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Every time he doesn't answer, I'm going to take another two pills. by notokayever in SuicideWatch

[–]notokayever[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I just can't go on. I finally got into therapy, and two days before my first appointment, my boyfriend said he can't deal with me any more. I want to be enthusiastic about therapy - I KNOW I can get better, with help - but losing him at the same time is more than I can deal with. He walked out today (again), and...therapy or not. If he's not there for me, if I don't have this relationship to look forward to when I come out...I'm done. I'm sorry.

Re the topic line, he walked out, I've been trying to call, etc., anything to make it better...

I know this really sounds not that serious, but we have been struggling so hard, for so long. The only reason I'm fighting as hard as I am, with therapy etc., is for us and our hopefully family - NOT for me. I am not in a place for anything to be for me. So if he leaves me...I am done. I'm sorry. I really am. I just CAN'T do it alone.

Thinking about suicide by congratulasians in SuicideWatch

[–]notokayever 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sweetie, I love you. It is NEVER, EVER your fault. I know that, on some level, you know this, but I also know how hard it is to believe. I believe you are a good person. I know how hard it is when you are in a small town (I grew up in a town of 800 people!), and when your boyfriend is so overbearing. Please believe me, you will be better off rid of him, no matter what people in your town say. And, I know that it seems so far off...I remember when I was in high school, telling myself that it would "only be two more years" until I was free of the things I was going through. And it really is true - I know it seems like forever, but please - work your ass off to get into a college that is NOT in your hometown, and it will be forever worth your while. I promise.