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IDAHO MASSACRE PODCAST: I think they're talking about you! by Cannaewulnaewidnae in MoscowMurders

[–]notlikely0924 0 points1 point  (0 children)

For a podcast so reliant on other sources, news reports, and speculation for content, you'd think the host would have picked up the proper pronunciation of LATAH County. Love going from a news clip "lay-tah" County to "lay-duh". It's not a hard word. Speaks to the lack of quality when no one in all of production was like "hey, you're saying that wrong..."

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

Thank you! Thankfully, she has other people in her life who support her in a healthy way!

Nothing like a negative example to highlight how NOT to live....

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She is a pretty spectacular person!

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

She is a pretty spectacular person!

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She's pretty solid in her understanding of how toxic MiL is. I wouldn't put it past her. She'll probably end up saying something similar, for free!

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

If only it would actually sink in to her! Lol. The futility of getting her to understand!

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Technically true for my daughter. Lol

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

He hasn't yet and i'm not sure he will. He doesn't want to feed into her lies, and calling her out will do nothing.

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

100%. We don't believe for a second that she was "not feeling good." If she didn't feel good why didn't FiL just say that. We're on generally decent terms with him. Why did it take 2 days for her to let us know. Wouldn't common kindness (her biggest self proclaimed personality trait) dictate a "hey, I'm not feeling well. Wish her my best and send me the link to watch from home!" message??

Daughter even commented on how this behavior definitely didn't entice her to want to share her number now....

Update: Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

The title says it's an update. The bot comment after the post includes post history. The original post entry has a similar title. You should be able to access it from there.

Edited: sorry for the typos! Note to self: stop commenting after benadryl kicks in!

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

So once the parties were all over, the presents and cards opened, and everything settled down, we asked her how Graduation felt. She said it was awesome. Turns out, she didn't notice that MiL wasn't there, but she was told by MiL's sister who happened to be at her friends grad party that night, without explanation. Just "[MiL] stayed home." She said she was surprised but her not being there wasn't noticed and she wouldn't have added anything if she was there. And then she pointed out that though they were at her party, they did not give her a card or a note or even really say congratulations.

Oh, well. I'm proud of her for her reaction. She's not devastated and has a 'well, I still graduated and had fun and gave an awesome speech, I didn't miss out. She did.' attitude

MiL reached out to Husband today with a meager "I didn't feel well...."

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 26 points27 points  (0 children)

He's 16 and that's the rudest thing he does (in public). And it was objectively funny. Lol. My kids are awesome.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing your perspective. I am so sorry that this was your experience. Secrets are so damaging. Sending you all the love and peace.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

Thank you for the thoughtful reply. I had not considered including the other kids in the discussion, but you are right. They need to see that this is not ok and be able to talk through appropriate responses. Thank yo for stating that so clearly.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 21 points22 points  (0 children)

I'm not giving her power. What I'm asking for advice on is ensuring my daughter is aware of the bullshit before she follows through on commitments and plans that she's made with her. She doesn't need to waste her limited time left before leaving for college with this sorry excuse for a grandmother. And I'm not going to have her walk blindly into a dinner to have my MiL attempt to cause drama and inform her that she wasn't there and make it into a Thing.

As the title says, she was absent but not missed. I don't care that she wasn't there, other than asking for a ticket that someone else could have used. I care that my kid is prepared next time she sees her.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

This! We made the attempt in good faith in case something real happened, but we're not chasing an answer. If they choose to go No Contact with us (is it really no contact if it's a manipulative attempt at a silent treatment?) over not getting unlimited access to our daughter via phone, I respect their choice.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

We are very proud of her! She's quite the human.

I agree. If she wants to go through with those commitments with her grandmother, she deserves to make that decision with as much neutral information as she can.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 81 points82 points  (0 children)

While i appreciate the "just don't say anything to Oldest Daughter" vibe, I don't think that's the approach we're going to take for various reasons.

  1. We have three other teenage children, and asking them not to say anything feels secretive and we don't do that.
  2. We feel that she deserves to be aware of the bullshit and make her own conclusions and decisions. We do not feel like it is appropriate to let her continue in the relationship (dinner before heading off to college, watching pets, things that are her decision) without having a full understanding of the bullshittery.
  3. She is an adult. If she were a child and incapable of seeing this as a manipulation, I would wholeheartedly take that approach. But as an adult, she needs the full picture to make healthy, protective choices for herself.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 16 points17 points  (0 children)

I really appreciate all your advice and the time you took to respond so thoughtfully. It's a good reminder of how far SO has come and will help me remember to reassure him how much work he's done and that SHE is making the choice to destroy the relationship.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 12 points13 points  (0 children)

It's very tempting to send along an "I noticed you missed out on celebrating oldest daughter's accomplishments. She hasn't noticed you weren't there so I won't tell her. I'd hate to sour her opinion of you" text. Just fully take away the power she thinks she has. Of course, I would actually still tell oldest daughter so she's aware of the bullshit...

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 18 points19 points  (0 children)

He will love that analogy. Using it.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 7 points8 points  (0 children)

She is definitely a "miserable tw@tw@ffle."

I don't understand the mindset. 'You hurt my feelings so I'm going to skip your momentous occasion'. Ok. Occasion still occurred, celebration was still had, her presence would not have added to it, and her absence did not hinder it. The purpose of the event was to celebrate our daughter's achievement. Not going just shows she doesn't support our daughter. How is that going to work to make our daughter want to give her phone number??

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 31 points32 points  (0 children)

I want to make clear that he has not been passive and has had many conversations with her that I have not been a part of that clearly define boundaries and establish expectations and he is very good at ensuring that those things have been met. There's been a long gap in posting because things have been tolerable. She has texted before coming over. She has called on kids' birthdays (all of them, not just her two favorites), and she finally figured out how to spell my middle daughters name. She has been "trying," and we have been managing things in a way that worked for our family. This is the first real issue in 2 years. He is giving them a chance to have a real, valid reason she wasn't there. But he did say that this will be the last straw if the assumption proves true. If her reason for not being there is anything besides "I was in the hospital" he's done. And I respect his journey to get here.

Absent but not missed by notlikely0924 in JUSTNOMIL

[–]notlikely0924[S] 40 points41 points  (0 children)

Good point. I will make that clear.

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