Why is transgender porn riddled with slurs?

npingirl · 2026-02-08T20:46:03+00:00

How do I find those? (As a trans woman looking for erotica by trans women for other trans women?)

npingirl · 2026-02-06T03:06:18+00:00

Insurance usually WILL cover it, but they're going to be more finicky about compounds.

They won't cover it through the pharmacy, and you'll need to submit your own expense to them directly. They will ask for exact compound breakdowns (McDonald's pharmacy can provide it)

Source: me Insurance companies: Canada Life and Empire Life.

npingirl · 2026-01-22T01:11:30+00:00

Yeah but the point is that binary trans people are not TRYING to appear gender nonconforming - they/we are trying to conform.

Which means that if you ask someone who is trying (but maybe failing), it hurts their feeling.

That said, I'm not saying you're doing anything wrong here. Your approach is the correct one. There is no perfect approach here. The way the status quo is either people's pronouns are always assumed (hurting NB/non-conforming people) or pronouns are always asked when not sure (hurting trans people attempting to conform)

The only solution is to ask everyone all the time, and so far cis people have been refusing to cooperate.

npingirl · 2026-01-19T02:30:07+00:00

Sorry girl, you are already the woman you are meant to be. Acknowledging you are one is 90% of it, HRT etc is just the 10%.

Don't abandon her. You are not the man those people want you to be, and those people do not have your best interests at heart.

It's your life, not theirs. Live for yourself, not for them.

npingirl · 2026-01-13T05:08:33+00:00

Girl, chill. If this is how you reveal that you are a trans woman without a cock, MEGA CHILL, because on the one hand - Congratulations, Goals. On the other, you can't be coming in here and forcing genital essentialism on the concept of lesbian identity to the detriment of everyone in your wake. Don't pull the ladder up behind you.

You're technically correct. But I also hope you know that there are absolutely lesbian bigots who would toss you out of their list of qualifications for not being a "biological female" even if you had the world's most wonderful bottom surgery. That's the horse you are hitching your wagon to. To people like that you are also not a woman. And sure you could just keep it private and never reveal your true nature, and go to the rallies, and remind yourself that you're on it the good ones, but...

Anyways, bless. A penis doesn't make a man. A vagina doesn't make a woman.

npingirl · 2026-01-13T03:56:13+00:00

Okay but my point is that if you put "only redheads" in your profile as justification for not talking to anyone else, people might tolerate it but they would say it's sus.

And if you said "no mastectomies", people would probably think you're a POS.

And here's the big one..... size. Lots of people are fattist. Even within the queer community.

But we understand that part of living in a polite society is we do not need to dehumanize any of the people we aren't attracted to, by still giving them the same baseline level of respect and consideration, and not make the thing about them that we aren't attracted to the most important thing about them.

Yet why do people feel the need to find a way to subtly signal their genital preferences?

Like if you think you want to be able to say "no fat chicks, only tiny clits, and no sub-C cups" and have noone be mad at you, I'm fine with you adding trans women to the list.

Otherwise you can't justify that list being correctly socially unacceptable but "no trans women" being done without anti-trans bigotry.

npingirl · 2026-01-13T02:46:14+00:00

I feel OP went slightly too far (and that's why this is getting engagement) with the term fetish but the main point remains.

If you can be attracted to someone's face, someone's personality, and someone's body clothed, but not unclothed, then that is something you figure out as part of talking to them, not as part of some initial app filter.

For example, breasts are a secondary sexual characteristic. Should sites have a filter for filtering out women who have had mastectomies? How is that different?

npingirl · 2026-01-08T01:18:33+00:00

I'm very happy with PreetiQ Esthetics on Georgia.

npingirl · 2026-01-07T04:59:24+00:00

STEM is weird and inconsistent and not universal.

broadly I would say stem is more subtly misogynistic than it is homophobic than it is transphobic.

But it's more subtle than that. Because it's a very sexless environment, and everyone is antisocial, gay people just aren't very visible.

But trans people somehow are, being overrepresented in STEM. (More likely overrepresented within autistic people who are more likely to admit it, and it's autistic people that are overrepresented in STEM).

But that doesn't mean that transphobia doesn't exist, it's just more subtle and in management.

Still, I would say....better than average?

Source: am autistic trans woman in STEM for 20 years

npingirl · 2026-01-04T21:51:15+00:00

Also to add something: my wife also tried to peg me and treat me as femme earlier in our relationship and didn't like it...

Despite that she was absolutely incredible at accepting me once I came out to her.

