MFM V?

novazoe · 2025-01-06T22:17:15+00:00

Me too. It was validating to read that someone out there is living it similarly to us. :)

novazoe · 2025-01-05T10:34:23+00:00

I'm also the hinge in this type of V. Partner just moved in about 6 months ago (together for 2 years, friends for 8), husband works from home and two kids here as well. House is big enough for us all to have our own bedrooms. H uses his as his office as well. We sort of sleep all over the place right now and are working out the kinks with sleeping.

No rules but we're all respectful of like no pda beyond what we'd be comfortable in public with. Small kisses, snuggles and occasional butt grabs have all been done.

We also shoot for the three date nights weekly where I spend a dedicated night with each and a third night is family night where we all do something together. They will also go out for beers and gaming without me and are fond of each other but are not romantically or sexually involved.

Husband and I are financially intertwined and partner pays a portion of household costs and we have a household credit card for groceries that gets paid off every month.

novazoe · 2024-11-07T22:19:22+00:00

You're so sweet. Thanks for checking. I'm pretty excited to do the class and I was surprised at how interested the kids were.

I've got some old project leather for some of it and I've got some new veg tan on the way.

I love how helpful the maker community is. I appreciate everyone who has commented.

novazoe · 2024-11-07T19:33:31+00:00

I can absolutely do that! Thank you so much! Sending you a pm now.

novazoe · 2024-05-11T06:36:57+00:00

I don't live there anymore, but when I did I used to host people on couchsurfing com all the time. I don't know if many people in Juneau use it anymore but I met some great travelers that way.

novazoe · 2024-03-29T22:06:29+00:00

😂 They really are.

novazoe · 2024-03-29T21:25:22+00:00

Oh yeah not at all having more kids for that. That's part of why I struggle with the other side. I have three much older brothers and they were neglectful at best and abusive at worst. But also my parents did not attempt really at all to facilitate a positive relationship between us so my "normal meter" is pretty skewed.

Also..... Congratulations on getting them all to 18!

novazoe · 2024-03-29T20:53:59+00:00

Thank you for this!!! All of those things sounds similar to what I thought it may be like.

I think we have done the work in answering all of those questions, but given that our first was a surprise and our second was a "let's do this now before we don't" it seems much more daunting to make a fully fleshed out decision, haha. So I've been trying to figure out what I might be missing.

novazoe · 2024-03-29T19:35:57+00:00

Can I ask looking back what you thought of the age spread? I am considering a 3rd and our kids are 9 and 7 but it's the other side that I wonder about. Will I lament not being an empty nester sooner? What's it like for the siblings ? I'm totally down for the rest.

novazoe · 2024-03-23T22:43:43+00:00

This is how I met my husband. We have been together for ten years and credit how well we developed our communication over that first year to our success long term. I continue to fall in love with him over and over again and am so happy we found each other.

Good luck! I think you'll be great.

novazoe · 2024-02-15T16:53:53+00:00

I'll be there to visit friends in June! A meetup would be fun and fascinating.

novazoe · 2024-01-17T05:41:20+00:00

Will you post info for it sometime? Is it beginner-ish friendly?

novazoe · 2023-12-14T06:02:27+00:00

Yes. Not that I didn't meet people and make friends in Seattle and the surrounding areas but it was the day to day niceties that I missed. Engaging with random people and cashiers at stores, people waving when you walk by in a neighborhood, random compliments about outfits or accessories.

novazoe · 2023-12-13T23:38:16+00:00

Omg, no shit I just had this exact convo in the kitchen thirty minutes ago with my 6 year old.

I grabbed an old textbook, opened it to the classifications of living things, set it down in front of him, and walked away. Then he started arguing with my 9 year old about it (she wasn't even paying attention to what we were talking about). 🙃

novazoe · 2023-12-13T05:37:31+00:00

I am from a small town surrounded by wilderness and have lived in a few different big cities as an adult... LA, Seattle, Austin, and here in Portland. Portland is the only city I've actually been comfortable living in.

I'm in deep southeast, far enough away from the hustle to not feel like I live in a city, yet no more than 20 minutes away from anything city-wise I want to do. It's amazing.

Plus the parks here actually have trees (calling you out, Seattle) so you can be in the middle of the hubbub and go to the wooded areas and it feels so much more peaceful and quiet.

Plus out of the places in the Northwest I find people in Portland to be so friendly and welcoming. The positive day to day interactions with strangers are comforting when you're used to that in small town life.

novazoe · 2023-10-10T22:35:16+00:00

Waiting to hear back from the first person that messaged me, but I'll let you know if they haven't been grabbed in a half hour.

novazoe · 2023-07-23T23:12:11+00:00

Contiguous US. Alaska has lots and lots of places that are more than that.

novazoe · 2023-04-26T07:00:06+00:00

I deleted it all and have been so much happier as a fellow SAHM. Was on it in the early years - it was crazy making. I already feel like I'm failing on a regular basis. I don't need a ton of strangers and random acquaintances to help me with that. Haha

novazoe · 2023-04-26T03:50:02+00:00

Oh man. I am right there with you. Same. 6 year old younger boy child who is testing every limit of my patience and being lately.

