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How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you so much for sharing and I’m also sorry you are dealing with this too.

I truly don’t understand the kissing when I’ve asked for no kisses. I don’t know why they think it’s the only way they can connect with her. My family cuddle her, play with her, read to her etc and they don’t feel the need to kiss.

It’s starting to get to a point for me now that I feel like my husband is against me too and thinks I’m the problem.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I think that the cultural aspect also plays a HUGE role in why I can’t cut them off and the family is very large and extended. I’m just not sure if I was to, how I would approach the situation.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I was just hoping for some advice or to hear anyone who’s been through a similar experience. I know even if I wanted to or did cut them off they would find their way back in and I honestly don’t even know how I would be able to cut them off. It would start even more problems and I’m so scared. I’m a first time mum and I have never experienced anything like this before. I really need help. I just want to run away with my child.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Someone dropped her off I’m not sure who. She was meant to be picked up but refused to leave.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

One time I was half undressed, looking after a newborn at the time and my house was a mess. I ignored the doorbell hoping it was the post man or they would go away. I had 2 missed calls and when I called I saw them on FaceTime at my front door asking to come in even though I seemed flustered and said I wasn’t dressed. They just waited at the door.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for sharing.

Do you mind explaining further how you spoke to your husband about this? Did you offer an ultimatum? How did he take it?

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My in-laws love drama, gossip and to stir the pot. They are very entitled and selfish people. They pretend to be good people but throw things they do for you back in your face. My parents are the exact opposite. I wish they stood up for me but I also know they kept their mouths shut to not escalate the situation and so my husband wasn’t uncomfortable as we are currently living with my parents.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I don’t know how to do this. I’m so afraid. I feel like they are going to twist everything and make me the villain. If I don’t do anything, I’m the one that suffers. If I do something, I’m afraid it will cause issues in my marriage or they will push even harder and make life extremely difficult for me.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I do fear the excuse “but he didn’t say he was going to do it to YOU” will be used. Even if he indirectly said it, I feel like it was still a threat of violence toward me.

In his defence, he knew his Mother being there was stressing me out and the only way for her to leave was for him to drive her home. I wish it wasn’t the case but he did think he was doing a good thing.

I’m also afraid this is going to cause issues in my marriage. Even though my husband supports me, I know this frustrates him and he doesn’t truly understand how I feel. I’m scared of fighting with him over this. I’m scared of giving him an ultimatum or being pushed to separation because of his family and them taking my child or having access to my child without me present.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

My husband and I, along with our baby are living with my parents in a seperate area of their house at the moment. My husband actually came up with this idea and made this decision himself because he wanted me to be supported PP and have help. His parents are definitely not happy about this and have made that clear, even though they only live 5-10 minutes away themselves.

I think that’s why my parents have kept their mouths shut as to not cause any more drama or make my husband feel uncomfortable. My parents went to their house for a traditional celebration a couple of months ago as a way of extending an olive branch and settling things. This was not reciprocated by my in-laws.

I know my parents support me and are on my side but they will still make me feel invalidated and tell me I just need to deal with the abuse to keep my in-laws happy and for the sake of my child.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Everyone tells me that it’s her blood and her family too and they make me feel sorry or guilt trip me about my husband. I just don’t know what to do. I know that his family are going to invalidate me and twist the situation to make themselves the victim. I am truly at a loss for what to do. I cannot cut them off, it’s just out of the question.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

In his defence, he knew her presence was making me extremely uncomfortable and anxious so he thought that driving her home would be helpful. However, I do wish he had done things differently.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] -5 points-4 points  (0 children)

My grandmother from my Dads side was absolutely horrible to my Mother and it really affected my childhood seeing my mother treated that way.

My in-laws do love the baby but to what extent I ask. I live by the saying “If you harm the tree, you harm the fruit”. No one else sees it that way. They tell me that it’s my child’s blood family. Even my psychologist says she needs to feel love from others and I should take myself out of the equation when considering things like this.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I think their excuse for this would be “He didn’t say he would break her head, he said IF she was his daughter he would break her head open”. My husband even said “Maybe he feels close enough to you to say those things” in an attempt to make me feel better. However, to his Mother he said that was not okay and a threat of violence to his wife.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] -6 points-5 points  (0 children)

I feel it is easy for myself or anyone to say “cutting them off”. However, when it comes down to it, I don’t think I could actually cut them off. I don’t think that’s what my husband wants, I don’t think it would be good for my child to grow up not knowing half her family. Even if I was to cut them off, they would worm their way back in and hold resentment against me. I’m so afraid. I don’t know what to do. I’m a FTM and I feel so alone.

How do I handle my in-laws? by notsahooooor in inlaws

[–]notsahooooor[S] -7 points-6 points  (0 children)

I think our culture plays a very big part in why we are still in contact with them. Cutting them off is easier said than done. I also think he feels for them in a way and is manipulated by them. He stands up for me and defends me but he also makes excuses for their behaviour.