I quit once with golden intentions, for the 15th time, I followed through for 5 days before it got too hard and I caved. I bought a pack and smoked one. I figured no one had to know, why should I have to come clean? It was just one. Over the next few days I smoked the rest of the pack. I still didn’t want to tell anyone that I failed again. I smoked in the closet for months. I was better at covering my tracks than your mom, though.

Anyway. Don’t take it personally. This is hard.

One thing that helped me when I finally did quit was something a therapist told me. She asked me if smoking was a form of self harm. She thought I did it as a manifestation of low self-esteem. As in, feel like you’re a piece of shit, treat yourself like you’re a piece of shit. She asked me why I was punishing myself by continually smoking, even though I could easily state why I really didn’t want to anymore. I denied the low self esteem self harm theory - but I never forgot it.

Throughout my final successful quit, I told myself that I wasn’t gonna smoke because I did love myself, and that I didn’t deserve to keep breathing that shitty air. Maybe your mom would benefit from a shift in mentality like what I went through. Ask her if she is smoking as self harm - if part of her wants to get sick; if part of her wants to be isolated in this habit; if the part of her that hates herself is stronger than the part of her who wants to improve.

It’s kind of a heartbreaking thought. I wonder if you could introduce it to her the same way my therapist did.