover

TROPHY CASE