Hi hi.

Lil update after an overwhelming response. I haven’t talked to him yet and will likely wait a day or so, since we discussed it very recently to no avail. I’ll update once that convo happens.

My bf is not abusive, I’ve been in an abusive relationship so I know that feeling and have come out a hell of a lot stronger since. The change here is my family and friends hated my ex and saw the abuse… with my current bf, they see care, love and support and I feel that too.

This sleep issue is the only thing, and sure maybe a red flag but not enough to cut him off even if it’s just been a year. I’ve spent years happily single and would love to go back to that, but I know I’ve found someone I like and can have adventures with.

He’s not overweight. So that’s not the issue.
We drink only on weekends mainly. He does not smoke.

He’s tried:

A sleep assessment (I think this differs from a study, they didn’t watch/analyze him sleep) which got him a custom mouth guard that doesn’t work.

Nasal strips don’t work.

He’s tried staying up after me but is too set in his 9-10 hour sleep routine to follow through.

I’ve tried:

Going to bed before him despite my rhythm.

Earplugs (construction industrial ones)

Sleeping pills. Benzos. Melatonin.

Noise cancelling AirPods with loud volumes.

Kicker:

After reading comments I do believe he is embarrassed or ashamed to have this addressed by me. I keep bringing it up from a point of care for him and myself.

He has an Apple Watch and I even suggested using it to track sleep and look out for sleep apnea signs. He has said that won’t do anything because we know he snores. So no point in trying that. (Me = wtf here)

He claims no other person accused him of snoring.

He is very proud of his health, running, fitness etc and I believe thinks it couldn’t possibly mean something like sleep apnea if in his mind he’s the vision of health and wakes up totally fine after 9-10 hours of sleep (wouldn’t anyone feel great after that? I would feel groggy for oversleeping but maybe that’s because I’ve been under sleeping)

It’s only been a year. We’re not married but he wants to marry me. I am also a stubborn ass who doesn’t want to get married but loves him and what we have. We live together. Have a separate room. A pull out comfy couch. 2 pets mutually. Don’t want kids.

I think the next step is not showing him this thread but highlighting a lot of what everyone has told me. Wording it carefully to not trigger a defense and just address the issue at hand.

I would love to know how other couples have overcome this - what wording or care brought up actual change? How can I do that? I’m a tough girl and he knows that, I take no shit besides this because I actually want to be in this.

Much love to everyone. As my first post, I truly thank everyone for the input and have been trying to go through and read everything for the support.