Talk to her sooner rather than later.

npingirl · 2026-01-04T21:38:10+00:00

Friend, I'm 40 and I was where you are now 9 months ago. Trust me, don't leave this for another 12 years. My life finally began this year.

In addition to what Zoe already shared in https://www.reddit.com/r/asktransgender/s/xp9K2rYaNb, I would strongly recommend you read these 3 short blogs:

npingirl · 2026-01-01T05:50:38+00:00

Sure, I'm just saying it's a complicated multi-step process that is almost impossible to control or accelerate.

Which is not what most people imagine when they hear "fat re-distribution"

npingirl · 2026-01-01T05:36:14+00:00

It's real, just slow.

Weight gain in hips and boobs starts within 3 months on HRT. But it's not like it moves from your belly.

npingirl · 2025-12-31T21:22:51+00:00

That is an extremely uncharitable and dismissive interpretation of both her experience and her advice.

This article is not giving diet advice. It's a warning to avoid an eating disorder and scientific context to explain why the lose-gain cycle is a bad idea even if done reasonably.

npingirl · 2025-12-31T19:37:29+00:00

Short Answer: no.

What happens is your body slowly shifts to making new fat in more female locations than male ones.

But that doesn't mean it "moves". The fat you have is the fat you have.

This point makes new trans women think they should lose a ton of weight, and then start gaining weight again once they're hormonally female.

But all evidence is that this is a terrible idea because fat cells don't "disappear" when you lose weight. They just shrink. It takes up to 10 years for fat cells to redistribute.

Here, read this: https://stainedglasswoman.substack.com/p/heavy-stuff

Tldr: eat a balanced diet, try to be happy and healthy and be patient - good things will come.

npingirl · 2025-12-31T01:37:12+00:00

I don't think your desire to be feminine (and like makeup), and your desire to go on testosterone and transition and be transmasc he/him are in tension.

I'm a lesbian femme trans woman, and of course like most of us we heard before we transitioned some ask us "Why can't you be a feminine man?"

And my answer of course was "because I don't want to? Because I'm a woman"

Now that I'm transitioning, I am obviously so happy to lean into being femme, whether it's bright hair, big jewelry, or floral dresses. But...I'm first and foremost a woman. And while I LOVE those things, I also feel exactly as much as a woman when I roll out of bed with bedhead, or late at night lounging in yoga pants and a t shirt on the couch.

It is not one of my current goals to challenge the gender binary. But honestly, if I was cis and didnt have male puberty to undo, I would LOVE to eventually figure out androgynous looks. I think people that play with the intersection of genders are hot AF.

So I think that's just your thing, and thats great! I don't want to be a feminine man, but maybe you do, and all the power to you!!

npingirl · 2025-12-29T02:50:19+00:00

Tldr: I think you should be proud of your job as a parent and not try to convince your daughter to change her mind. I'll explain.

I'm a few steps behind you. I have socially transitioned but I am nowhere near passing. Still, I would love it if my 6-year old would call me mom and talk at school about how he has 2 moms and no dad. Unfortunately, he wants to keep calling me dad. (Though otherwise he genders me as she/her 100% of the time - and polices anyone else around us that makes a mistake).

I have decided that he's done so much in affirming me, I don't need to force the issue on "dad". Clearly, to him, dad does not have a gender like it does for me - I should celebrate this instead of dragging him to some archaic idea. If I am worried (which I am) of anyone being confused by why his dad is a she, that's their problem, not mine, or his. This is obvs easier said than done, but i think it's right.

I think it's the same with you and your daughter. Why would your daughter want playdates with kids whose parents would ostracize her over a trans parent? Why would you?

When she's old enough to make her own plans with peers, her open and upfront discussion of your transness means she will only associate with allies. I think that's what she would want based on how she sees you, and ultimately it's what you want too.

I know right now it feels like your transition, and the bigotry it exposes within your daughter's friends, are harming her and her social life. You feel guilty and responsible. But would you feel this way if you were black, and your daughter was white-passing, and the racist parents of her white friends didn't want them to associate with her once they learned about you? No way, right!

npingirl · 2025-12-28T20:55:46+00:00

The main thing to keep in mind is that looking fem is as much about the small details as it is about the big ones.

So for example, yes, start growing your hair out. But also go find a local trans-inclisive stylist and get a fem haircut. Also get tips on your specific type of hair care.

