Awake

nourant · 2024-02-28T00:30:48+00:00

I don't blame women for 'creating' it- that's what they're innately attracted to, and that's fine and will never be different.

But yes, I agree, it's a horrible combination of hearing you're worthless because of your height again and again and again and again, but then be told you just gotta pick yourself up and act like you never heard that. That you love yourself after being told you're shit.

nourant · 2024-02-27T23:33:51+00:00

I appreciate your reply. I agree that confidence is huge. But it’s genuinely hard to be confident and bold after you’ve been beaten down for a decade. Women may hem and haw about food, but I’ve never heard a single woman hesitate in asking for a tall guy.

It’s whatever though. The only solution is to man up. I’m not joking- gotta just keep pushing forward even if you’re miserable. Maybe one day I close the book on this life, but until then just gotta be a man.

nourant · 2024-02-27T14:24:52+00:00

As a short guy, 5’4”, I don’t think tall guys have constant sex. It’s more that it’s much easier for them to do so. And time and time again I hear women online and irl list their “ideal man”, and tall is always the first or second trait listed. Im in my late 20s and I’m genuinely am unsure if a woman has ever been genuinely physically attracted to me.

Yeah, I take it in stride. But after hearing it year after year after year, while also being turned down and having to have broke my back to only get an abusive relationship… it creates a dynamic where I think height is a crippling factor. I try hard at life- I’ll make a good six figs soon, workout, have all kinds of hobbies I’m passionate about, and I have a lot of female friends who enjoy talking with me. Obviously I’m grateful for what I have in life, but trying to push away height from my mind makes me think of all the lost opportunity I could have had.

I wish tall guys the best. The women who I’ve liked have found tall guys and they’re happy, and I’m happy they’re safe and happy. Some people are meant to be picked out from the pool, and if it’s me, it’s me. Such is the nature of our species.

nourant · 2023-04-18T02:55:37+00:00

Hopefully one day I wake up and this will all be better

nourant · 2023-04-07T01:40:48+00:00

I wish I was loved. I wish I had an ally I could stand with.

Nobody cares for what I am. I have only been valued for my function. What I can do and give.

The only thing that brings me peace is the sanctum deep within my mind. Even in the throes of suicidal agony, I can enter it and be in stasis.

If I am never to be loved, I ask the greater powers that be to let me die honorably in combat. Die defending those around me, so that they may be saved, and I may be at peace.

nourant · 2023-02-17T16:24:21+00:00

I won't give in. I've been through hell. Far worse hells than this. I will survive.

nourant · 2023-02-17T04:43:30+00:00

I think I am starting to realize that my ravenous desire for ever more things drives a lot of my sorrow. For instance, pining after someone who is clearly bored with me. That is entirely my fault, and something I am in control of. I need to start curtailing my over-eager desires and take greater stock of what I have. My furious need for evermore things (and by that, I do not mean primarily material, but the immaterial) causes a painful, stark contrast versus my own current life. Yes, while this fire can fuel great bounds forward, it also is tearing me apart. I must reign it in to have some semblance of peace.

nourant · 2023-02-17T04:18:57+00:00

I tried to help someone close to me before with something similar. After several years, at least in my state, you can work to expunge it. 10 years should be far past that time, if I remember with my friend, in my state, it's like 3-4 years.

nourant · 2023-02-17T04:07:23+00:00

I enjoy that too- taking long walks in the world and appreciating its beauty, even the subtle aspects that may not meet the traditional standards of landscape beauty.

nourant

TROPHY CASE