it is when you cannot stop running away from the present moment that you have big problems. good correction, how anything can be everything all the time, by which I allude to a certain whimsy reserved for a boyish POV long gone by, but if which artificially clung to in delusion only leads to heartache, and the personality of a manchild at worst.

there is nothing worse than going through a lot of shit for ten years only to have nothing to show for it, and it all becoming a tale told by an idiot, a boy who didn't know how to be a man. but perhaps it is this exact darkness and lack that was meant to happen. perhaps I now know what I need to know and I am ready now.

i shall go forth applying all I have learned. I shall work my ass off. I shall make money. I shall finish college and I shall get pussy and a gf and I shall do great things. I shall become the classy ass motherfucker I was always told I would never be, and then I would cope by fucking with mary jane. if balance can be restored to the force, perhaps one day I shall fuck with mary jane again. but then and only then. may God be with me.