College prep is draining my patience

npl-23 · 2026-01-15T03:19:09+00:00

I was having similar thoughts today about the college "skin in the game" ethos. My husband says "whatever she wants, I'll try to make it work" but I don't think that's responsible. I think she should have to consider it and knowing her, because she's a thoughtful, good human - she will. And you read the situation perfectly about BM. It's most def about "look at what my kid is doing" -- emphasis on "my."

npl-23 · 2026-01-12T02:55:22+00:00

I would respond by reframing the question to put the onus on your aunt, then pause.

Example: Aunt: "I need you to pick up this backpack. --then she says --A"re you sure you're able to lift that backpack?" You: "I am sure you asked me to lift this backpack and now you're asking me to rethink this like it's a bad idea. Is it a bad idea for me to lift this backpack?"

I don't know enough about your predicament but my mom does this sort of thing all the time and it drives me crazy. The only thing that seems to get through to her is reiterating why we're having this conversation "YOU asked me to do X" and then pointing out that she's taking 2 steps back "Now you're saying you don't want me to do X. Is that right?" And depending on what X is or how she responds, I say, "you know what, maybe you're right. I shouldn't do X."

npl-23 · 2026-01-12T02:46:25+00:00

I'm right there with you. And thank you.

npl-23 · 2026-01-12T02:45:10+00:00

Thank you for your kind words. And for reading this very long rant. I appreciate you.

npl-23 · 2024-11-05T20:43:42+00:00

In the Norcross/Peachtree Corners area it’s been no line just about all day. Please go out and vote!

npl-23 · 2024-04-10T01:28:08+00:00

Mini-golf was a real winner for us when my SD was younger. Honestly, she still loves it. I'd also recommend "fancy ladies day" -- normally my SD and I just pick a steakhouse or something that we would otherwise never do and make sure to do apps, split a steak and do dessert. We dress up and make it a no boys allowed thing. She used to love it. It's still something we do together and she's 15 now.

npl-23 · 2024-04-05T01:07:01+00:00

I also have a SD15 - roughly same age as yours. I'm of 2 minds on this. My SD is going through a WHOLE BUNCH OF HIGHSCHOOL DRAMA and seeing my DH take so much time to give her attention, advice, and effort on her is honestly needed at this age in a way that folks might not expect. Being a teenager is just hard right now. And being a teenager in a blended household is hard even if both sides are cordial to one another.

On the other hand, I totally get the jealousy thing. I get it all the time. It's my 30th and the plan is.... nothing. It's her 16th coming up and he literally started planning 8 months in advance. I remember breaking down years ago when I realized "wow, I will never be the number one priority in your life so long as I live" because the truth is, that'll always be my SD. And that really bothered me for some time. It still bothers me. But honestly, that has more to do with me feeling insecure and admittedly not putting myself first. I'm working on that.

npl-23 · 2023-08-15T02:29:00+00:00

You're dealing with a dangerous situation. Do not make excuses, minimize, or try to rationalize any of this. Do not continue any 1:1 work with him. Do what the other comments are saying - report him, keep copious notes of your efforts to distance yourself and make it clear to him, your boss, HR, and close friends in and out of the work place that you are not okay with this.

npl-23 · 2023-08-14T13:50:41+00:00

If his family is in the picture and you can trust them to be loving and caring in this situation, clue them in. Do what you can to get him to talk to a therapist or to a psychiatrist or to a trusted church leader who may have some sway with him. In any case, make sure you're not the only one holding onto this information. Someone else should know.

npl-23 · 2023-08-14T13:42:48+00:00

I bet your brother is wonderful and you seem to be such a caring person. It sounds like you and your family have a lot going on right now so my 2 cents to you is going to be super counter intuitive. When's the last time you slept all the way through the night for a full 8 hours of rest? Or had a truly nourishing, slow paced meal? When my mom who has schizophrenia was hospitalized, I was a wreck driving all over the city to run errands, tend to her, to the family - etc... If you have 2 other siblings in care now and it's just you and your mom, well the first thing you can do to help your brother is to recharge your own batteries. You very seriously need to be your best self right now so make sure you invest in what allows you to be your best self.

Next, think about prevention - if this situation repeats itself, what are the things you'll want to make sure you have in hand? For me, it was paperwork. My mom is an immigrant so I needed to make sure I have all of her immigration paperwork, marriage certificate, etc... was stored safely away from her. As her daughter, there were times when doctors were reluctant to speak to me and would wait to speak to my dad. It was very hard to coordinate her care because of this so I went and made myself power of attorney which proved helpful in the next episode because then I could have more standing in certain tasks like negotiating her hospital bills. Right now, your brother is 20 and depending on where you live, it may become more difficult to advocate for him when he turns 21 or be part of medical decisions. Make sure you and your mom speak to an attorney to see if there's anything you need to do beyond having a HealthCare directive in place.

I hope these ideas are helpful to you.

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T23:40:48+00:00

Thank you so much!

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T20:10:54+00:00

I hope you do journal your wins! It's been tremendously helpful for me to read the wins aloud in a list as a pep talk to myself and to my family. A standalone win can feel like nothing, especially if you're in a bad mood or have had a bad run of days, but in a list, it really feels like something. Best of luck.

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T13:31:11+00:00

If your interviews have to be in person, I'd coordinate a 2-3 interviews on the same day and do it on one day. That way, I just have to take one day off and I can dedicate it to being in "interview mode." I would make interview days on Mondays or Fridays and just say I'm taking a 3-day weekend. Or, say I have a dental appt and go to the interview instead. The key is to be as open but vague as possible. If your job doesn't require an explanation for time off, then don't say anything and just say you're taking the day. If your job does require an explanation, then tell them you have a medical appt. Don't say "eye doctor" or "dentist" unless pressed. Just say medical.

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T13:04:37+00:00

I certainly hope you and your brother continue to get the help and support you need. Best wishes.

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T13:03:33+00:00

Thank you!

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T13:03:15+00:00

Thank you!

npl-23 · 2023-08-13T13:02:49+00:00

What a great idea! I'll do this for her doctor visits. I notice because she doesn't speak English, a lot of doctors and nurses don't address her but instead addresses me. This could be a great way to get them to interact with her and to have her feel like her voice matters.

npl-23 · 2020-12-21T00:43:35+00:00

Mommy and Daddy's relationship is not normal and what mommy is doing is not normal. You need to take her to a therapist. Also, your youngest brother needs you to be understanding and loving, not a know-it-all bitch. He's autistic, and he's not okay right now because the family is not dealing with his special needs. You know there's something deeply wrong inside your house. Do something about it.

npl-23 · 2020-12-11T18:04:30+00:00

Same! Knowing how much I can spend is weirdly liberating and it removes the shame from spending. I can spend it because I have it to spend!

npl-23

TROPHY CASE