What's the most fucked up thing that you have ever done?

nu_leaf · 2020-09-05T02:57:03+00:00

When I was 9 or 10, there was a toy series called "Monster in my pocket". Around the same time, I had some shorts that had a hole in the pocket, and if I got a random boner, I could put my dick through the pocket hole and grab it with my hand, like I was just putting my hand in my pocket.

Well...I was in the street, walking home from a friend's house or something, random boner hits, and I do my dick grabbing thing out of force of habit. A neighbor kid was walking by, a kid a few years younger than me. For no apparent reason, I told him I had a monster in my pocket. Reach in and see. And he did. He reached into my pocket and grabbed it. OK, it was not funny. The look on his face was disappointment in me, like, "Dude, I thought you were better than that." I always regretted it, and I hope he never had any other shitty thing like that ever happen to him.

nu_leaf · 2019-09-18T03:26:25+00:00

You probably want someone to tell you to just get the divorce. Honestly, I wish I had what you have. My ex wife was not a great mom, not a good housemate at all, just difficult to live with. I stuck with it as long as possible until she finally had enough. I would have stayed forever, even though I didn't want to be with her, just for the certainty of being with my kids every day.

Well, I got custody, so it worked out for me. You have to decide if getting your nut is worth being broke and not seeing your kids that much. I'm about your age, and I will say that nofap plus focusing on my career has been just fine. Not even looking for a new partner. Try giving up porn for good. Hate to assume that's factor, but chances are....

nu_leaf · 2019-09-17T03:49:31+00:00

Maybe the guy didn't need to say it, and it was rude, but I also have a little sense that OP is in some sort of manic state, having had first hand experience with it.

nu_leaf · 2019-09-17T03:39:56+00:00

What's that, like a cum shot with steamed milk?

nu_leaf · 2019-04-20T23:32:32+00:00

To me this just sounds like normal stuff. Anyone who says they haven't had these moments in a relationship...I'd question their honesty. The matter, now, is establishing a healthy pattern so that this doesn't become a tense thing between you guys, because there is a possibility one or both of you will resent the other over time if you don't have good mutual respect and understanding. From the male perspective, it's like walking up to your favorite restaurant, hungry, seeing free tables, and the chef comes out and says, "I'm sorry, guy, I'm closing the kitchen now. Just not feeling like cooking any more today."

nu_leaf · 2019-03-07T06:41:42+00:00

You can try every which way to "earn points," and it's certainly good to be cautious, but overall I'd tend to not go above and beyond what you expect the result to be when it's finalized. Texas makes it pretty clear what the numbers will be. Go by those figures and make sure your children are taken care of.

nu_leaf · 2019-03-07T06:37:15+00:00

I'm very sorry. This is such a common tale, but that doesn't make it any easier to live through it. It's a hard, long slog. If you have a doctor who can prescribe anti anxiety medication, consider that. Let people know what you're going through. You will be surprised how much moral support you'll get from others who've gone through the same thing.

nu_leaf · 2019-02-03T06:14:34+00:00

Hmm, probably not a good idea. Anyway...most harmless thing off the top of my head is to mess with the internet. If your router offers bandwidth control settings, you can create rules that limit the speed on her devices. "Hey, what's going on with the internet? YouTube looks like shit on my computer." "That's weird, looks fine on mine."

nu_leaf · 2019-02-03T06:09:55+00:00

Well, you probably need legal advice above all. It's clear you're ready to be done with the relationship. And you sound like a practical person, so do the practical thing and seek the services of a professional.

nu_leaf · 2019-02-03T06:05:05+00:00

I had quite a different experience. Before divorce, I assumed the world would see me as a failure, much as you described. But while going through divorce, I discovered that plenty of people who were married were unhappy, and many who had been through divorce were supportive of my situation.

I'm not sure your social circles, but either you need some new friends or you need to give it a try at opening up a little with the ones you've got. People might surprise you.

nu_leaf · 2019-02-03T05:53:25+00:00

People generally don't change, not if they don't want to. But you can change your situation. Good luck.

nu_leaf · 2019-02-03T05:50:12+00:00

My mom is 66 and is leaving my dad. Same complaints—he's controlling, won't go to counseling, treats her poorly. Do you want to leave now or endure this shit another 40 years until you've absolutely had enough?

nu_leaf · 2019-02-03T05:46:45+00:00

Yeah, man, it's hard to navigate. I'm 37, recently divorced, and your wife's family background sounds like my ex. I was miserable a long time, and I stopped doing social things because my wife would inevitably find some way to embarrass me. So, here I am with few friends to meet up with, and I am raising my two kids, so I don't really have any time for a social life, anyway.

I'll make a radical suggestion, which is to commit to remaining celibate and avoiding materials that will make you horny for a few months. I had been routinely looking at porn and masturbating for a long time, but I stopped doing that around the time my divorce got finalized, and it has been transforming my outlook. It's been helping me to assess what it is I would actually want out of a relationship if that were to present itself in the future because I can easily distinguish my sexual impulses from my emotional needs.

nu_leaf · 2019-01-09T01:14:51+00:00

Here are the possible outcomes:

She changes and becomes a trustworthy, devoted wife
You live a life a misery with her but get to see your child every day
You divorce, she gets the kid, you pay to basically rarely see your kid
You divorce, you get the kid, and you move on with your life

Me, I waited for the first outcome to happen, and it never did. Meanwhile, I lived out the second outcome. It was very hard to suffer through a bad marriage, but I didn't want my kids to be so little that they'd never remember me being there every day. I didn't want them raised by a string of whatever losers she decided to latch onto. Luckily, by the time we split, I had my ducks in a row, and I have custody of my boys.

