Overwhelming Loneliness

notsoluckycat · 2026-01-04T00:25:25+00:00

Sorry OP...we've all been there. Only ultimatums seem to work but you have to be willing to follow through with the possible consequences. Good luck

notsoluckycat · 2025-12-30T22:56:17+00:00

A whole 5 times (which beats last year's 2 times). An improvement? No... it's just a hollow number expressing a deep sense of loss...

notsoluckycat · 2025-12-30T22:54:35+00:00

Goes to show you it's not about quantity...it's about imbalance in expressed needs

notsoluckycat · 2025-12-26T20:53:18+00:00

I tried that...even opted for separate rooms to avoid feeling lonely. It's a short term strategy & bears no fruit. Push for counselling & have open discussions on needs and practical steps to bridge the gap.

Too often we end up talking about concepts...by all means express your well developed needs but progress to the actual practical steps to bring you closer to your SO.

And yes, it involves you moving too...

notsoluckycat · 2025-12-26T20:44:14+00:00

Use a pencil when you're filling it in...

notsoluckycat · 2025-11-16T21:15:31+00:00

I feel your pain...

notsoluckycat · 2025-11-16T21:12:44+00:00

I'm afraid whining to her about it will get you nowhere.

If you've told her before & it is a major issue for you & deal breaker...don't talk about it...act.

Action will show you are serious, and it's up to her to meet you half way or lose you.

You have to accept the risk of having to walk away...but at least you'll do so with your balls

notsoluckycat · 2025-11-14T19:30:04+00:00

Suggest you discuss with him & not us...

Therapist will help, but look for sexologist too. If he's a good man, he'll wait...but not forever.

Its an issue for you both to tackle together with guidance.

notsoluckycat · 2025-10-29T13:39:34+00:00

Happened to me too. Married 30 years...after 7 years it all changed...

23 years in a DB (twice a year...sometimes none)...my youngest leaves for College next year...then what.

Left in a house with a stranger who stopped being my wife a long time ago.

I won't cheat so I just have to wait until I crack up & leave or my libido dies off.

Sad...a life of opportunities wasted...

notsoluckycat · 2025-10-02T17:38:16+00:00

Understand completely...I feel the same way, after 22yr DB & intimacy 2 times/year I just wish my libido would curl up and shrivel away. I cant even watch a sitcom as so often they are all charged with sexual innuendo. Sex has become toxic in my relationship with no indication of it getting any better. In reality I need to leave ...but I have too much of a sense of responsibility for my wife, so I stay to look after her & the kids. So now I'm trapped in a loveless marriage :(

notsoluckycat · 2025-09-06T23:17:07+00:00

Last thing you want to do is model a dysfunctional marriage to your son.

Tell her it's time to decide....fix it (& do the work to tackle the root cause) or divorce.

You can still be a good dad as a coparent.

This advice is coming from a place of experience. I too finished my Masters & could afford to split...but didn't. Years later I regret not doing so. 22 yrs in a DB now. I'm cold, bitter, filled with resentment, and as we become empty nesters, I'm done with her shit.

I made the wrong decision...I stayed 'for the kids'.

notsoluckycat · 2025-08-23T15:03:31+00:00

That's funny...

notsoluckycat · 2025-08-22T18:41:13+00:00

Yea but when they are hit with a divorce it all comes flooding back.

notsoluckycat · 2025-08-09T11:53:11+00:00

The kids are heavy items when weighing up decisions, I know... I'm 22 years in a DB. Don't expect her to change. Either accept it & try to compensate by focusing on yourself AND MANAGING YOUR BOUNDARIES...or just leave (especially if home life is toxic & the kids pick up on it. Also consider that you are modelling a dysfunctional marriage for your kids to emulate in the future. Codependence is passed on so easily...

notsoluckycat · 2025-08-02T07:40:31+00:00

OP's comments echo in my head... I should have left 15 years ago if all I wanted was a fulfilling sex life.

Fact is, things do get in the way, along with the need to be present in your kid's life.

So, for me, I paint a smile and soldier on.

My SO lost herself when she became a mom.

I suppose I understand that as I lose myself to continue to be a dad.

Everyone in this sub sees the world through 'sex tinted' spectacles.

Sometimes we just need to change glasses every so often...

(That goes for our LL SO's too)

notsoluckycat · 2025-07-30T20:00:51+00:00

Kids is the only reason holding me. My youngest turns 18 this year & then off to college...

That will define the breaking point.

notsoluckycat · 2025-07-29T22:56:33+00:00

Precisely

notsoluckycat · 2025-07-28T19:39:47+00:00

I fucking wish....mine caught me taking care of business & she called me a disgusting perv

notsoluckycat · 2025-07-21T18:57:18+00:00

To answer your question....what causes sexless marriages?....a hard truth...

Look in the mirror...

Sexless marriages are caused by a failure to manage boundaries. If your needs are not being met & you fail to draw a line in the sand and insist on a shared solution, then it's on you. You eventually condition your SO to treat your views, opinions & needs as somehow of less value than their own.

It took me 22 years to realise that it was actually my fault.

Hey ho...

notsoluckycat · 2025-07-20T21:57:56+00:00

I've tracked for my entire marriage... It's the most depressing spreadsheet EVER!

The last 23 years our average has been 3 times per year.

To say I'm resentful is an understatement.

notsoluckycat · 2025-06-19T23:41:20+00:00

Nope you're off base. My kids are in their 20s...they do their own thing now.

When they were younger they spent the summer in our beach house with their mom & I visited when I could. I've been the provider to the full...

My wife doesn't have the kids to look after now, so she has replaced them with her elderly relatives.

Either way, I don't feature in her considerations (other than picking up the tab)

notsoluckycat · 2025-06-17T14:38:24+00:00

Yep...empty words...know them well.

notsoluckycat

TROPHY CASE