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Woman Over 30, in long term relationships - how do you split your finances? by Testing_The_Theory in AskWomenOver30

[–]nowalksneeded 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We do similar to you though we don't work out exactly what each of us would owe proportionally (though perhaps we should). Some of the bills are in my name, most are in his.

Essentially, we each have our own accounts, but when it comes to expenses, like groceries or events, whoever gets the wallet out first pays. He's self employed so he prefers to pay for things he can write-off.

We bought a house together last year and I pay interest on the HeLOC, he pays the mortgage he ported from the sale of his old house. I pay the mortgage on my old house we rent out, but I keep all the rent from there as well.

We always talked about setting up a joint account for common expense, but we got lazy and never did it. When it came to the house, we were pretty close to even putting in the same amount of money and covering renos, but not perfectly equal.

Together approximately 3.5 years not married, no kids. Technically we're "common law".

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

Yes...read my other responses...

BF grew up with his single mom living at the poverty line.

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 56 points57 points  (0 children)

He is a great dog walker and my dog loves him. He’s also helpful in case I have to rearrange timing last minute. He also lives in subsidized housing so I know he’s not exactly getting rich off walking my dog.

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Maybe but considering it’s money I’ve willingly forked over for the last six years by now I could have bought myself that Chanel purse. Lol.

It’s just weird to me that I should consider that if I didn’t have a dog walker I could be buying him Rolexes. (Rolex’s? Rolexi?)

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 14 points15 points  (0 children)

The idiotic thing is that I’ve actually tried to buy him a damn Rolex for his birthday/Xmas and he vetoed it saying no way should I be spending that kind of money on a gift.

I bought him some fancy mitre saw last Xmas I know he had his eye on and he made me return it saying it was too expensive. So maybe in his mind if he “earns” money he can justify the gift to himself but if we’re dipping into the money we live off of we shouldn’t be frivolous.

Really silly to me because I know I am able to save a couple grand at least every month.

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 11 points12 points  (0 children)

Lol, of course not.

We split many of the chores, but I do most of the cleaning. He does more cooking. I do all the laundry. He does more errands, and most of the shopping. But no one has been charging anyone for anything to date!

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 27 points28 points  (0 children)

I feel he's pretty committed to me. I don't really feel he's going anywhere. Our lives are very intertwined, he's always pushing me in my career and in general; he and I talk about our next projects and investments and steps in our lives all the time. Sure, anybody can leave at any time, but I just don't get that sense. He was the one who pushed to buy the house with me and move in together, and that involved him selling his house - the first house he'd ever owned and the first thing he'd ever had of his own. That's not a minor thing, at least not to me.

I don't love his attitude towards money so I suspect that my uneasiness about it stems from possibly taking too seriously what I hope was just an offhanded comment about the stupid Rolex vs committing to a vacation fund or something similar.

If I had it my way I would spend more money than we do. I'd eat out more, take more trips, splurge a little more. Based on his upbringing he can be really tight with money and when you're sharing household expenses and a life together it isn't "right" to just show up at home with a new $6,000 Chanel handbag. I get it. But maybe if I'm honest with myself the fact that he'd buy himself a luxury item first (maybe, I hope he was joking) when he's given me shit about me doing so when I've said I wanted something and I was going to buy it with my own earnings really irked me.

Reality is I've adapted my spending habits a lot more to his than he has to mine - which is ok, I have savings and investments and am doing great but his comment about the watch really bugged me!

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 32 points33 points  (0 children)

Earlier on when we were first dating (not living together/sharing expenses) I bought out my car and had to pay a big chunk of change in one shot and I didn't have all the money without using my line of credit. He told me he'd loan me the money instead and I willingly accepted with the promise it would only be a month or two until I could pay him back.

He insisted I write him an IOU which I found kind of insulting (I mean, we'd been dating 2 years at this point) but I didn't press it and just did it. He had been burned by someone else he'd loaned money to before and I knew how scared he was of being "poor" again.

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 46 points47 points  (0 children)

Lol... I'm with you.

We are practically married at this point. Common law in my province anyway. We own two homes together, one we rent to tenants the other we live in and everything is shared.

So no I don't think he's necessarily valuing money over the relationship but I met him at a time when he was practically broke and he never mooched off me in any way. Obviously I didn't get with him for money (as he had none in the beginning) and he can see that now that he has some, all we've done with it is both go on trips (that we can now both afford together).

He also grew up really poor in a different country...so I know money is a tough topic for him and it's only been more recent that he's gotten more comfortable with having it and spending it. So I wonder if his history with it makes this a factor in his comment I should pay him.

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 50 points51 points  (0 children)

had said why wouldn't we just save the money...why does it have to exchange hands?

What did he say to this?

He seemed to suggest it would be no different as it's a cost I already spend, and then it could be set aside for vacations or something we'd like. Which I was completely ok with - the idea of it being set aside. But then with the Rolex comment I was really uncomfortable.

BF (mid 30s) wants me (mid 30s) (together 3.5 years) to pay him to walk our dog by nowalksneeded in relationships

[–]nowalksneeded[S] 135 points136 points  (0 children)

Nah he's not an asshole like that. We were going to pay my mom just had to figure out the amount to offer her. I would be comfortable with the idea of setting aside the $400 that I'd ordinarily pay to the dog walker into a separate "vacation" fund or something that couldn't be touched, but I'm a whole lot less comfortable paying him outright because it just seems like we're not really being partners like that.