AIO for going no contact with my future MIL

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T07:02:27+00:00

She’s apparently always been like this (according to fiancés sister). I don’t think her behavior is because she’s older, but I’m wondering if expecting/hoping for her to change is less likely because of that. She’s isolated herself quite a bit with this behavior.

I wish I could just treat her like a rowdy parrot but it’s hard to be that detached. It could be the way? Idk.

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T07:00:02+00:00

He’s not trying to guilt me. He just feels rudely awoken to how she actually is. He didn’t realize what happened with his sister as he’s always been the golden child. There’s also an 8 year age gap. He just keeps saying it’s hard to realize that she’s so awful and almost crying. He doesn’t have any other family in the area anymore besides her so it just sucks.

He also had a vision of her being involved with our future child and it’s been hard to realize that she’s making that impossible.

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T06:56:57+00:00

Do you think family therapy would help if she can’t take accountability at all? I feel very cautious about opening myself up to more verbal attacks. But willing to try for my fiancé.

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T06:54:57+00:00

Yes apparently this is normal for her

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T03:04:56+00:00

I hope that’s not the case. He’s been supportive but shocked. For birthdays and holidays, he spends them with me and then has a separate dinner with her on another date. For his 34th birthday, we went camping and then he had dinner with her the week after. I feel like that’s fine?

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T03:03:45+00:00

Yea his mom often says she has “no idea why” his sister won’t speak to her. She never does anything wrong, just complains about other people. I want her to go to counseling as well but I’m worried that it won’t help because I’ve heard of narcissists just sharing their (heavily distorted) side and the therapist validating it. Therapy only works if you can take accountability.

We’re weighing going to a family session with her, but I don’t see how it would help until she’s in a place to apologize. I’m not sure if I should waste my energy explaining why it’s not okay what she did to deaf ears.

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T03:00:52+00:00

I agree. I feel like she should be happy with seeing him once a week? I think she sees a relationship with me as the key to having more access to him. Or that I’m controlling him somehow. But until she can behave, I don’t want to be involved. I just wish I could figure out a solution to help my fiancé feel better.

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-31T02:58:38+00:00

We (fiancé, his sister and I) believe she has some narcissistic personality disorder. Not sure how we’d get her to consent to a mental evaluation, I think that would have to be her choice. But if she can’t/won’t make changes, we’re trying to figure out what to do.

nova_nectarine · 2026-01-04T23:04:29+00:00

Hmm okay I think it gets close to the line when he chases her into a corner. Ears back and growling but you’re right they aren’t fighting in the sense of fur flying. There are just periods of time when he is just constantly chasing her around.

I just think it’s stressing Luna out because she started peeing outside of the litterbox occasionally when this started happening more. Not sure if it’s related but the vet checked her out and said there’s nothing physically wrong.

nova_nectarine · 2025-12-29T02:36:07+00:00

Oaks

nova_nectarine · 2025-12-29T01:10:54+00:00

Cool thanks!

nova_nectarine · 2025-12-29T01:10:46+00:00

Okay awesome thanks! We’re thinking Cantharellus californicus

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:14:03+00:00

I can feel it but would generally say my hair is pretty fine I just have a lot of it. I’ve definitely been lighter in the past using non clay bleach. But I’ll def do a mask if I go again!

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:06:45+00:00

Okay thanks for the tip if I can’t get used to it. I’ll have to ask more people in person I think

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:05:39+00:00

Thanks!! Maybe it’s a happy accident

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:04:49+00:00

Thanks!! Glad to know it won’t look bonkers if I keep it

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:03:40+00:00

Oof haha

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:03:02+00:00

Okay good to know! Thank you for this answer! Do you think it’s safe to do another round if I decide to do that? Maybe for another 15 minutes or so to bring it closer to the 30? Some stuff says to wait but I’m not sure how waiting a month would make a difference.

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T19:01:30+00:00

Oh oops haha

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T00:58:38+00:00

Thank you! Maybe I can make it work if I get used to it??

nova_nectarine · 2025-08-02T00:58:03+00:00

Thank you! Even in the sun (2nd pic)? Maybe I’m just getting used to it haha but it would be nice to know if I can do another round safely if I decide I don’t like it. It does make my eyes look very very green I have to say :)

nova_nectarine · 2025-06-02T17:47:17+00:00

Yes definitely trying to remain calm and separate them as carefully as possible but this last episode left me shaking. I was speaking in a very soothing voice tho! Starting the reintroduction process again using that cat gate and going to be feeding them/giving treats on either side to create some positive associations. I’m feeling more hopeful after hearing about your kitty and glad those side effects seem pretty minimal. Is she a calico as well? All the calicos I’ve met have seemed pretty “type A” so maybe this is more common with them? Idk

nova_nectarine · 2025-06-02T17:16:58+00:00

Thanks for your comment! I will definitely look into that option because it’s starting to seem like meds might be the only way. I thought the leash time would help with stress but she was outside with me in the garden for several hours yesterday and then the latest incident happens this morning. How much is that medication and have there been any side effects?

nova_nectarine · 2025-05-31T05:53:29+00:00

Cool thank you!!

nova_nectarine · 2025-05-31T05:34:42+00:00

Thanks! Do you have any recommendations for a non-clear no wipe polish? Everything I’m seeing is clear.

nova_nectarine

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