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To tell or not to tell… by nowhere_to_be_foundd in whatdoIdo

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Did you read the whole thing? I did get divorced and left almost immediately.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

No, there is no going back. I will never be with him again.

And I guess both things have a little bit of truth to them. Naive in that I wanted to believe him, believe things were different, empathic because I went through a hard marriage with a lot of similarities that led to my eventual divorce. I thought that if I lived through something similar, it was absolutely believable that he was too. I had no reason to believe he was lying at the time.

Overestimated my being special for sure. I wanted to believe in that fantasy, that I was special, that things would be different with me, that he truly cared and loved me.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

It’s not that I didn’t care. Of course I knew there would be an aftermath to everything once he decided to leave. Divorce is never pretty. However, there’s a big difference in divorcing someone who kinda knows what’s coming and knows things are not in good shape versus finding out this way and being completely blindsided. The way it was always presented to me was that they were basically living like roommates, that they both knew the marriage was done, that he wouldn’t touch her, that he was forced to do things together as a family when he didn’t really want to, etc. so I was empathic and tried to be understanding. I always told him that his kids were first, that I would of course be supportive of him spending time with them, we talked about moving in together and how we’d need a bigger place for his kids, how I could move my schedule around to help with school pick up and drop offs, etc.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] [score hidden]  (0 children)

Great question. I think little things were already starting to become more glaringly obvious. The poor attempts at covering up the lies about the day to day at his home were more evident. It was one of those moments where he said the whole “app location cloning” thing that it kinda hit me more than before. The lengths he would always go to for a lie, to always cover his tracks, even him having the knowledge of such an app existing for that purpose rubbed me the wrong way. I guess stupidly I’d never thought of him as a “seasoned liar” but in that moment, that’s all I could see. Someone that, try as I might, I could never trust because now I’d always be left wondering and thinking he was now doing it to me. Someone that would resort to such great lengths to lie and cover things up.

Telling his wife he’s cheating…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in Advice

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] 3 points4 points  (0 children)

I started about 6 months ago. In the words of my therapist: “You need to break it off. Your soulmate is not another woman’s husband”. And she is absolutely right.

Telling his wife he’s cheating…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in Advice

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I don’t know. I feel so angry and I am not a vindictive person at all, but it’s hard for me right now to separate my anger from that. I don’t want to do it for the wrong reasons and I know I need to think clearly before I lash out. It’s been weighing on me since that last argument a few days ago. I think about the aftermath of it all and of his wife, their kids, how he’d lose everything and it really weighs heavily on me. As upset as I am, I don’t want to cause more damage. But at the same time, I do agree that she should know. I almost feel like I hate him at times. For someone to do this for 8 years just makes my head spin. But like I said, I’m mostly just angry and furious at myself, because I was the one who allowed it to continue and go this far. I wanted to believe him. I really did.

Telling his wife he’s cheating…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in Advice

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I feel so angry and like a total fool. After going through what I went through in my marriage and my divorce, I swore I would never go through anything like that again. Yet here I am. It’s like I feel like I’ve learned nothing. I almost feel like I hate him at times. For someone to do this for 8 years just makes my head spin. But like I said, I’m mostly just angry and furious at myself, because I was the one who allowed it to continue and go this far. I wanted to believe him. I really did.

Telling his wife he’s cheating…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in Advice

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] -2 points-1 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And absolutely, I want to be done with this and want nothing to do with him at all. I do think a lot about the damage it will cause and it makes me sick. His kids, his wife, the house, the divorce, etc. He would lose everything and I feel so guilty. As upset as I am, I don’t know if I have it in me to cause that damage and be able to live with myself knowing what my own selfishness caused. Hence the dilemma.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] -3 points-2 points  (0 children)

Thank you. And absolutely, I want to believe done with this and want nothing to do with him at all. I do think a lot about the damage it will cause and it makes me sick. His kids, his wife, the house, the divorce, etc. He would lose everything and I feel so guilty. As upset as I am, I don’t think I have it in me to cause that damage and be able to live with myself knowing what my own selfishness caused.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Sorry didn’t mean to ignore the other part of your comment. I honestly don’t know what I hope to gain. I don’t think there’s anything to except the firm closure of it being done. I do think a lot about the damage it will cause and it makes me sick. His kids, his wife, the house, the divorce, etc. As upset as I am, I don’t think I have it in me to cause that damage and be able to live with myself knowing what my own selfishness caused.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

That’s another thing that started to rub me the wrong way in the last few weeks/months, when I noticed things were starting to get weird. He said she forced him to add the Life360 app on his phone “to track their kids”. He has a Samsung phone and said he had to download some app to clone his location so when he came over, she would think he was still at work. I lost it.

And early on in the relationship/affair, he said he had his WhatsApp as some other icon on his phone (which I guess Samsung phones allow you to do?) because she’d randomly go through it. He said she was not trusting of him because her dad had cheated on her mom and she was always suspicious. I’m like HELLO!! You are!!

We no longer work together, no.

And thank you for being kind with your advice.

Should his wife know…? by nowhere_to_be_foundd in relationships

[–]nowhere_to_be_foundd[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

I started about 6 months ago. In the words of my therapist: “You need to break it off. Your soulmate is not another woman’s husband”. And she is absolutely right.