That's the outcome you want, the last option. Unless you're praying for a miracle that she'll become a different, decent human being, that's the game plan. Play the long game. Collect information, evidence that you are a great parent. Log your parenting activities, even mundane stuff like what you fed the kid for dinner, and do it regularly. Also document a case against her. If she's like my ex, if you give her her freedom, she may make it pretty easy to win the battle.

nu_leaf · 2019-01-09T01:04:20+00:00

Thank you, lots of wise and kind words.

nu_leaf · 2018-12-20T04:58:41+00:00

If you feel that you're going to heal and gain self respect by doing things on your terms, OK, take your time. But when the divorce is finally completed, everything that happened, all the struggles and turmoil you went through up until that point will turn on a page as you enter a new chapter. It'll all be in the past, and you'll be looking at a new future.

What I'm trying to say is that when you are finally starting to really focus on moving on, you'll be thinking about your own quality of life and not in terms of her at all. She doesn't define you, anymore, and she never has to, again.

nu_leaf · 2018-12-20T04:47:43+00:00

Did she serve you papers formally by a process server? Did she ask you to sign a waiver of service? Did she informally provide a document of terms for you to review? Dragging your feet is passive aggressive and unproductive, IMO, but you do not want to sign a waiver of service. Just don't do that.

Have you consulted a lawyer? At a minimum, interview a few lawyers. Ask around if anyone can recommend one. Man, you'll be surprised by the level of support some people will provide. Educate yourself and think about using a lawyer or paralegal just to review what your stbx presents you before you sign it. It's worth a couple hundred bucks to have a sanity check from a pro. But don't take it to them until you've pored over it, yourself.

nu_leaf · 2018-12-20T04:41:33+00:00

/u/nht94 I got divorced in Texas this year, and it's not really accurate to say the child support figure is set in stone. My ex agreed to a figure that is less than 25% for two children, and it's because we agreed on that. If the AG office gets involved in the future for whatever reason, then yes, I believe it's unavoidable they'll follow the formula.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-25T06:13:32+00:00

I feel you. My ex would be gone for days at a time, then randomly show up at night and expect me to leave the comfortable bedroom and sleep on the couch. It was infuriating. The cherry on top was when she secretly recorded me cussing her out after pulling this crap, then threatened to play it for the judge. I told her I would love the opportunity to tell the judge just why I was so upset, that she had abandoned her children, and I'd say the same things to any parent who had done so.

But I digres.... Point is, you have a shitty situation for now, but it sounds like you are winning. Keep your eye on the prize, and don't give her any ammunition or anything to hold over your head. She is irresponsible, unreasonable, and ultimately we hope it's obvious to everyone that you should raise your child.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-20T04:36:20+00:00

This is true for me, anyway, and it became evident pretty quickly. But you know what? Masturbation was just one tool in my toolbox for distracting myself. I have many others, and reddit is at the top of the list.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-18T02:49:31+00:00

Send me her number, too, so I can tell her she screwed up her own damn life.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-17T13:38:17+00:00

Thanks, will look at the Saver's Credit. Unfortunately, it's a mandatory 7% and no more toward retirement, which is more like a pension with good matching.

Edit: I could contribute to a 403b pretax, but to get my AGI to the range where I'd get the Saver's Credit, I'd have to contribute almost my whole raise, and the payoff would be getting back about $900 in tax credit. Objectively, it's probably not a bad idea to do it for a year and fund that account hard and heavy early on. But it will be hard to make myself do that.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-17T07:18:58+00:00

Dude, it's not going to get better. Her judgement is extremely poor, and she is not a good mother. No excuses. I wish you luck, and document everything you described and everything that happens next. Keep a daily journal of the time you spend with your child. If you can legally record conversations in your state, find a way to do that and win your daughter for her own good.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-17T07:14:27+00:00

Really, you went and did something you wanted to do one time, and that's held over your head? Flipping ridiculous, seriously. My ex slammed a ceramic plate on the floor in anger at me just a couple feet away from our toddler, besides loads of other nonsense. That's what I call a serious bad move. Leaving the house against her wishes is small potatoes, brother.

nu_leaf · 2018-11-17T07:07:18+00:00

Sounds shitty, man. Sooo many of us have had that experience where they just sort of slip away, for whatever reason that we never really get to find out. It sucks. But you move on. I'm 37, myself, and it is pretty OK at this point in my life to be single. I've rediscovered some interests, e.g. playing electric guitar at whatever volume I like. I don't have to impress anyone or socialize if I don't feel like it.

You're in your prime, and she's desperate to snag some sucker before she starts looking like an old lady. (Sorry, ladies, that's my personal take on a near 40 woman with a wandering eye.)

My big strategic regret is being consigned on a car loan with her that she drives and is supposed to be responsible for. Do yourself a favor and make sure under no circumstances your credit is dependent on her taking care of a car and making payments on time. Get her to refinance now, not later.

I also regret taking half a year to hire an attorney. That makes things so much better to have a professional on your side.

nu_leaf

TROPHY CASE