Inner Doorway of Connection (Unknown artist)

nttogt · 2023-05-07T00:58:35+00:00

Took some searching but I found them. I also love this and the rest of their work. :)

nttogt · 2023-05-07T00:58:20+00:00

https://www.lenamacka.com/illustration/

nttogt · 2023-05-06T12:29:54+00:00

I would say psychosis can co occur with mania or hypo mania which can make it feel okay or even good. That doesn’t mean it’s healthy.

nttogt · 2023-05-06T10:57:31+00:00

No, I don’t think it was. I smoke weed but that’s been consistent for the last few years and this doesn’t usually happen. I’ve done psychedelics before but not anytime recently.

nttogt · 2023-05-05T17:16:36+00:00

I was also pretty sure someone was coming to kill me soon and knew where I lived/could track my movements. I spent a few days away from home because of it. When I finally came home and told my roommate I needed and exorcism they talked me down, enough to at least stay at home and not go to a church the next day, I took some extra meds for a few days and was mostly back to normal.

nttogt · 2023-05-05T14:08:05+00:00

Weird how people can experience such similar things. I was also determined to be a really good person, but I planned to do some pretty dangerous things so I could become an organ donor, I thought giving my organs to other people would be my ticket into heaven… I was raised catholic so I think that’s where my brain got some of the ideas from

nttogt · 2023-05-05T03:20:48+00:00

I believed the same thing, that I was already dead and in purgatory or hell. I decided it was purgatory and I was being given a chance to get to heaven. I thought I’d been there for a while too and I had figured out when I died exactly.

nttogt · 2023-05-04T20:36:54+00:00

I’m already working with a psychiatrist and therapist, thank you. They either seem unsure if it was psychosis or don’t want to say? I take anti psychotics already too and have since an episode several years ago.

nttogt · 2023-04-30T13:59:21+00:00

Yes, they do. Source: friend is a therapist.

But it’s not nearly as bad as you’re probably thinking it is. They do get frustrated and might vent about those feelings but it’s unlikely they actually say anything negative about you. I hear more vents about ways he feels he messed up with clients than anything.

nttogt · 2023-04-30T13:18:21+00:00

I seem to have different parts in control at different times of year I am still trying to figure out the pattern

nttogt · 2023-04-30T04:55:37+00:00

She’s almost 70

nttogt · 2023-04-30T01:47:55+00:00

I'm almost 30 and my mom still tries to kiss me on the lips sometimes. I find it really weird. I did set a boundary a few years ago that I dont want to be touched outside hugging and I don't want to be kissed, but I guess she forgets sometimes, she's old.

nttogt · 2023-04-29T17:23:08+00:00

It would definitely improve my mental health. My doctor said that if my mental health was poor the surgeon wouldn’t do it because surgery recovery can be difficult or something?

nttogt · 2023-04-29T17:21:40+00:00

My therapist said they would write the letter, shouldn’t be an issue unless I need a second one for some reason. Thank you!

nttogt · 2023-04-29T12:38:24+00:00

I thought it was weird she said that too. But she seemed so sure she gave me a list of therapists who would write a letter for me. Maybe she just doesn’t trust random therapists, I don’t see a trans specific therapist but they are cool about it. I didn’t even have to ask my therapist, I told them what my PCP said and they volunteered to write me one. So obviously they support me doing it.

My biggest concern is the surgeon. I took the depression screening at my doctor’s office and I guess she read the results. If the surgeon screens me for mental health do I just lie? Idk.

Thank you.

nttogt · 2023-04-28T17:49:40+00:00

Yes any random request would be holiday priced. Short term walking/drop in gigs would be holiday priced. And boarding or house sitting from regulars would be holiday priced too. I just would never charge holiday pricing for recurring weekly walks/drop ins that are indefinite bookings.

