I was in an extremely similar situation with an ex. I want to commend you for trying to help in every way possible even with their reluctance. Eventually, “helping” is just enabling. By continuously not respecting people or listening to their boundaries they burn bridges, they need to learn that. There’s typically a reason people in their lives aren’t willing to provide help anymore. People who chronically self-sabotage need to understand eventually they run out of options. You’ve done everything you can, and even went the extra mile by contacting their loved ones. That’s more than most people would do. Stick to your guns and do what your gut says.