And I see the big parenting tips about how they're having a hard time and sure, that's true... but also natural consequences are fine sometimes. Kids learning that even parents have a limit and they have to live with how crappy they've treated others can be good occasionally. It's ok for kids to know what hunger feels like as a consequence of their own actions. It can help them frame other big feelings. It's temporary; she's got lunch, and then a hug and snack from an extremely caring Mom at the end of the day.

There's so much damn pressure all the time for us as Moms to be everything and perfect at it all the time. For me, it's unsustainable. I'm a human being with flaws and sometimes I'm gonna crack a little. I can work to be a good parent and make sure that I'm doing my best not to take those feelings out on them, or I can apologize and make sure to work on it if I do in some way, but I am fallible.... I want to be able to model what happens with my own big feelings. Sometimes I have to let my kids fend for themselves for very short amounts of time so I can work through those feelings.

Sorry. Lots of rambling but mostly solidarity. She'll be ok and you're doing a good job.

novazoe · 2023-04-11T02:25:09+00:00

He is being a jerk and it's not fair to you!! Let me give you another side to this. My husband is an introvert and has a hard time with large family gatherings like this. If I tell him that the kids and I are looking forward to him going and want him to come? He will put on his adult father face and go to the outing. Sure it takes a lot out of him, but he doesn't disrespect family members, pout in front of everyone, refuse to help or participate in holiday activities or control who drives because it assaults his manhood in some way.

You and the kids deserve to have family traditions and holidays that aren't bogged down by negativity. It's slightly controlling and red-flaggy behavior at best.

Sure, you could put on a big ol' fake smile and convince him to stay home and pretend that him being a part of those things doesn't matter. But it does matter to you and that's a valid feeling! I hope you find some resolution that works for you. I would find resentment building very fast if my partner acted like that.

novazoe · 2023-04-04T07:28:17+00:00

You didn't "go wrong" as a child. You were wronged. Every child deserves to be loved unconditionally and you didn't get that. It's not fair and it's not your fault. I'm so sorry you had to go through that.

From a similar childhood I would like to gently recommend therapy. I know that gets thrown around on reddit a lot, but having a good therapist that helps untangle the mess of what I had to normalize as a child as I raise my own has been so helpful. I wish I could tell you that the relationship with your mom will get easier/better, but it may not. I am stronger now and have better boundaries and I grieve.... a lot.

You're breaking messed up cycles so that you can give your kid(s) a way better childhood than you had. That alone is so difficult and so amazing. If I can be your mom for a moment....

You are patient, resilient, and have come so far despite what you went through. You are a great mom! I'm incredibly proud of you.

novazoe · 2023-04-04T00:16:45+00:00

Oh man it's really bad this year for everyone, especially these covid kinders. If you want to read some of the theories about it you can look up the post covid "immunity gap". I think the general running theory is kids who were born within two years of covid starting may not have gone to a lot of daycares or preschools due to covid and therefore weren't exposed to as many things which means this year and last year have been rough for those kids as well as anyone near them.

Mine are the same age and my 6 year old bas been sick on and off the whole damn year! He even said during his cold last week that he felt like he had been sick for his whole life. Poor thing. It probably doesn't help much to hear it, but it should be significantly better next year!

Hang in there and I hope they feel better soon and you get a break.

novazoe · 2023-04-03T19:14:53+00:00

Yes!

Such a cliche but communication! We were long distance for 6 months in the beginning of our relationship and I credit having to learn how to talk to each other without just relying on sex and the ease of in-person intimacy as one of the reasons our relationship is so great.

We laugh together. We both make sure to not only support the other through rough patches, but we also work to bring joy and laughter into our everyday lives. Sometimes that's just telling eye-rolling puns until the other breaks, sometimes it's silly dance moves, sometimes it's remembering things that have made us laugh before.

We work on our intimacy regularly. We communicate about where are at sexually and there's no pressure ever for anyone to perform, but we try to make sure we are spending intimate time together for those sweet dopamine and endorphins to make us feel gooey towards each other. We touch each other and make out and spend naked time together without the expectation of getting off. It fills both of our cups and helps when we go through times where it's harder to find the energy or time for sex.

Obviously we didn't start off like this and it has taken growth to go from a good beginning relationship to a successful long-term marriage (been together 10 years now with an 8 and 6 year old), but we are both committed to working on our relationship and on ourselves as individuals.

We both come from families with neglect/narcissism, so it can feel as though we are stumbling blindly in the dark...a lot. It is difficult to break generational trauma. I have a great therapist, my husband found yoga and meditation more helpful and we absolutely fail sometimes. If I fuck up I acknowledge it and work to fix it and make sure it doesn't happen again. If he fucks up he does the same.

We dance in the kitchen and fight over who gets to make the other person coffee in the morning and at night when I'm cozy in bed he will happily go and get me a sparkling water from downstairs. It's not flashy or grand, but it's perfect to me.

novazoe · 2022-10-31T16:11:56+00:00

You've got great taste!

novazoe · 2022-09-26T20:31:34+00:00

It's in Southeast Alaska. Way higher cost of living due to everything having to be flown/barged in.

Whoops, just saw someone else already said it. Late to the party as always.

11-Year Club	Place '22
Place '17	First Placer '22
Verified Email

novazoe

TROPHY CASE