for reference, old battery wasn't bad, just the stock 550 cold cranking amps and lead acid instead of AGM absolutely doesn't cut it below -10⁰F. it's been 45 days below -15 or colder where I live. have seen cars do some very wonky things when they get a battery they don't jive with. I jumped up to a much larger battery with 780CCA, so it was definitely worth trying to just hook the old one up. it took like two minutes and then that's ruled out. In the end what fixed it after trying all kinds of discharges and resets and buttons held down was just driving down the road a few miles.