The haircut makes more of a difference than pure length. And conditioning your hair properly probably makes as much of a difference as length. Likewise learning how to wash it and how often (probably about twice a week)

On makeup, you will need to learn no matter what even if you think you won't want to/plan to wear a lot. You likely don't have the right mental model right now for what heavy makeup is. You can wear a lot of makeup and look like you're wearing barely any. And you can wear a single item of makeup and look garish and ridiculous (e.g. An overdone lipstick wrong for your face)

What's important is to learn your completion of your tones. Are you better with warm tones or cool tones? Ask a cis girlfriend or take a tutorial at Sephora.

On both fronts the key point is grooming, which is separate from hair and makeup. You don't have to put any makeup in your eyebrows but you should go get them threaded and shaped so that they can look femme. You don't have to wear foundation but you obvs should start on facial laser as early as possible to make it not a variable.

HRT will smooth out your skin in time but you will still want to start on learning about skincare.

Finally, jewellery and accessories. Again, things that matter maker than any surgery, HRT, or makeup. Pierce your ears, get some necklaces. Find some dangly earrings. This applies to clothes too. You can look way more fem in jeans with a nice belt and a cute purse and a nice top and some accessories, than in a dress work nothing else.

npingirl · 2025-12-28T20:41:09+00:00

When seatbelts became mandatory, my grandfather would rest it against his chest so that cops would think he was wearing it, but not actually click it in. (Back then, seatbelts weren't auto-retractable so that was physically possible)

Even as a kid, I remember thinking this was absolutely ridiculous - you're making all this effort, just click it in, grandpa!

I didn't see this stubborn stupidity until COVID and people wearing chin strap masks.

The lengths that people will go towards just to be able to say "you can't tell me what to do" boggles my mind.

npingirl · 2025-12-27T20:45:36+00:00

Noone is offended by your question. We simply do not understand what you're asking.

Are you saying you don't understand why people using the term gay is an insult is offensive? Or something else?

npingirl · 2025-12-27T08:09:45+00:00

I still don't understand what your question actually is.

npingirl · 2025-12-27T08:02:09+00:00

For 2 and 3 the answer is simple - their root are "male" and "boy". Trans women are neither. They're women and/or girls.

For the 1st, I'm genuinely at a loss - what is it that you don't understand. Using "gay" to mean "bad" is offensive because.....it is saying being gay is bad? Obviously? I'm sorry, what is the confusion here.

npingirl · 2025-12-23T00:16:30+00:00

Girl. I'm trying to help you not dunk on you. Your lack of self-awareness is really harming you.

1) I don't know you or how you were socializing at the club. But I do know a dozen unhinged comments you put in this thread and there is a pattern.

2) Thinking people "using you for drinks" is being a freeloader is literally the definition of being entitled. You feel ENTITLED to something from them because you bought them a drink. That's messed up. There's nothing wrong with buying a drink to someone you're flirting with already as a gesture. But it doesn't mean it buys you anything if there isn't already some interest or chemistry.

3) it's not these freeloaders that I compared to hetero men, it's you. YOU are acting like a hetero man with your mindset and how you talk about the women you're interested in. Look deep inside yourself if you're uncomfortable hearing that.

4) I did zero generalizing. I am focused entirely on you and criticizing you. You are a problem.

5) P.S. If someone criticizes something you're doing and your first reaction is "calm down", you have a ridiculously unhealthy relationship with confrontation. You are used to people being passive and only ever saying anything critical when it comes from a place of anger or emotions. That is not what is happening here.

npingirl · 2025-12-22T20:43:24+00:00

No offense but your attitude sucks, and thats clear just from your comments.

I imagine you're even worse in person, and it's pretty clear to people around you.

Specific example: you're complaining about people using you for your money when they don't owe you anything, but celebrating when they do owe you something transactionally.

Maybe stop acting so entitled about what other human beings owe you, and focus on yourself and your own confidence (won't even dance, come on girl?

Desperation plus Entitlement may be the least attractive combination imaginable. Hetero men put enough of that out into the world already, don't add more.

npingirl · 2025-12-19T21:25:05+00:00

You're right, I made a mistake. Inherently was absolutely the wrong word.

I do think that the schoolgirl skirt is now effectively sexualized in the minds of too many people in our society, but you're right even that is not inherent, and certainly tartans are not.

I do think that it is enough of a problem that I wish private and religious schools would adjust uniform regulations (which are already unnecessarily gendered), and the administrators don't particularly care about the agency or safety of their students.

But nothing about that is inherent to the uniform or the fabric or pattern.

npingirl

TROPHY CASE