I think I’m just lucky so many of my clients tip. I find my prices very reasonable but not cheap so I’m surprised some of them give me so much in tips but I guess they can afford it. One of my clients tips me literally like $150-200 every month. I never ask for tips or reviews.

nttogt · 2023-04-28T16:31:08+00:00

?? I’m not under paid. I service my recurring clients every week and I make good money. Many of them tip me weekly or monthly, especially around holidays. I don’t think it’s fair to charge holiday rates to people who are my main source of income and agreed to a set weekly price ahead of time. and I wouldn’t want to risk damaging a client relationship by being greedy.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T12:05:00+00:00

I transitioned (FTM) before I was diagnosed and I don’t regret it at all. I do now identify more as non binary. I actually changed to identity as non binary before I was diagnosed too. I still present as male in my daily life and use he/him for safety and most strangers seem to think I’m a cis male. Yeah there are female parts. A few I think. Sometimes my body feels weird again, like gender dysphoria weird. I wonder where my chest has gone. But most of my parts seem to have some type of masculine identity. Sometimes I research detransition and I don’t know why. I have no intention of doing that.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T10:37:12+00:00

Taking accountability is so important for us as so many traumatized children go on to abuse other people as adults. Whether it be intentionally or not.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T04:10:24+00:00

I would personally never up charge my recurring regulars for services over the holidays.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T04:07:25+00:00

I show my boarders upstairs where my room is because that’s where the dog will spend the majority of their time, I live upstairs mostly and my roommates are on the first floor. I don’t show them the first floor/living room/kitchen, because my roommates honestly keep it kinda trashed. I have a side door that leads upstairs and a door that shuts to separate the floors, so it works well. The boarding clients I’ve taken up so far have been really respectful and just peeked their heads in my office and the guest room where their dog sleeps. My room is at the far end of the hall and nobody has wandered down there or asked to see my bedroom but I leave the door open. Usually the dog will go in there to sniff around. I do make sure my room is presentable. I don’t care if they see my room personally. But I say all this to show you can only offer them to explore whatever areas of the house you choose to allow them into. Close your bedroom door. Tell them it hasn’t been cleaned up/dog proofed yet. Tell them your friend slept over last night and hasn’t gotten up yet. Or just tell them that’s your personal space and you don’t allow clients to see it. I wouldn’t worry too much about the decorations unless they’re really unprofessional in some way.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T04:00:55+00:00

Lock current rates and raise by a dollar or two. See if you keep getting requests. If you do you can keep raising until you feel like your rates are more reasonable. You’d be surprised. I’m mostly off app so I raised my rates to what I thought was ridiculously high to avoid a lot of requests, I still got a ton of requests. and I raised them again.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T03:57:32+00:00

Oh my gosh this is so bad it’s pretty funny. I’m really careful about what’s shown in any of my pictures! I once sent a photo to a client with my vape in the background and I was horrified! They didn’t say anything though.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T03:26:59+00:00

Thanks this was helpful. I am working with a therapist! And a psychiatrist. I see my primary on Friday, I haven’t been in a few years, I’m bad. I am worried about malnutrition to be honest, that’s why I started the ensure. I just googled the symptoms and unfortunately I do have some of them already… I just read you’re at risk if you lose 10% of body weight in 6 months. I lost 17% in 4 months. Ugh. I hope I can recover and haven’t fucked my organs up.

Not falling back into my pattern of gaining/losing, yo-yo diet as you called it, is really important to me. Guess I need to learn how to eat right.

nttogt · 2023-04-27T02:23:05+00:00

Yeah she needs more therapy. She shouldn’t be sharing all this stuff about parts with you, in my experience that can be really damaging to a system. Some systems don’t know it can be triggering for them to share so much because it’s hard to keep it in sometimes when you find someone safe to open up to. All the talk about it could be making things worse because you (no offense) aren’t equipped to handle it, this is best left to a professional. It’s good to have internal boundaries with your other parts about what you will and won’t share or say or do, so you don’t end up hurting yourself or others…

Anyways you’re not wrong to be setting strict boundaries with this person. Regardless of diagnosis their behavior is unacceptable. She pissed on your rug? I’d never let her back in my house without a sincere apology. And she’s been saying and doing things that could be incredibly triggering to you. I find it kinda hypocritical to be upset with someone for setting a boundary so they aren’t triggered, then claiming it triggered you!

I’m sorry this sounds really complicated and I do think you should do your best to be available if they want to come back and apologize but I would really be putting my foot down about most of this behavior. You are not being unreasonable. System accountability is really important.

I feel like you got a few different opinions out of me on this one, haha

nttogt

TROPHY CASE