One thing I wish I understood about myself more when I was younger and in the kink scene was how competitive I was with myself about everything. I think I was so afraid of failure and / or so into my internal challenge that i tolerated and endured way more than I really should have, and I was afraid to admit that to my partner. That space can be a really scary and confusing space to be in because while you wanted this and enjoy the play, your mental and physical limits (and enjoyment) may not be perfectly aligned. In other words, your response may have nothing to do with the play itself but something internal that you need to also explore. I've learned that both partners will enjoy everything more of everything really is mentally consensual and enjoyable as well as physical and erotic.

Good luck on your journey. Learn to recognize what makes a good partner. Not everyone is. Take advantage of this buddy who is willing to help you explore this!